Print Story So, I've given up drinking for 6 months
Diary
By ObviousTroll (Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 08:59:41 AM EST) (all tags)
To allow my sense of shame to heal. 


I already told this story on FB, but I haven't posted anything here in a while, so I figured I should share the long version.

I have a friend I've known since we were freshmen, Tony. I owe Tony a lot for all he's done for me through the years, everything from forcing me out of the machine room and into actually socializing with actual women, to being the best man at my wedding, to making me the guy he always turned to when he was struggling with some crisis or another. (To the point where I was the one his wife called to tell me she was going to surprise him with a threesome for his 40th birthday, but I digress....)

Anyway, his dad died and he didn't tell me or anyone else outside immediate family. I found out because he was sorting through old family photos and he was IMing me with pictures of me when we were in school.  (And if that isn't a passive-aggressive method for getting someone to call you and ask 'WTF' I don't know what is....) So, I notified a couple of other old friends, and we went to the funeral, but I wanted to get Tony to open up and let off a little steam, so I offered to take him out for drinking and cigars and a 3rd friend offered to be designated driver.

A week later, I showed up with a bottle of Knob Creek 9-year old bourbon (120 proof, btw....) and a zip lock bag of cigars. We went out to dinner, and then we went bowling, which I do badly.  Now, in theory we did everything "right" - we had a steak dinner first, and we actually stopped drinking part way through the second game, before we were "really drunk" - but at Tony's suggestion we ended up playing a game where we had to drink every time I guttered, which often meant 2 shots per frame, and we had been drinking the bourbon straight from the bottle, and there was apparently enough bourbon in our stomaches that by the end of the 3rd game, I was "unresponsive" and he had attracted the attention of the staff.

So, apparently 4 guys tossed me into the back of the DD's car, then my friend's 21 year old daughter and her friends hoisted me into the foyer, stripped me, threw a blanket over me and threw my clothes in the washer. 

It was sometime the next morning when I realized what the word "shame" actually means: It's the feeling you have when you realize there's a gap between who you think you are, and what you just did. I've also wondered if this was Tony's plan to keep me from poking him till he talked about his dad.

Anyway, Tony and I have sent several apologies to the 3rd friend and his wife. I have no idea what to say to his daughter - (she wants to be a doctor, so I guess seeing a middle aged fat guy in his skivvies is good experience) but I've also decided that since I've proven that I'm still incapable of doing anything in moderation, it's time to take an immoderate break from drinking.  I picked 6 months because that will bring us around to our annual holiday party (aka "The Festival of Leftovers"), at which point we'll see whether I decide to pick up the bottle again, or to make the not-drinking thing permanent.

The problem is that I really wasn't lying to people when I said I drank bourbon to kill the pain and help me sleep. As I type this, both knees, an elbow and my neck are all throbbing. Advil, aspirin, tylenol all take the edge off the pain, but the bourbon works much better (almost as good as cycling, but I can't do that in the middle of the night). I've been waking up exhausted every night for the past week.

What else?

Did I mention that 36 hours after I woke up from this little fiasco, I had to do the Irish Pub Tour De Shore?  I actually did it in very good form; the route is as flat as a pancake and quite short compared to some of the rides Hulver et al have done over the past few years.  The only negatives are that the sun and the headwinds get quite nasty towards the end.  My son didn't do quite so well - it was his first organized ride, and he refused my offers of sunscreen - he was badly burned, bonked and had a bit of heat exhaustion at the end.  Still, he finished. I'm proud of him.

What else?

We've stripped the living room (again) and replaced the 20+ year old carpet with something new, thick and fuzzy. When we put all the furniture back, I, with great malice and mirth, decapitated the hideous computer "armoire" my wife had bought years ago, re-wired the sound system so the surround speakers are in the right place and set up wireless speakers for other rooms. The result looks (and sounds) great, the only problem was that I had to cut a 1/2 inch (1.25 cm in euro-units) off the bottom of the basement door because the new carpet is thicker than the old.

What else?

I am now the chief financial officer for the astronomy club, a line-officer for my masonic splinter faction and chief trustee of my church. I'm more concerned than ever that I'm going to screw something up big time - especially with the church, whose century old inner city building needs constant upkeep. (1) Current crises include: replacing all the existing fluorescent light fixtures because the existing bulbs are obsolete. (2) The HVAC clogged its tubes, lost a condenser and made it rain in the sanctuary, (3) yesterday, we had plaster fall from the sanctuary roof, apparently caused by (2).   

Did I mention we have 30 foot ceilings (10 meters, ibid)?  I've also become an actual manager, after avoiding that for 10 years now, when I hired a couple of nice ladies to replace our 90+ year old custodian.

Wrapping up: I noticed the other day that our minister put a rainbow flag sticker on our "Welcome to First Baptist" sign.  I've always known he was keen on attracting blacks and hispanics, and that was fine, and I coped when he told us that we had to accept gays and lesbians too - but does this mean he's trying to attract Democrats, too? I mean, there are limits to what someone can tolerate....




< We're putting the band back together. | There are patterns in things >
So, I've given up drinking for 6 months | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Don't worry, Democrats don't like a Christian God by georgeha (4.00 / 4) #1 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 09:14:24 AM EST
though they'll go nuts worshipping an atheistic Marxist version of a Muslim God.


Good luck. by hulver (4.00 / 4) #2 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 09:14:26 AM EST

--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
it's such a great story by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #3 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 09:40:26 AM EST
it needs to be told multiple times..

Chief Financial Officer? by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 10:06:21 AM EST
Jesus Christ! How many financial officers does an astronomy club need?

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

To be fair by kwsNI (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 10:14:08 AM EST
If there's only one, they become the de facto chief.

[ Parent ]
That sounds like dot-com talk, mister. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 10:41:25 AM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
It's a club by kwsNI (4.00 / 1) #9 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:07:18 AM EST
It's dot-org talk.

[ Parent ]
Well, in any social organization by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:25:45 AM EST
there's generally a treasurer, a financial secretary, and trustees.  Saying "CFO" was the easiest way to explain that they've both managed to (a) combine all those functions into one person (never a good idea) and (b) managed to have considerably more complicated finances than anything else I've ever been involved in.

As always, the main problem is too much work and not enough volunteers.


An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
Many groups have a 2 sig rule. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 12:20:05 PM EST
At least, many AA groups. Treasurer signature, and Chair signature, on every check. But this may be because AA treasurers have been known to go off to Vegas/Atlantic City/the local bar with the treasury.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
You'd think that, wouldn't you? by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 01:38:36 PM EST
The good news is that the "big money" does require both my signature and the vice-presidents.

Did I mention my wife is the vice president of the club?


An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
Hmmmmm. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 03:11:42 PM EST
Off to Bora Bora for the second honeymoon?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I thought of you the other day by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 10:23:23 AM EST
when I saw the local paper advertise an event for your astronomy club.

I am surprised as to how no one has asked yet how your friend's wife pulled off the threesome.

"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

Point of order: by clock (4.00 / 3) #8 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:05:48 AM EST
Women don't "pull off" a threesome. Much like getting laid, they just do it.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Well by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:14:23 AM EST
just who did she solicit is my question...!
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
[ Parent ]
He didn't say exactly what she was calling about by ks1178 (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:11:52 AM EST
Maybe she was asking if he'd like to be the third part...

[ Parent ]
No no no no no no no no no no by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:27:10 AM EST
no.

I love the guy, but like a brother. Not even at all in the other way.

In any case, we're all in our 40s exactly how "hot" could this experience possibly be?


An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
that's why mature threesome by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 12:28:29 PM EST
returns 0 google hits, if I were daft enough to try that at work.


[ Parent ]
I actually tried to talk her out of it. by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 2) #13 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:23:29 AM EST
She was planning to recruit an ex-girlfriend of his and, frankly, I thought that could only result in bad news.

Later, the conversation went something like "So, she told you about that, huh?", "Yeah.", "Sigh."




An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
Nietzsche by ni (4.00 / 4) #10 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 11:11:20 AM EST
68. "I did that," says my memory. "I could not have done that," says my pride, and remains inexorable. Eventually--the memory yields.

(Beyond Good and Evil)


"These days it seems like sometimes dreams of Italian hyper-gonadism are all a man's got to keep him going." -- CRwM

Masons have splinter factions? by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 12:22:15 PM EST
Highland vs Lowland Scottish Rite? Scottish vs Irish?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Continental lodges are different by Captain Tenille (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 01:55:55 PM EST
If nothing else, French lodges allow atheists to join. 

---------

/* You are not expected to understand this. */


[ Parent ]
I wish the American ones did by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #22 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 03:21:12 PM EST
I'd join if it wasn't for the deist requirement.



"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
My father tried to get me to join by miker2 (4.00 / 1) #23 Wed Aug 10, 2011 at 09:29:41 PM EST
but realized, after telling him for over half my life, that I don't believe in a god. 

Ah, sociopathy. How warm, how comforting, thy sweet embrace. - MNS
[ Parent ]
They also admit women by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu Aug 11, 2011 at 12:04:01 AM EST
which, I hear, was the real deal breaker, and why they changed their name. 

An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
Scottish Rite, by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu Aug 11, 2011 at 12:03:04 AM EST
Blue Lodge, Shriners, Tall Cedars, Blue Grotto, Consistory (not even sure what that last one is) and what ever branch Langdon belongs to.

An Angry and Flatulent Pig, Trying to Tie Balloon Animals
[ Parent ]
So, I've given up drinking for 6 months | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback