I say that not by way of comparison but by way of conversation, to properly frame the way I have dropped so completely off the radar of this site and most of my email and the ways in which I don't deserve to even come back are littered in status updates on facebook, a site that I swear to you I never intended to participate in for reasons that should be obvious: I use words like some folks use drugs.
But I gave up the drugs. I've been earning that ridiculous paycheck, see. If I look at it hourly or psychically, I'm earning so little I should walk.
Loose ends, then: I'm 38 now. I sold my car. My nephew did not run off to Seattle though he should have, but he did find a job, but he's about to be laid off. My father moved to Virginia to live with my grandparents, and my grandmother is in a physical rehab hospital because her muscles had wasted so badly that she could no longer walk. My father tries his best to deal with that and snow and the redneck conundrum. My wife is still unemployed; being a PhD means little to employers who look for PhDs. I am at work right now because I am always at work even when I am not here. Had a disk fail like so many have in this building. Am working. All is well. Send blood.
My taxes are done. My dogs are OK, though Pico throws up all the time. My music is suffering but I have recorded some crap recently that will see the light of day because I'm losing my ego about that shit and I just want to throw it out there fuck the response. I jog now five mornings a week three miles a stretch. I shaved my face clean for the first time in five years.
I'm moving, slowly. I keep dropping those hints, maybe we should move to northern New Mexico, or Boston or Portland or anywhere but here.
I'm going to write more. I promise. If I make it a routine, it will happen.
In the meantime, know that I love you. The world turns and we grow goddamn old and yet here we are, and though "we" seems cobweb tenuous to me at times "we" are, still, and that's all I need some days.
|< TRACKING RACE: We have a winner. | One-Twenty >|