Print Story A Day in the Life -- Pow! BAM! Kerr-ACK!
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By ReallyEvilCanine (Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 10:44:09 AM EST) sponsorship (all tags)
Hooray! We're not just on airplanes and bicycles, we're now in a film!

Dusting this one off -- I started writing it some time ago and saved it during a reboot but it's still relevant.

Poll: soda
x-posted to da brog.



IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL EMPLOYEES: $MegaCorp has limited permission to use select trademarks, images, and characters. WE MAY NOT repurpose these assets in any way or create separate materials using said trademarks, images, or characters. © 2010 ABCDEFG. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. TM & © 1942-2010. We will sue your ass.
That's right, $MegaCorp has spent millions of dollars to ensure that our fucking logo appears for at least 1½ seconds somewhere in a fucking superhero film. And not just any superhero film but a fucking sequel which is already expected to go straight to DVD. Because the super-influential PFYs who might watch this steaming pile of crap could just possibly notice our logo during its two-second appearance and therefore feel compelled to ensure their companies spend $80M/year on our products.

It could haaaaaaaaaappen. </judy_tenuta&gt

Or the entire fucking rest of us could maybe have a goddamned COLA raise. We're not even looking for something like the board gave themselves (about three billion-with-a-B), just enough to be able to cover the fucking cost of this year's rent and fuel increases.

We sponsor the shittiest plane in the world. It has our logo on it. The cost of our logo (which is smaller than even the most timid tagger would make) could give every employee a $10K raise. The plane is so shit that it makes a crashed Tupolev look like a fucking museum piece P-51 Mustang. The pilot flies better when he's drunk (although so do I but don't tell the FAA because I'd hate to lose my ticket).

We sponsor some fucking bicycle-rider. Never mind that this isn't a sport so much as a commuter activity for most of $MegaCorp's employees, those In The Know feel it necessary to pay for a finger-sized logo on some twat's two-wheeler. A twat who'd never survive working for just one hour as a courier in NYC or San Fran. A cuntnuzzle who has quite publicly fallen over while competing, an action our wares really shouldn't be associated with.

We also sponsor some car. In exchange for sporting our logo over the right fender on a sticker so small a single square of toilet paper could cover it and most of the candy bar logo which rides above it, $MegaCorp spends more on this than a $20K/employee raise would cost.

Like the airplane, the car hasn't won a single fucking race ever. Which is why we need to spend more money this year to sponsor it. Because the seven people in the world who give a shit about watching useless hippies driving weird cars in circles around abandoned tracks for 32 hours at a stretch might get a glimpse of our logo and feel compelled to spend $200 million of their company's money on our products.

Instead of paying their own employees enough to pay their own fucking bills. Just like $MegaCorp.

< Nook Update, | Plunk your magic Twanger! >
A Day in the Life -- Pow! BAM! Kerr-ACK! | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
At least my megacorp sponsors cool things by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 10:49:30 AM EST
like a Ducati.


Seen this ? by Phage (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 10:58:39 AM EST
No I hadn't by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:03:09 AM EST
I dropped my Cycle World sub a year or so back.

It's nice, but unrealistic for now, I just want my 400 to start (hopefully this weekend).


[ Parent ]
Aye. by Phage (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:04:40 AM EST
Beyond my means too. But you started with the Ducati thing, and my imagination was off like a startled peeping tom.

[ Parent ]
I think I'll daydream about finding it by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #9 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:09:48 AM EST
in a few years at a corporate surplus sales.

Chairs from the 1960's, file cabinets without keys, a Pentium II, ooh, a Ducati.


[ Parent ]
400? by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:13:45 AM EST
As a vibrator, maybe, unless it has 18 gears. My first bike was a 400. It wasn't three months before I bought a 700 and never anything smaller again.

I'm not a size queen, just a speed demon who was once clocked at 168mph on I-71 (and had to find a lawyer more expensive than the fine in order to be allowed to drive for the next two years).

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
The price was hard to beat by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:17:44 AM EST
and I do have a 550 in the garage to work on.

But, if you want to ship me a bike, or a babysitter/chauffeur/cook so I have time to get the 550 running, I won't say no.


[ Parent ]
O Rly ? by Phage (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue May 04, 2010 at 08:20:02 AM EST
Speed > Pretty by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue May 04, 2010 at 11:55:53 AM EST
168mph on a partially neglected American highway. Would you risk that at 9700rpm?

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Been there done that by Phage (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue May 04, 2010 at 12:42:29 PM EST
ZX9R on the Old Pacfic Hwy.
Heh. Fond memories.
I used to on first name terms with the local Highway Patrol...

[ Parent ]
Gah - where's the 'edit' button ? [nt] by Phage (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue May 04, 2010 at 12:43:17 PM EST


[ Parent ]
You could ask Rusty by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #19 Tue May 04, 2010 at 07:54:17 PM EST
But apparently he's busy brewing alcoholic beverages if FB stati are to be believed.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Unfortunately by Phage (2.00 / 0) #21 Thu May 06, 2010 at 11:13:27 AM EST
I don't move in such lofty circles.

[ Parent ]
WIPO by Phage (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 10:57:55 AM EST
Dandelion and Burdock.

I had 'weird UKian flower combinations" by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:01:57 AM EST
But then I decided to limit it to US drinks so that I didn't have to add IRN-BRU and LOO-cozade (which is how it should be spelled since it tastes like piss).

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
wipo by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:00:14 AM EST
Lashings of ginger ale.


Selling To Business by jump the ladder (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 11:06:44 AM EST
Easy, sponsor a free conference in the Bahamas for the group that makes the purchasing decision with complimentary hookers.

quite publicly fallen over while competing by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #12 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 12:18:48 PM EST
an action our wares really shouldn't be associated with.
Judging from your support calls, however, they probably are.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

meta-WIPO ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 12:47:06 PM EST
pop.

Well by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 04:36:48 PM EST
The one advantage to working for a company that makes movies is that they don't spend much on product placement.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
Sponor by duxup (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed May 05, 2010 at 12:03:07 PM EST
We sponsor some idiot trying to row a boat across a large body of water.   It probably is still impressive but the fact that the rower makes their way to an island, and then sits there for MONTHS at a time and then takes off again after sunning them self makes it seem less impressive and more like a scam. 

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A Day in the Life -- Pow! BAM! Kerr-ACK! | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback