Print Story God dammit so much
Death
By Gedvondur (Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 02:42:25 PM EST) death (all tags)
I just got a call.  My cousin Jesse died this morning.

**EDIT Wed Sept 21, 2011 3:30 GMT-5 ----Thank you all so much for your kindness and well wishes.  I really do appreciate it.



He was two or three years younger than I am.

He had a massive heart attack.  I knew he had issues with his heart but I had no idea it was that bad.  I'm not sure he did either.

He leaves behind two children both pre-teen and a wife.  He was just about to sell his house and move into a new one. I saw him two weeks ago at our normal Friday fish lunch.  He sat next to me and we talked about his job, his moving plans, his house.

We got our little dog, a pug, from Jesse. He bred his two pugs, Bear and Foster.  Bear died two months ago from heat exhaustion. Dogs like pugs don't tolerate heat, as little as 75dF can be dangerous for them.  Jesse was distraught.

I sit here thinking that it's at times like this that I really wish I wasn't a fucking atheist.  I want to believe that Jesse is with Bear and his father, Guy, who died when Jesse was only 15.

I had so little time to know him.  I have few cousins on my father's side of the family.  Only one first cousin.  Jesse was a first cousin once removed, or some shit like that. Our grandfathers were brothers.  I only got to know him in the last 10 years.  That side of the family isn't tight.

Jesse came with us on the yearly Men's Camping weekend and had his own 20" boat with a v-6 inboard.  He missed this years gathering, it was scheduled on the weekend of his daughter's birthday and he didn't want to miss that.


I don't know what to do with myself.  I look at my work and it means absolutely nothing to me right now.  My employer is excellent about it, they have no expectations. 


A friend of mine who worked with Jesse, whom got the job through Jesse, and whom worked with him every day just sent me an IM.

p:  "I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something"
g:  "ya, I know the feeling.  That there should be something that would make a difference, or somehow, someway make it better.
But the shit thing is that there is nothing."

There is not a thing I can do.  Not for his wife and kids, not for P, and not for myself.


God dammit so much.







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God dammit so much | 23 comments (23 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
sorry for your loss, G by tierrasimbolica (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 02:46:09 PM EST
hug


Thank you. n/t by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 03:12:02 PM EST


"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
:-( by ana (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 03:08:15 PM EST
*hug* for whatever it's worth. 

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

Thanks ana by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 03:12:41 PM EST
I appreciate it.

"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
Sorry to hear that by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 03:24:51 PM EST
If there's nothing you can do, then just try to take it easy. There are heart disease charities of course.
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
Thanks, I appreciate it. n/t by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 04:12:58 PM EST


"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
Damn... by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 03:37:49 PM EST
Sorry for your loss.  :-(
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
Thanks UCB. n/t by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 04:13:27 PM EST


"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
so very sorry to hear it! by clock (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 07:00:19 PM EST
I bid you and your family peace.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

oh, suck, man. by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 07:50:33 PM EST
that's terrible news.

hug

I don't know what to do with myself.  I look at my work and it means absolutely nothing to me right now

Been there, Done that. Wear the T-Shirt.

It will get better.

hug
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

*damnit* by MostlyHarmless (4.00 / 1) #11 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 07:54:13 PM EST
I'm sorry to hear that dude. hugs
--
[Mostly Harmless]
Sorry man by FlightTest (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 07:55:07 PM EST
n/t

My Condolences :( by R343L (4.00 / 1) #13 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 08:08:41 PM EST
I don't know what you can really do either (except the obvious such as offering to help if they need anything, etc. which doesn't really help exactly ...)

HUGS

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot

I think, maybe, if you're local... by ana (4.00 / 4) #14 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 09:26:37 PM EST
the right way to phrase that is, "What one practical thing are you procrastinating right now that I can take care of for you?"

And for all the whinging about the "Blue Haired Casserole Brigade", it really was useful to have a house full of food that anybody could help themselves to whenever they noticed they were hungry. 

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
I think you're wrong. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 4) #15 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 09:36:12 PM EST
There is something you CAN do - tell THEM what you just told us. They need to hear it too. Hang tough, bro.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

^^^ THIS ^^^ by BadDoggie (4.00 / 3) #18 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 05:44:56 AM EST
Sorry, man.

woof.

Jesus Christ you're a tool -- Dr Thrustgood

[ Parent ]
That sucks man! by purr (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 12:16:08 AM EST
I feel bad for you! Sorry you lost a cousin, friend and fellow dog person.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
people-shaped holes in the world suck by iGrrrl (4.00 / 2) #17 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 12:19:55 AM EST
And I am sorry for your loss.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

Screw you, heart attacks. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 06:49:08 AM EST
The only thing you can do is remember him well and tell his family how much he meant to you. Do that well, and his memory will be honoured.

But yes, memories hurt when they have holes punched in them.

ugh by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 12:28:15 PM EST
condolences :(

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

Goddamn. by technician (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 09:37:19 PM EST
Sorry to hear it.

Condolences and by johnny (4.00 / 1) #22 Thu Sep 22, 2011 at 12:40:21 PM EST
that's a lovely remembrance. Share it with his family.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
I am sorry, mate by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #23 Thu Sep 22, 2011 at 05:43:44 PM EST
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God dammit so much | 23 comments (23 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback