Print Story Well what the hell?
Diary
By technician (Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 08:58:35 PM EST) (all tags)
I mean, I used to commit things to the world.


The largest part of it is my career, I suppose, and the fact that I am alarmingly well paid for what I do and who I am. That's not a way of saying "I'm paid well for a non-degree holding college dropout who did drugs 'til 45 days before the new job." No, I get paid like I used to think my stepfather did: a lot.

I say that not by way of comparison but by way of conversation, to properly frame the way I have dropped so completely off the radar of this site and most of my email and the ways in which I don't deserve to even come back are littered in status updates on facebook, a site that I swear to you I never intended to participate in for reasons that should be obvious: I use words like some folks use drugs.

But I gave up the drugs. I've been earning that ridiculous paycheck, see. If I look at it hourly or psychically, I'm earning so little I should walk.

Loose ends, then: I'm 38 now. I sold my car. My nephew did not run off to Seattle though he should have, but he did find a job, but he's about to be laid off. My father moved to Virginia to live with my grandparents, and my grandmother is in a physical rehab hospital because her muscles had wasted so badly that she could no longer walk. My father tries his best to deal with that and snow and the redneck conundrum. My wife is still unemployed; being a PhD means little to employers who look for PhDs. I am at work right now because I am always at work even when I am not here. Had a disk fail like so many have in this building. Am working. All is well. Send blood.

My taxes are done. My dogs are OK, though Pico throws up all the time. My music is suffering but I have recorded some crap recently that will see the light of day because I'm losing my ego about that shit and I just want to throw it out there fuck the response. I jog now five mornings a week three miles a stretch. I shaved my face clean for the first time in five years.

I'm moving, slowly. I keep dropping those hints, maybe we should move to northern New Mexico, or Boston or Portland or anywhere but here.

[REDACTED]

I'm going to write more. I promise. If I make it a routine, it will happen.

In the meantime, know that I love you. The world turns and we grow goddamn old and yet here we are, and though "we" seems cobweb tenuous to me at times "we" are, still, and that's all I need some days.

< TRACKING RACE: We have a winner. | One-Twenty >
Well what the hell? | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
To quote myself from a year or so after... by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 09:13:48 PM EST
...I started graduate school:
I have forgotten how to drink and spit words

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

xkcd made me think of you by infinitera (4.00 / 2) #2 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 09:17:59 PM EST
http://xkcd.com/705/

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

pls note: by johnny (4.00 / 2) #3 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 09:20:02 PM EST
I love you too, man.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
I've missed you here. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 09:22:54 PM EST
And I'd love to read more from you. I've been trying to post a story a week. I can't really write about my day-to-day life here. It's too public. Too many people in my real life know about my identity, and my role at work is becoming more high profile. There's too much to risk, you know? But I miss writing. So I tell stories from my past, and I just hope I don't run out any time soon -- at least not before I start living stories I can write about again.
--
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
been meaning to send you things. by clock (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 09:52:23 PM EST
but stuff has happened.  it's early and the project is in its most delicate stage.  you need to drive your new car this direction soon.  just sayin'.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

I also by Kellnerin (4.00 / 2) #6 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 10:05:05 PM EST
miss your words. You ever need words, let me know. I have more than I can wrangle, some of them even connected to each other, and I know you can make them sing.

(Here is a fact: I write better when I'm reading you.)

Let's keep the spider silk spinning, between me and you and you and you.

--
"Plans aren't check lists, they are loose frameworks for what's going to go wrong." -- technician

You know... by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 10:37:42 PM EST
The Bay Area has markets for both PhDs and technical folks...
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
ditto Boston! by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Feb 24, 2010 at 10:51:47 PM EST
I think we have more universities.

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
Also DC by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 08:14:12 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I could get employed in DC pretty quick-like. by technician (4.00 / 1) #18 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:26:27 PM EST
And it is on the short list, but I'd want to be somewhere in town. Expensive proposal....

[ Parent ]
i support many people at undisclosed locations.. by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #19 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:34:43 PM EST
With undisclosable log files, vaguely in the DC area.

There's a whole lot of datacenters.

It sucks (for me, probably not for you).

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
In DC? by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #20 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:39:32 PM EST
Or just "in town"? Reston is close to quite a few locations where you could find work, and not too pricey. Likewise Bethesda (though it is pricey).

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
WTF? You're the oldest 38 y.o. I know. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:04:30 AM EST
I believe you could take over Portland and run that shit like your own fiefdom. Just DO IT

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

The Redneck Conundrum by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #11 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 08:14:49 AM EST
wbagnfarb.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

I'll write about that soon. by technician (2.00 / 0) #12 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 09:24:14 AM EST
It's what we do!

[ Parent ]
You should by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 09:56:58 AM EST
collaborate with clock on the album.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
not to be a jack off by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 11:16:00 AM EST
but what color is the sky in your world ?

ie: how will moving address your problems ? Is the real problem the job situation for you and laurea ? Your writing is full of what appears to be introspection, but the idea that just by moving it'll all be sunshine and roses betrays you..

His PHd wife cant' find a job there. by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #15 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 12:37:54 PM EST
Sounds like he doesn't have much, if any, family there. Also sounds like he's in a bit of a dead end job.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Exactly! by technician (4.00 / 2) #17 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:25:01 PM EST


[ Parent ]
Nothing about what I said by technician (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Feb 25, 2010 at 01:24:31 PM EST
should imply that moving will solve everything. But it would probably be a heck of a lot easier for my wife to find a job somewhere else, etc.

[ Parent ]
Well what the hell? | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback