Print Story A Day in the Life -- Myself Wants to Help You
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By ReallyEvilCanine (Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 08:24:02 AM EST) English motherfucker; Do you speak it? (all tags)
Myself Wants to Help You

I'm clenching my teeth together like a meth head with late-stage tetanus.

Poll: pretzels
x-posted to da brog.



"I" is a subject pronoun.
     I went to the store.
     Joe and I work in the same building.
     Signing documents is something I hate to do.
     I am called ReallyEvilCanine.

"Me" is an object pronoun.
     The person who went to the store was me.
     Julie asked Joe and me the same question.
     She gave me the documents to Sign.
     The person using the nickname "ReallyEvilCanine" is really me.

"Myself" is a reflexive pronoun. That means it reflects back to a previously used or implied pronoun in the same sentence. It does not and cannot stand alone in English. "Myself" can only appear in a sentence where the subject/object pronoun has already been used:
     I went to the store myself. (because someone else I'd asked to do so didn't)
     I myself don't care for black pudding.
        OR
     I don't care for black pudding myself.

"Myself" is not a subject:
     Myself went to the store.

"Myself" is not an object:
     She gave myself the documents to sign.

Stop it already! You sound like a pretentious twat when you say or write "myself" instead of "I" or "me". Like in that mail I just got which opens with "Hi Glynda and REC, $BigManager has asked REC and myself to hold $AreaSpecialty conference calls with yourself.

Abusing the reflexive form like this makes you look like a fuckwit trying to impress people with your incredible literacy skills when you are, in fact, demonstrating just how fucking incompetent you are when it comes to basic language usage in the muvver tongue. You display your desperation for the esteem you think you'll earn by using more profligate oratory, you cuntnuzzle.

In other news, I am proud to announce that no matter which major site you use, a search for "fuckwit" and "cuntnuzzle" returns only my blog, but I'm also gutted that I no longer own the phrase "Citrix sucks" (although you can find me with "citrix sucks ass").

< Woo Hoo!!!! | Come on, pilgrim, you know He loves you. >
A Day in the Life -- Myself Wants to Help You | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Citrix sucks? by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 3) #1 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 09:33:34 AM EST
It's much easier just to call it Shitrix.  That's what myself does.

I too. by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #2 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 09:40:44 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Shitrix, huh? by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 10:18:16 AM EST
I think I've seen that somewhere before...

I don't own that one anymore, either. And now I wait to see how fast every HuSian can respond calling me a 17.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Dear Sir by Phil the Canuck (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 11:21:07 AM EST
I have been calling it Shitrix since before the turn of the century.

[ Parent ]
Who hasn't? by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 11:42:24 AM EST
en tea

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
WIPO by brokkr (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 09:44:17 AM EST
Käselaugenbrötchen.
--
Deyr fé, deyja frændr, deyr sjalfr it sama,
ek veit einn, at aldrei deyr: dómr um dau∂an hvern.

You trying to steal ti_'s schtick? by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 10:13:46 AM EST
We have Käsebrezen and Käsestangen, the latter being some sort of non-Lauge bread roll thing. Outside of Bavaria the Brezen are fucking inedible. Over one state in Bad-Würrtemburg they call 'em Brezeln but they're so dry, powdery, light and disgusting that in comparison a saltine compares favourably to a 12-week aged, heavily marbled Porterhouse steak. Smothered in Béarnaise. Eaten underwater.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
I won't buy brez'n in the proper form by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 02:52:59 PM EST
unless I can give 'em a good squeeze beforehand.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
I have no idea about Bavaria, by brokkr (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 10:12:51 AM EST
but down on the corner they sell Laugenbrötchen which are small cylindrical buns put pairwise next to each other and baked with a lot of cheese on top. It's super* for lunch.

[*] Unless you're trying not to gain weight.
--
Deyr fé, deyja frændr, deyr sjalfr it sama,
ek veit einn, at aldrei deyr: dómr um dau∂an hvern.

[ Parent ]
You forgot a case: by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 09:45:26 AM EST
Myself, I think this is pretentious as fuck anyway.

Though it is still legit, as it refers to I.

AFKS has taken to using myself as the primary noun in sentences since finishing his college career. That and trying to find whatever the largest, longest possible word is for any given situation. He thinks it makes him appear sophisticated, when really it makes him appear to be an idiot. Even dad asked me, "why's he using all those big words?" Then went on to say he doesn't seem to have a real good grasp on any of them.

I've chatted with him about it, but he's onto the, "yourself is just jealous of my collegiate educational endeavors."

I need to line up another concert trip for us. He could use a few more elbows to the face.



Remind AFKS that by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 10:50:14 AM EST
profanity is the inevitable linguistic crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
That was bugging me all day and now I know why by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 09:06:19 AM EST
Myself, I think this is pretentious as fuck anyway.

The sentence structure in this case is such that there are implied words in the initial parenthetical phrase: "As for", requiring the accusative/dative "me". You could torture it some more and get a genitive "As for my opinion".

It's only after translating it into other languages that the error becomes clear.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
English is filled with that kinda crap. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 09:19:56 AM EST
Implied words. My favorites are the implied "you"s. "Break that down!" Implied "you" as subject. I still remember fighting with a teacher over that in grade school.

[ Parent ]
"Fuck you" by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 01:53:27 PM EST
It's an imperative missing the subject "I" at the beginning which goes a long way to explaining why it's considered such a harsh expletive.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Hey by duxup (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 10:08:13 AM EST
Hey at least they have punctuation in there.

We had a customer who demanded we sign some BS agreement he put together to get access to his equipment.  Dude's agreement had several sentence fragments that were so bad I couldn't even be sure what he thought we were agreeing to.

____
maybe you missed your calling by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 10:17:20 AM EST
If my elementary school english lessons had been delivered like that, we would have paid a lot more attention.

It's a good job by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 11:14:01 AM EST

that the little baby Jesus wrote all those rules of grammar down in a big book so we'd all know the correct way of doing things. Imagine the chaos if he hadn't!


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Mother tongue? by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 01:30:15 PM EST
I thought you worked with Germanicals.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
I do by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 01:35:13 PM EST
The mail came from Ingerlandia, from a guy whose name may be Pakistani but whose accent isn't even half a step up from Cockney, roight. He the remaining member of the original Triple Threat and his progress through the years is less like wine and more like Alzheimer's.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
OED says that you're wrong by lm (4.00 / 1) #16 Tue Apr 13, 2010 at 05:59:53 PM EST
3. Used instead of the subjective pronoun I.
a. As simple subject. (``My selfe hath often heard them say ...'')
b. As part of a compound subject or predicate, and after than or as. Also (chiefly Irish English) as simple predicate. (``One of our party and myself started on an expedition.'')



There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
The OED is a dictionary, not a grammar source by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 06:45:22 AM EST
The OED provides definitions, even obscure ones, such as the Shakespearean "happy"-as-a-verb in place of "to make or cause to be happy".

"Used instead of" -- yes, it substitutes for the subject/object for more clarity and as a result of our language's Germanic roots. All Germanic languages (incl. the entire Scandinavian branch) still do this today.

"My selfe" is a completely different construct and the spelling belies its archaic source.

As for simple predicate, that's "chiefly Irish English" and for the same reasons Irish rarely answer with a simple "Yes" or "No" but rather use Irish grammar to repeat the verb in a negative form (just like Japanese). The bleed into English stems from the co-existence of (chiefly) Irish, English and US-Americans. And more recently, management-speak which has users who think they sound more smarterer and can prove their intelligentiahood by using more syllables.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
dictionaries are descriptive, not prescriptive by lm (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 08:17:16 AM EST
It is true that the OED is not a style guide that prescribes how words ought to be used but rather a description of how words are used. English, unlike some languages, has no formal lexicon and grammar dictated by the state. Rather, it is use that determines the properness of a construct (whether lexical or grammatical).

But, the Chicago Manual of Style agrees with the OED. Compound personal pronouns can be used for three purposes: for emphasis (intensive use), to refer to the subject of the verb (reflexive use), and to substitute for a simple personal pronoun [my emphasis]. They do note that (3) is declining in use and that it is preferable to use a simple pronoun.

So, suck it. You're still wrong.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
I don't live in Chicago and neither do you by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #22 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 01:47:20 PM EST
How far do you really want to take this? I didn't bother pointing out your error of omission with the OED concerning the "[my] self" construction and its explanation of "jocular or colloquia", nor did I hammer you with Fowler, Little, Brown, nor even the EGEG.

If you want to kick it up a couple of notches, Fowler calls the use of "myself" without a preceding "I" to reflect upon "poetical only".

Little, Brown states that "reflexive pronouns indicate that the sentence subject also receives the action of the verb."

This can also be clearly demonstrated in German, Swedish, Icelandic and even the vastly simplified Norwegian.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
I loves me a good grammer slap-fight. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Apr 14, 2010 at 04:45:59 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by lm (2.00 / 0) #25 Sat Apr 17, 2010 at 09:42:37 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by lm



[ Parent ]
You also don't live in Britain by lm (2.00 / 0) #26 Sat Apr 17, 2010 at 09:46:07 AM EST
That is neither here nor there. Bringing up that I don't live in Chicago is not relevant as the Chicago Manual of Style was not written for exclusive use by  the people of Chicago.

The older Fowlers (Dictionary of English Usage, The King's English) were prescriptivists of the worst sort. I'm not going to defer to the usage of men who say that any word of Romance origin ought to be rejected for its Anglo Saxon equivalent.

Also, you're barking up the wrong tree with allegations of my alleged omissions from the OED. The `omission' you point out come from the definition of `self' when used as a substitute for `myself.' It does not apply to the definition of `myself' at all.

Third, as for the contemporary Fowler and The Little, Brown Handbook, your quote reflects usage pertaining to reflexive use of `myself' and has no bearing on  the different uses for the same. I would not argue that `myself' when used reflexively does not require a subject that it reflects. Nor would I argue that when used intensively, it does not require another noun or pronoun to intensify. The question at hand isn't how `myself' is properly used in these ways but whether those are the only ways which it can be used.

Lastly, comparisons to other languages of German origin don't really matter in the present context. In many ways English is closer to Romance languages than it is German. It does retain many Germanic aspects but the vocabulary and usage are at least as influenced by French as German.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life -- Myself Wants to Help You | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback