Print Story It's the Nights That are the Hardest
 The days are easy to handle.  Anyone can handle the days.

Poll:  Of course there' s a poll.


 Tired and aching.  That's the descriptor yes?  But it's that late night sort of heart achery, not the sort of healthy "Hey I've worked out 5 times this week" kind of achery.

 

No. No... that would be far too healthy.


Instead, in my tower with the little things that flitter about the feet mocking their own chicaneries.  Buried with my own petard.  Still though, it's something.  Sometimes, if it's late enough and sleep decides that tonight is going to be the night when it decides to be a vindictive little bitch, I will lie motionless and wait for the sounds to come.  That morning that signals the fluttery visits of morn.  And I wonder that if they were capable they wouldn't much care.  And I wonder why I wonder.  And I wonder.

And.

For everything I say, there's four things I'm not saying, but maybe most people are that way.  I think, perhaps, if I were to wish for one thing, it would be to peer inside your heads.  To know what such a world is... and not just for selfish reasons of comparison but also for altruistic ones.  Most of my time is spent just wanting to understand.  In fact, one might say that is my most driving force and my greatest weakness.

Well okay, my greatest weakness is homemade honey wheat bread, but after that....

I'm dancing around a lot aren't I?   I spend a lot of time just justifying, or reanalyzing... too much time in the head.. too little time not out of it...

but often, I can't take too much outside of it.  Everything gets replayed, and if it hurts then it hurts double, and if it's great then it's too great and how long can we sustain this greatness?

How long can we sustain this greatness?

When I was a younger man, and started blathering in entries online, I was reaching out I suppose.  It was reactionary to things that were going on at the time, and maybe that's why I don't do it as much.  I do it elsewhere, sort of... but it's much shorter... and much more coy.   Maybe I am just better at hiding it as I get older, or maybe I like that arm's length.

Maybe I am just a user.  I certainly take more than I give.. that much is true.

Still though, I'm glad to have this option.  This place feels... safe.. like home at times... and if nothing else.. oh the times we've had.  Oh the times we had.

Nostalgia's a hell of a drug.

But back to the current time line.  

What sort of night is it when a comedy song can make you melancholy?  How ridiculous is THAT?!  I wonder when one stops feeling like a broody teenager at times.  Does that stick with?  I think I need to visit a community of older people just to find out if it's how it is or if it's my narcissism only.

This thing is all over the place.  I should never write when this sleep deprived.

I guess what I'm saying is that there are certain things I miss about the past, and though I know those things are gone forever, it's sometimes still nice to think on them.

I hope you all are well, while you still are... and that you stay that way as much as possible, until you are not...

Love,
-Q

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It's the Nights That are the Hardest | 41 comments (41 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Kites really are ridiculous. by me0w (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 12:15:05 AM EST

"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."
They so are! (Not Transferrable) by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #2 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 12:17:36 AM EST
 

-Q
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"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
The extra r is for extra fast typing. by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 12:18:59 AM EST
also replying to myself.. little changes, it seems. 

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
I'll take the extra 'r'. by me0w (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 12:23:36 AM EST
Sometimes I run out of them.


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by aggressive cyclist (4.00 / 2) #8 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 05:45:42 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by aggressive cyclist



[ Parent ]
Especially on "Be a Pirate Day" by anonimouse (4.00 / 2) #10 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 07:19:17 AM EST
Arrrrrrr!


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
It's sad. by me0w (4.00 / 1) #23 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 11:19:51 AM EST
Sometimes I want to put in a good hearty ARRRRrrRRRRRgh, but I just simply run out of r's and then the gh gets up and leaves. And then I am left alone with a bottle of rum and my shame.


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

[ Parent ]
Cover your shame, woman! by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #28 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 05:57:12 PM EST
Sorry, but I just don't get enough chances to use that line IRL.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
you ain't no Vanna White by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #15 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:38:07 AM EST
and Q ain't no Pat Sajak.

[ Parent ]
Close enough. by ni (4.00 / 1) #22 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:28:10 AM EST
I suppose no one can be right all the time.


"These days it seems like sometimes dreams of Italian hyper-gonadism are all a man's got to keep him going." -- CRwM
[ Parent ]
You don't say. by mrgoat (4.00 / 2) #16 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:55:01 AM EST


--top hat--
[ Parent ]
I didn't. by MisterQueue (4.00 / 2) #19 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:19:26 AM EST
But you did.

-Q
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"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
I did. by mrgoat (4.00 / 2) #21 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:27:05 AM EST
Didn't you?

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
Surely it wasn't me. by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #32 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:04:38 PM EST
I bet it was me.

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
understanding by R343L (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 12:30:50 AM EST
Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible (I don't seem to be achieving it anyway). Then I decide I'm not sure I care: I enjoy what I'm doing and who I'm living with, etc.

I like seeing your coy flickr pictures anyway.

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot

Yes well... by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #11 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 08:57:53 AM EST
Possible?  Probably not, however I suppose I still care, which can be.. infuriating.  Maybe that is the problem.  I need to care less, but not in the apathetic fashion.

Also, thank you. 

-Q
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"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
'I need to visit a community of older people' by ammoniacal (4.00 / 7) #6 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 02:28:11 AM EST
Go ahead and unpack your bags. You're there.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Oooh.. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 08:58:58 AM EST

Is Husi getting old?  Is that what you are saying?


Or are you just implying that every moment I'm older than the last moment, in which case...

well that's a do/while loop I don't really want to get caught in. 


-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
It is getting old. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #17 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:55:18 AM EST
Hell, we've got people from more frenetic k5ian days getting married and having kids and doing other grown up stuff like that. (Grown ups do that sort of thing, right?)

Put your feet up, old boy, on this here ottoman. What's old is new again.

--top hat--

[ Parent ]
Babies? Eff that. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #18 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:17:57 AM EST
Some things don't change... I guess I'm one of them.

-Q
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"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
Agreed. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:24:09 AM EST
None for me, thanks, but I'll have a little of that soup.

Besides, I said Husi was getting older, not un-awesomer.

--top hat--

[ Parent ]
technically, since I have a child by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #37 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 11:19:27 PM EST
you have a child, given that I'm you.
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
Curse your logic! by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #39 Tue Sep 21, 2010 at 09:05:46 AM EST
Oh well. At least this way I can play with my boobs.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
does this mean by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #40 Tue Sep 21, 2010 at 06:41:07 PM EST
i get a penis?
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
I suppose it does! by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #41 Tue Sep 21, 2010 at 10:33:57 PM EST
Also, it doubles as a hatrack.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
Here's a picture of me when I was younger. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #26 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 03:52:43 PM EST
Dude, every picture of you is from when you were younger.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Quey, quey, quey by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #7 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 02:50:47 AM EST
How sweet of you to care.


A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
Exactly
My Name is Earl

Oh I'm sure it's all an act by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #13 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 08:59:35 AM EST
but... probably not... 

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
comedy and melancholy by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 06:15:40 AM EST
The best comedy is at least part pathos.

What's that saying? by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:00:11 AM EST
Comedy = tragedy + time?

or was that what a Job was? 

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
The Goat and Queue by Phage (4.00 / 1) #24 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 11:39:37 AM EST
(Sounds like a pub....)
There's nostalgia right there.

The Goat And Queue by MisterQueue (4.00 / 2) #31 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:03:30 PM EST
and it's ladies night.

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
You are not alone by littlestar (4.00 / 1) #25 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 02:14:33 PM EST
Funny songs can make me feel nostalgic and melancholy, I think there are others too.

I think how you felt when you wrote this, it is a way we all feel sometimes.

No one says all that broils in their head, and certainly not with others whom they have a relationship with, it wouldn't be nice really. : ) 

"Feeling like a broody teenager" is actually just a regular human way to feel, we just happen to notice it in teenagers first because it is more exaggerated and it's adults who do the noticing, so teenagers get stuck with the title, truth is its human. Never gonna go away. Sucks huh? Another one that sucks is, I am not a teenager yet I have a zit. That is wrong. Just sayin'.

I also hope you are well and the day has brought you some smiles.

*twinkle*twinkle*


Hrm... by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #30 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:02:52 PM EST
I would link it to prove that my melancholy was completely uncalled for, but my shame is all consuming.

It is good to know that some of the information seems to have gotten through.. it is bad to know that this will keep happening.

But not bad in a bad way, more bad in a mediocre way, you know?

That being said...  today was a day, no more, no less.

I hope yours went all twinkly like.

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
above all, remain calm by clock (4.00 / 2) #27 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 05:09:52 PM EST
the nostalgia and nausea will pass. until then, pull up an old folks chair and enjoy the view from web 1.0.  i'm waiting for it to be rebranded as "Web Classic."

and yes, you're a fucker alright.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

I so am a fucker! by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #29 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:00:19 PM EST
Ah but it's what is underlying when it passes that really scares me.

And I don't admit fear lightly... oh no.

-Q
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"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
underlying on the job, eh? by clock (4.00 / 1) #33 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:12:53 PM EST
dock him a day's pay!

and up your fiber.  we all need more fiber.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Dry Docked and Wet Under the Ears by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #34 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:17:40 PM EST
Are you implying I'm full of shit?

-Q
--------------
"When I get bored, I pretend I am MisterQueue." -DullTrev

[ Parent ]
never imply. by clock (4.00 / 1) #35 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 09:58:55 PM EST
always infer.

or en fer?  one of those has to do with jalepenos.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
I read your stuff in the voice of Scorpius. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #38 Tue Sep 21, 2010 at 03:54:05 AM EST
It makes me giggly on the inside.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
thinking vs. saying = true by nstenz (4.00 / 1) #36 Mon Sep 20, 2010 at 10:54:32 PM EST
And we're all getting old. 

It's the Nights That are the Hardest | 41 comments (41 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback