Print Story I'm a kitchen wizard.
By nightflameblue (Wed May 12, 2010 at 11:50:17 AM EST) (all tags)
Given one main ingredient and a time limit, I rescued a blah evening.
  • Supper.
  • Boobies.
  • Aquarium.
  • Yesterday.


"Do something with the shrimp. 6:30."

Mission set.

Now, the danger in a situation like this is, this is end of the grocery cycle in our house. This means my usual cooking supplies are very, very short. Very short.

So, I get home, do the chores, and start looking at supplies. No onions, no fresh tomatoes, no peppers of any kind, and no coconut milk. There's 75% or so of my shrimp ideas out.

I dig more. Carrots, potatoes, rice, diced canned tomatoes, tomato sauce, and my creole spice mix that I made up the last time we had jambalaya. Minced some garlic, tossed some rice on the stove to go, chopped the carrots and potatoes, fried them up in a touch of olive oil, and dumped the rest of the stuff into the pan along with some of the leftover grilled italian sausage we had. The shrimp went in last.

Went past 6:30 by five minutes, but it was fine.

I could tell by the look on her face she didn't like the idea of what she saw before her when it was served. She had been looking forward to a Lipton rice or noodle pack with shrimp in it, apparently. But, she took a bite. Then another.

I asked, "alright?"

"Yeah," she said between bites. "Not bad at all."

Afterwards she admitted to me she really didn't like the looks of it and really didn't want to taste it, but she decided a long time ago to always take at least one bite when I cook something because most of the time it surprises her in a good way. She said it was a really good meal and thanked me.

I could really let that go to my head if I didn't remember all the disasterpieces I've created in the kitchen over the years. I've had a surprising number of good make it up as I go along dishes lately though. Maybe I'm actually good at something after all?


The boss (Destro) and the plant engineer (Brak) have a band together. Now, they've upgraded from being a really, REALLY shitty cover band to being an OK cover band. They mainly play eighties pop tunes, with a bit of teh rawk thrown in from time to time. However, they think of themselves as being TEH SHIT.

Good for them.

Unfortunately, we were regaled with tales of boobies this week. Apparently some drunken audience member raised a shirt for them at some point late in the evening on their weekend gig. By the way they're acting over it, you'd think they've never seen boobies before. In the words of BB, "You're married men for christ sake. You should be able to see titties anytime you want."

Still, they twitter like twelve year olds that caught the neighbor hottay changing without closing the drapes. The scary thing to me is, if they were really as good as they say they are, this would not be such a huge occurrence. They don't seem to get that being the bestest band of all time ever should lead to seeing lots of boobies. I mean, I hate to sound sexist or whatever, but that's generally the way it works. Hell, even our suck-job band back in the late eighties saw it's share of underdeveloped teenage breastices. And we were all young enough at the time that alcohol really didn't play a factor.

Still, there is a certain something about seeing a thirty plus year old man giggling like a school girl as he says to you, "we saw boobies."

A certain something that makes you wanna slap him across the face and say, "man up, you tool."


Got my test kits yesterday. Readings:

  • PH: 8.3
  • Ammonia: Undetectable
  • Nitrite: Undetectable
  • Nitrate: Barely registering, certainly less than the first stop above zero.

Possible theories:

  1. The rock was live enough in the curing vats to take care of the minimal die-off and even more minimal living organisms already present in the tank and the cycle really wasn't so much a cycle as a continuance of what was already going on.
  2. The life to water ratio is currently so low as to not provide enough umph to kick off the cycle at all.
  3. There is no cycle, only Zuul.
  4. Something something imagination something involving metaphysics, belief and ridiculousness.

I'll test for a few more days and see if anything more shows up. If the nitrates continue to rise slowly, I'll assume the cycle is kicking slowly and I just need to be careful about adding low-waste-production life for the next few residents. Already part of the plan, so no big deal.

There are some signs of a diatom outbreak. While that's panic time in the freshwater world, my understanding is that live-rock based marine systems almost always go through that as the cycle ramps up. Perhaps undetectable levels just means the cycle is happening at such a low level I can't pick it up? I'll give it more time. Once the diatoms get to be enough to support them, I'll toss in some itty-bitty blue-leg hermits and snails to clean them up.

Picked up the first signs of salinity fluctuation. I'm needing about a 1/4 cup of water on each end of the day to stay level. Without that, it bounces up from 1.025 to about a quarter of the way to 1.026. Target is 1.0255, so that fluctuation should be acceptable for what will most likely be tidepool lifeforms. Basically, things that are used to far greater fluctuations in the wild.

Mrs. NFB's comments: "You look like such a nerd with all your test tubes and chemicals lined up there like that."

Hey, who married the nerd? That's right.


Yesterday was a BITCH. The boss decided to play games with a non-problem that HE declared as a non-problem several months ago. Why? Because the bitchiest field rep we have raised a stink about it. I gave it about half a day, then finally dug out the old email the boss had sent me saying to never waste more time on this nonsense because it could be worked around with one extra click by the user. This is why I save emails forever. Because the boss has the memory of a really badly toked up fly.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

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I'm a kitchen wizard. | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Boobies by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed May 12, 2010 at 01:27:32 PM EST
One oft-quoted statistic is that there are 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages.  Given that there are ~305 million people in the U.S.,  including children and unmarried adults, that translates to a large percentage of sexless marriages.  I've seen figures of ~20% of marriages but that doesn't seem to jive with the 40 million people, since there are ~60 million couples, it seems to be it ought to be around ~33% of married couples. 

Regardless of the actual numbers, the numbers are staggering.   So yeah, married guys being excited about boobies - I can certainly understand that.  Not to say that the women are always the ones who are the "deniers" in marriages, there's good evidence it's at least 50-50 and some that it's possibly more often that the men that are "deniers". 
Get over it.
Probably true. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #3 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:00:37 PM EST
It never ceases to amaze me how many people say it's been $x months since the last time they had redacted or even a redacted. So glad I married me a self-admitted crazy redhead.

As for male/female denial, I think a lot of men get way too wrapped up in their own shit once they have a steady partner and then slowly forget about sex altogether. I've seen it happen to a couple of friends and then suddenly one day they realize they haven't done anything with their partner for ages. Of course, I'm sure that can work the other way too. Safety seems to lead some down the path of feeling a lack of need.

Outside of a brief period where we had a medical situation going on, that's not exactly been a problem for us over the last decade.

[ Parent ]
Medical Issues by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:44:50 PM EST
One thing I think I've never actually posted, is that my wife is not a "denier", she has faced a number of medical issues over her life that have recently moved sex into the realm of unbearably painful.  And since she's not open to [redacted] or [redacted], it's pretty much me and Rosie Palm.

It's probably a bit unfair that I've left that detail out - however I only found about a year ago that it had always been at least mildly uncomfortable for her.

For me, $x months = 8 months, and currently it is looking like that will be the last time evar.  I'm not sure anything can be done about it.  We've been to a few doctors and are going to yet another soon.  So far the answer has pretty much been "welcome to the rest of your life".

I'm sorry, I'm hijacking your diary.  Bad curmudgeon!
Get over it.
[ Parent ]
Hey, you're amongst friends here. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #8 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:53:49 PM EST
Or at least the relatively friendly.

I consider myself extremely lucky. I would get into specifics, but I feel that would just be rubbing salt in the wound.

So long as your wife doesn't hate you looking at her, you have one up on AFKS. Only in his case, it's not pain on her part, it's ridiculous Catholic shame and guilt. But that's not my story to tell.

I can say our medical problem period was one of the worst times in my life, so I can relate to how much it sucks to have a partner who can't.

[ Parent ]
In AFKS's case by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #22 Wed May 12, 2010 at 09:01:56 PM EST

Given what you've said here, I would feel okay with myself for bailing out were I in AFKS's place.   However, I wouldn't feel good about bailing out of my marriage - none of the medical issues have anything to do with any choices she made in life, it's just been a bad roll of the dice for her.   And our relationship is otherwise quite good.  We don't argue, there is no drama, we have similar views of the world. 

I'd feel like an ass to leave over something she has no control over.  Mind you, I now completely understand how medical issues break up marriages, and I don't judge people who do choose to leave an ailing spouse.

Get over it.
[ Parent ]
The worst thing for AFKS by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #29 Thu May 13, 2010 at 09:17:31 AM EST
is his wife's utter assertion that liking sex on any level outside procreation makes him some sort of weird creepy fucker. Once she got reindoctrinated to her religion she seems to have forgotten that she was the one that jumped him in the bushes down by the river.

He's suffering from the worst case of false advertising I've ever seen. From the second the engagement ring hit her finger it was like somebody threw a switch.

It sounds like you've got your head and heart in the right place. Though believe me, I understand how difficult it can be to convince a penis to follow along if it's not getting it's share of attention.

[ Parent ]
poor bastard by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #38 Fri May 14, 2010 at 02:03:13 AM EST
Mind you, if he's grow a spine (again, going by your postings), life could be much better for him.

I admit to suffering from a bit of lack of spine, but I wouldn't suffer that situation very long.

Get over it.
[ Parent ]
You're a man, not a swan. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 2) #13 Wed May 12, 2010 at 05:54:46 PM EST
Go get an amicable divorce and enter a complete relationship before you die.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
`sexless' marriages are not actually sexless by lm (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed May 12, 2010 at 06:31:16 PM EST
I forget the exact statistic but I think the definition used by compilers of statistics is something like once a month or less counts as sexless.

Which, for some, amounts to seeing boobies as often as they want.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
And still by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed May 12, 2010 at 07:12:22 PM EST
that statistic makes no one feel any better.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
[ Parent ]
That could be, but ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed May 12, 2010 at 07:19:44 PM EST
... I suspect that it makes some people feel like having a low sex drive does not make them a freak.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
It's all a matter of perspective by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed May 12, 2010 at 07:52:22 PM EST
You may recall that after LO arrived "once a month" was more a goal than a marker. I'll bet you also remember both four-hour freaky monkey and the following "we have three minutes before it awakes, STRIP AND LET'S GO!". And both were good in their own ways.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Actually by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu May 13, 2010 at 08:39:58 AM EST
There was not much before or was a long distance relationship before marriage.

LO was a deployment baby and after she came - whatever we had was once or twice a year.

I cried - as a woman in my late twenties something was wrong. As it turns out, we can blame the partner on this one.

I get more now  than when I was married. It's a win. Even when I am bummed about a boy - this is still better.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
shit by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #35 Thu May 13, 2010 at 07:30:39 PM EST
I don't feel so bad about once a month.

[ Parent ]
Sexless is defined as less than 10 times a year by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed May 12, 2010 at 07:33:01 PM EST

I think the only people it makes feel better are those who feel they are "pressured" by thier mate for sex more than once a month.

Similarly, the fact that I am amongst 40 million others in similar situations doesn't make me feel one bit better about it.

Get over it.
[ Parent ]
I guess it depends on what you mean by pressured by lm (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed May 12, 2010 at 08:19:53 PM EST
Although, admittedly, I had in mind the people in `sexless' relationships with a low libido (or other reason for not enjoying sex so much) rather than the people in such relationships that would like more sex.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
I suppose by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed May 12, 2010 at 08:47:18 PM EST
I see your point now - in a marrige where both partners have roughly equal (and low) libidos, the "sexless" statistic might make them feel better about themselves, but presumably they are both at least satisfied with the situation anyways. 

I was thinking of people in my situation, where one partner either has no libido and/or is otherwise unable and the other has a "normal" libido.  My wife would be plenty happy if I would just drop the subject and not pressure her to go to doctors to see if it can be remedied, her medical issues (and of course the discomfort) have sent her libido to zero as well.

I have no idea of the distribution of people in sexless marriages who are okay with it vs. those that it is quietly killing inside.
Get over it.
[ Parent ]
My former relationship by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu May 13, 2010 at 08:40:18 AM EST

was like this. He had no libido at all; mine was quite normal.

I dealt with it with other partners, not affairs but occasional sex when it was a necessity or else I'd rip the head off the next person to make a double entendre.

We operated a don't ask, don't tell policy, and although our relationship ended it ended for other reasons. Sex was simply a recreational activity I did with other people, just as he did MMA with his friends and it wasn't my thing.

If that's an option for you it might make you a bit more comfortable with the other aspects of your relationship. Lack of sex was causing me a vast amount of resentment and insecurity; finding it elsewhere made it easier to focus on what was good about the relationship (and again, that it failed was not a problem related to sex but to goals, distance and other stuff that's even more personal).

[ Parent ]
We actually discussed this by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #36 Fri May 14, 2010 at 01:54:44 AM EST
The discussion was, from my point of view, surprising in the civility and matter of factness about it.  In the end she said it would hurt her too much and she viewed it as playing with fire.  I'm not sure she really realizes how much expecting me to be celibate the rest of my life is playing with fire as well.

Get over it.
[ Parent ]
As much as I hate visiting the doctor by purr (2.00 / 0) #31 Thu May 13, 2010 at 10:26:32 AM EST
You might want to talk her into a visit.  After not being able to get pregnant a second time, I went to my OBGYN to have blood test done, first. All kinds of abnormalities popped up with just a simple blood test. Found out it was a miracle I was able to get pregnant the first time and I had several different problems that I had ignored.  Some of which were causing me a sleep disorder. Your wife's low libido might be a symptom of a bigger health issue that needs attention.  Let her know you love her and are worried more about her good health than you are of having sex.  This might help convince her to get it checked out. If it turns out she is perfectly healthy, then just be glad you have someone to share your time with.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
[ Parent ]
We've been to a few by curmudgeon (2.00 / 0) #37 Fri May 14, 2010 at 02:00:47 AM EST
And have another appointment scheduled next week.  So far the answer has been pretty much "welcome to the rest of your life".   I gotta hope somewhere there is a doctor who will be more willing to try different thing.

We know what the medical issues are, it's just a matter of is there anything to be done about them.  Web searches are pretty inconclusive, and those that aren't, are mostly depressing.

Get over it.
[ Parent ]
ooh by purr (2.00 / 0) #39 Fri May 14, 2010 at 07:13:39 AM EST
sorry to hear. Sometimes I really hate doctors. There are only a handful of doctors that I even like and I have met at least a hundred of them.  That is really sad ratio.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
[ Parent ]
How do I become a kitchen wizard? by purr (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed May 12, 2010 at 01:46:15 PM EST
Is there magic involved? And is there anyway you can pass some of that magic my way?

I have so lost my creativity in the kitchen cooking department.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
Not real sure. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:03:50 PM EST
I think my wizardry came about out of necessity. We sorta laid down the law about not eating out during the week a while back, and since then I just kinda grabbed the reigns and decided supper making was my responsibility since I'm leading the healthy charge. So, about once a week I find myself with no real agenda outside of we've got $ingredient, make something edible.

Maybe plan every day but one for your week, and on that last day, see what you have left and whip something up? Tuesdays have kind of become my day to go experimental. Lots of different skillet dishes, several curries, and more than one randomized goodness have been created on Tuesdays lately.

[ Parent ]
I think I am burned out with cooking by purr (2.00 / 0) #9 Wed May 12, 2010 at 04:08:58 PM EST
I rarely ever go out to eat now. I need a muse to inspire me with my cooking.

i wish I had your muse and eagerness in the kitchen.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
[ Parent ]
I'm not sure what happened to me. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #10 Wed May 12, 2010 at 04:45:21 PM EST
I got all weird around February or so, got depressed for a few days about certain issues I was having, then suddenly said to myself, "self, stop sucking."

Lost forty-five pounds since then, cooked most of our meals (except for Mrs. NFB's days off), get up at 4:30 every day to exercise and have pretty much stopped sucking.

Well, mostly.

[ Parent ]
My doctor fixed mine and my hubby's weight problem by purr (2.00 / 0) #11 Wed May 12, 2010 at 05:43:13 PM EST
He mentioned adding Lipitor to my daily regimen and freaked me out. I did a Miley Cyrus impression, "Say WHAT?" Then I asked instead of Lipitor or another medication what else could I do NATURALLY to lower Cholesterol. He said dietary adjustments might help, Low fat dairy, less red meat, less fried foods and add more fish. Done and Done. Now we are ALL losing weight.  My cholesterol level is below the scare-o-meter line. Of course my daughter is complaining about the lack of meat she gets (not a fish fan) but she is healthier for it.  Of course, I cracked up laughing when she asked to replace Turkey for STEAK at Thanksgiving.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
[ Parent ]
The stupid drug crap. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu May 13, 2010 at 09:04:29 AM EST
I'm so tired of the obsession some people have with drugs. Of course, I've been dealing with that since I was a kid since my mother believes there's a pill to cure anything. And if not, there's a surgery.

We've given ourselves very loose guidelines and both of us have been dropping some pounds. Sounds like we're pretty much doing what you're doing, we just arrived there on our own.

[ Parent ]
Surgery and pills, BLAH by purr (2.00 / 0) #30 Thu May 13, 2010 at 10:12:06 AM EST
I am bad about seeing doctors. I can't stand to take pills or have labs done or anything else medicine doctor related.  I do the bare minimum now.
Life is good when you are young. Then it sucks when you are old. And then you die. Live it while you got it.
[ Parent ]
Me too. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #32 Thu May 13, 2010 at 10:27:50 AM EST
I'm still rebelling.

[ Parent ]
personally by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:10:29 PM EST
I experience a certain spiritual awe every time I take a woman's bra off (boobies!!). It hasn't faded with age.

I think it's one of the nicer aspects of being a dude - that just seeing some boobies can make your week. Life should be so simple...

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

Oh sure. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed May 12, 2010 at 02:42:38 PM EST
I'm not saying I dislike boobies. Certainly not. But I got past the giggling idiocy in public over them quite some time ago. I do, however, retain the right to be a giggling idiot in private.

[ Parent ]
Funny you should say this by littlestar (4.00 / 2) #12 Wed May 12, 2010 at 05:43:55 PM EST
I was just commenting to CBB yesterday (as he greedily watched my boobs (specifically) while I changed in the living room) that it surprised me that he had not yet gotten tired of ogling my boobs. That is, I can understand ogling new and different boobs for the rest of your life but not getting tired of ogling the SAME boobs you know, that's wild. (I'm happy this is the case of course) I wondered aloud if he would still be so delighted at ogling these boobs when they are less then attractive when I'm old and droopy - he felt he would as they are attached to me (which is a sweet thing to say of course and we'll see if it's the case when we get there). Anyway, it seems to me that with men's need to ogle (which they have) the boob is such an easy place to fulfil the need to watch something jiggle. As CBB and I agreed, it's not that men get tired of looking at the boob it's just they get better at hiding it and making such a big deal about. 

So, really my point is for those boys in their 30s going on about boobs, no they are not lame for being excited to see some random ladies boobs, but they are weenies for making such a big deal about it (like was it Pamela Anderson or something?) that does indeed, seem very juvenile.


[ Parent ]
i had expected by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed May 12, 2010 at 07:44:52 PM EST
a certain amount of awe to fade after they became nutritional instead of recreational, but i think the awe just increased the day my milk came in...of course, i was rather impressed myself. that said, i'm glad the worst of it went away, there's no way i could lug those around for long...
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
How by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu May 13, 2010 at 08:43:29 AM EST
do you find so many women who'll let you wear their bras?

I'll get my coat.

[ Parent ]
as beavis and butthead once said by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #33 Thu May 13, 2010 at 01:27:00 PM EST
if I had boobies, I'd never leave the house.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
Correct Response: by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #34 Thu May 13, 2010 at 01:34:09 PM EST
I'd leave the house, so I could buy a mirror to look at my boobs.

I hope that some day, some way, they get the rights to release those shows with the video clips in them. Those always had the best one liners.

[ Parent ]
Boobies! by LinDze (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu May 13, 2010 at 03:16:44 AM EST
I'm still amazed every time. I do get the public private distinction. Doesnt mean I can always resist when in public...

-Lin Dze
Arbeit Macht Frei
I'd say by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu May 13, 2010 at 09:07:06 AM EST
giggle at the time if it's a public viewing, sure. Shut up about it after. Save the bpeg (trademark Barney Stinson) and let it be done.

[ Parent ]
I'm a kitchen wizard. | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback