i'm happy. for the first time in a very, very, very long time. it took a while. spent the first 3.5 months depressed, stuck, not doing anything. and then i met a group of people who are teaching me more than i ever thought possible in an art that i thought was lost to me. i'm meeting amazing people from all areas of life, but still find myself drawn to the geeks and nerds. nothing wrong with that; i just don't get the impression they are on the same level as myself. also, they are much, much younger. can't handle a woman of my age and experience. it's getting annoying, all the assumptions. i am who i am, more self-expressed than i have been in a very long time. and yet, everyone thinks i'm more wild than i am.
i was described as a hippie recently; never in my life have i been described that way. and i never thought of myself that way. but as i explore my art more, i'm becoming freer; with my self expression and my expression of love for life. fuck what other people think; i love who i am becoming. it just hurts my ego sometimes.
i got a summer job - no more nannying for me. which is fine, since i hated the mom anyway. loved the kids, but mom drove me crazy. now i'm doing theater at a camp. dunno what's going to happen after 8 weeks, but it'll be fine. i have faith its going to work out. so far, when i fully believe, it does.
need to start doing more things for myself. i'm thinking of getting a sugar daddy to help out with that. not a bad thing; a friend did it and had great experience with it. we'll see.
this adventure keeps getting better...
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