Print Story Life in the State System
By jayhawk88 (Fri Oct 21, 2011 at 03:08:00 PM EST) (all tags)

It's October! Time for the annual Open Enrollment for your State of Kansas Health Benefits!"

Me: Grumble....OK, I've put this off a while, let's get to it.

There's a new Health Rewards Program! If you go to the trouble of performing several different health-related activities on your own time like having a health screening, attending online seminars, preventive exams, or working with a health and fitness coach (in a manner approved by the program of course), and report them (in the approved manner) to an entirely separate portal (with a separate username and password) you may be eligible for a "Premium Discount" on your health insurance in 2013, a value that we will not let you know at this time but will almost surely be more than $2/paycheck! Also, cheap, disposable prizes!

Me: Whatever, Next.

Enter your EmployeeID that you care about exactly one time a year!

Me: OK, look it up on my paycheck stub from the other other portal site, Enter.

No, not that one silly! The secret EmployeeID that is not the same as the one on your paycheck for reasons that have never been explained!

Me: Crap...OK, dredge my email archive to the one time 10 years ago this came up and HR had to help me...OK there it is.

Enter your password that you would have reset at this time last year and not thought about since!

Me: Ummm...*several guesses*

WRONG! Remember, your password to this site will expire every 30 days, even though there's absolutely no reason for 99% of state employees to access this site more than once a year! In short, there's no chance that you'll get logged in. Do you wish to reset your password?

Me: Fine, reset

Here is your 10 digit random password, displayed on screen and not emailed to you for some reason! What you're going to do now is Ctrl-C it of course...

Me: Of course...

...And now here's the login screen prompting for your Secret EmployeeID and the 10 digit random password that is being held perilously within your computers RAM! Let's see if you're smart or dumb!

Me: OK, so I've got the Secret EmployeeID still open from my archive email, so I'll just copy and paste that into...

Oh, look, you've lost the 10 digit random password from computer memory, because you were dumb and didn't paste it into Notepad before trying to copy the Secret EmployeeID! No, silly, don't try to hit back on the password reset screen, it's gone. You'll need to reset this again.

Me: ARGH! OK, through the process.

Success! Now, choose a new password!

Me: Ok...

Oh, I'm sorry, you've used this password before sometime within the past 10 years.

Me: This one?

Try again, noob!

Me: OK, my current one


Me: Horray!

Tell me what your email address and phone number are! that we can contact you about....Health Benefits....or something. It's required, just do it punk!

Me: What? *sigh*, fine, there.

Now, fill out this additional form verifying that you are not a smoker! If you do not do this, your premiums will automatically be increased by some insane amount!

Me: Fine, let's just get this over with.

Do you wish change your current plan, or keep the existing one! Just kidding, we're not going to give you any kind of on-screen indication of what your current plan is, go dig through your email or look on your paycheck to find the other link that will tell you what your current plan is, so you can select the same one.

Me: I hate you, State of Kansas. Next.

Ha ha, you don't learn, do you? Let's play the same game with your vision and dental insurance!

Me: How has someone not firebombed Topeka by now? Next.

Success! You've finally finished this process. Now, you are free to not think about this again for a whole calendar year!

But the jokes on you, State of Kansas! After only 11 years of employ, I'VE REMEMBERED TO COPY MY SECRET EMPLOYEE ID TO GOOGLE DOCS! Victory is mine!
< Fans Are Slans | Temporary Immortality [WFC entry] >
Life in the State System | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)
A few weeks ago I discovered by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Oct 21, 2011 at 05:20:15 PM EST
that google docs had deleted a file I'd wanted to keep.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

That sounds quite a bit like my life in ... by lm (4.00 / 0) #2 Fri Oct 21, 2011 at 06:48:19 PM EST
... the private sector.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
Wellness JackPot? by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Oct 21, 2011 at 07:59:20 PM EST
I wonder if the Affordable Care Act has some odd provision because we didn't get a 'Wellness JackPot' til after it had passed.  We just get crappy prizes, as our only out of pocket expense is a $600 deduct.

Sounds about right by duxup (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Oct 31, 2011 at 01:54:50 PM EST
Folks doing the presentations at our company alway go over the If you forgot your password  I just hope they're rattling off a script without thinking rather than seriously thinking we remember that damn password or anything about last year's options or such.
Life in the State System | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)