Print Story A Day in the Life -- Magnanimous
Working life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:07:21 AM EST) decades (all tags)
Meathead (my manager) came up to the Desk o' Hate high atop Munich on the first floor of the Greenhouse building, smiling like he'd actually gotten a raise and holding a folder in his hand. "Congratulations!" he said, handing it to me.

What could this be? A list of trainings I can finally have? A transfer to a less shittastical office? Permanent home office approval?

Poll: brewery by-products
x-posted to da brog.

"It's now ten years since you are viz ze company, " Meathead explained as I opened the folder. "You have zis now."

It was a full-colour, A4 certificate congratulating me on having held out for 10 years in this hell. Printed on an old colour inkjet (the banding was pretty bad). And signed by two people in HR I've never heard of.

"That's not all, is it?" I asked, trying hard not to show just how underwhelmed I was.

"No," Meathead replied, "Zair's more!" He was almost beaming. "You can have ze authorisation to order a 10-year anniversary pen."

"No bonus?"
"No, of course not."
"Not even five yo-yos to go get a beer?"
"No, you know zat zere is no bonus money like zat in $MegaCorp."
"A free day of extra vacation, maybe?"
"Well, I guess you can leave early today if you get all ze extra work done early."

Colour me underwhelmed.

A pen. A fucking pen and shitty "certificate". Be still my shriveled, black heart.

< It's like Star Wars, as told from the POV of Leia. | So he asked me, and I told him, >
A Day in the Life -- Magnanimous | 25 comments (25 topical, 1 hidden) | Trackback
A pen, ha ha by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:11:31 AM EST
We get bejeweled lapel pins, I think my latest was a pair of emeralds, suitable for playing back vinyl.

At one time there was a catalog one could order things from, not any more. Our managers do get a small amount for a celebration, not too long ago she pooled four ten year anniversaries, which was enough to fund a small picnic.

The pins are the best by jayhawk88 (2.00 / 0) #5 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:51:07 AM EST
Especially when you work somewhere, where the dress code is south of even "business casual", and more than a few people show up every day in polo's and jeans. Who the hell wears these things? For that matter, what company could you work for, that you would actually be proud to wear such a pin? NASA? MIT? Playboy Inc?

[ Parent ]
I worked at a local hospital. by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #13 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 06:39:59 PM EST
They did the gem chip pin thing for every 5 years you lasted... or at least they did when I used to work there.

"The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface
[ Parent ]
Hah! by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:19:33 AM EST
For my five year tenure, I got a plaque!  And a $50 gift certificate at the company store*!

* Which sells almost nothing under $200.
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

Well at least it was presented by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #3 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:28:55 AM EST
Rather than dumped on your desk by your boss.

I've never lasted that long at a job. by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #4 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:39:37 AM EST

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

perspective by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 06:16:17 PM EST
you go home to a beautiful, intelligent wife and a beautiful, intelligent daughter.

While our daughters are both beautiful & intelligent...that's a DRAW, mate].

I sleep with a pile of laundry, a cat, a laptop (err, maybe two, the other one stays on the desk) and if I am frisky, battery operated machinery and an empty wine glass or three.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

just 2? by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 06:59:46 PM EST
I sleep with 3 and hell I just remembered there's another in the kitchen.  Doing there, I have no idea, as it doesn't work.

[ Parent ]
I didn't count by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 08:57:02 PM EST
the old PowerBook and the Linux box with Mandrake that hasn't been booted since 2006 or so.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
[ Parent ]
obligatory wil you marry me by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 10:30:35 PM EST
Oh yeah only one of the laptops works for sure.  One has a cracked screen and kinda works.  The other has no operating system, no USB, no CD, but a network card.  It's a project some day.  I collect hardware.

[ Parent ]
Your sleep situation ..... by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 07:28:25 PM EST
could be worse, you know ...... just sayin'.
Get over it.
[ Parent ]
LOL BOB? by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Sep 01, 2010 at 08:59:32 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
correction by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri Sep 03, 2010 at 05:39:29 AM EST
You did not get a pen. You got an authorisation to order a pen. That's a whole different level of meaning.

Authorisation, yes, by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #23 Sun Sep 05, 2010 at 09:47:06 AM EST
But should I order it from the company store, the company will not charge me for it. They will, however, deduct the entire SRP from our division's budget.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Job opportunity by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri Sep 03, 2010 at 02:33:45 PM EST
Perhaps it's time to try something different.
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
Ouch by duxup (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Sep 08, 2010 at 10:48:36 AM EST
Two companies ago our employer was bought and some folks 10 anniversaries came up.  They got a plastic branded clock.... none of them in my office worked.  Not a single one.  The broken clocks were all displayed prominently at the most visible locations in those folks cubes as a sort of pseudo protest.

We were bought again and my 10 year came up.  I got a big box with a bunch of branded stuff, but fairly good quality.  A good jacket, lighter fleece coat thing, a nice "stadium blanket", and authorization to expense some personal stuff.  For 10 years I can't say I was super impressed, but it wasn't bad either.  Even better they went back later and sent the same package to the folks who hit their 10 year under the broken clock company.

I suggest you hang the paper proudly with the pen taped to it.  Let everyone know what you got.

We don't bother by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed Sep 08, 2010 at 02:11:55 PM EST
The special quarterly and annual awards are even worse than this. It's sad that we got better swag when $MegaCorp bought up $BigCorp than we get for longevity and excellence.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life -- Magnanimous | 25 comments (25 topical, 1 hidden) | Trackback