Just started a 730 AM Trig class and another online English course. Turns out that ACC is cheaper than I thought. My benefactor gave me money for these new classes and wen I went to pay for the, they told me that they were paid for by the original outlay of money. So I now have fall classes paid for, too. PreCal and US Hist, I'm coming for you! At the same time, maybe I'd feel better about it all if I didn't feel the way I do right now. More on that later...
So my computer went out on me a couple of weeks ago. I went to my favorite local computer shop that has been steadily getting smaller and small over the last decade for a new motherboard and CPU. They were out of the CPUs I wanted. :( Thanks Jeebus for Fry's! I got a much better motherboard and CPU for about $20 less than I was going to pay before. I suspect this is the reason why the local place has been dying.
Welsh Girl is starting to get a bit bigger. Luckily, she's past the early miserable part and into the feeling great part. Well, most of the time, anyway. The Despoina, of course, is her cute, energetic self.
It's official. I did not get either job. I went by to inquire this morning since my class is right down the street. Apparently, their new hires started last week. I guess I just haven't gotten the letter yet. So much for enthusiasm...
So, Welsh Girl comes to me last night. She's thinking about going back to work full time until the birth. Right now, she's working part time and that gets us insurance (I'd skip it for myself, but she and the Despoina need it for obvious reasons) and just enough extra to barely be unable to make ends meet. After December, barring luck, we'll just be living on my unemployment and that's not even close to being enough.
Of course, if she does work full time, then I may have to change my classes around and be a stay at home father, finding time to study and job hunt wherever I can. Neither one of us likes this. She wants to be a stay at home mother. I don't. I want to go out and work. She doesn't. And, joy of joys, fate has put us exactly where we don't want to be.
Times like this, I feel like an almost complete and total failure. I can't articulate what I expected from marriage (much to my wife's chagrin) but I certainly expected that I would be the one to bring home the proverbial bacon. Maybe it's a little bit of machismo remaining from the age I grew up in. Maybe it's some gender bull still floating around in my head. But I always expected to do my part financially. If my wife made more than me, that's cool. I'm not hung up on that (though, to be honest, if she made VASTLY more than I did [4x or more], it might bother me a little). But I always expected that I would have a job. Actually, I guess, I do have a job. Unfortunately, it's suckling from the teat of the state. I hear it's a growth industry. Maybe, just maybe, I'm just not a modern man. Maybe I'm sick of having to constantly justify my worth to strangers. Maybe I'm sick of continually being found wanting. Maybe I just want to curl up in bed for a few days and say "to hell with everything else."
But that's not an option. Welsh Girl has to work tonight. Someone has to take care of the Despoina. I have to start a stupid paper on a stupid story by stupid Chekhov. God, I fucking hate Russian Literature. But in the words of Turanga Leela, "you gotta do what you gotta do."
Stuff to do. Posting now. Will post again soon. Wouldn't want to disappoint my adoring fans, now would I?
That is all.
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