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By clock (Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 09:45:49 PM EST) (all tags)

So, you know how sometimes you are in a situation and you think to yourself afterward, "If only I had said..."? Well today, that was not me. I brought my A game.

I was sitting in whorebucks mixing a track and sipping bad coffee. There was a gaggle of 19-ish chickeez in college-esque garb. Given my location, I'd guess they were ditching their classes or just taking up space. They were loud and i didn't care.

As i got up to leave, the lead annoying chick looked at me. She was bottle blonde, wearing flip-flops (of course) and jeans shorts that might have fit her when she was a sophomore in high school...many, many late night pizzas and beers ago.

Her: (Completely out of nowhere) "That shirt really doesn't work for you."

(My shirt? Standard issue grey button down dress shirt for client site visits.)

Her friends giggle.

Me: "Thanks for the fashion advice, princess. Next time, leave the shower shoes at home. And drop a good twenty pounds before you try to pour your ass into those shorts again."

Stone silence as I finish shouldering my bag and hit the door.

< logistics and other stories | tomatoes everywhere >

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on humor | 30 comments (30 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

thank you by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 7) #1 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 09:50:16 PM EST

for saying what i have always wanted to, but never got the courage to.
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake

I'd like to seven this... /nt by yankeehack (4.00 / 13) #2 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 11:03:53 PM EST

..................
"But if it isn't working for you then get the hell out and go find yourself some joy." -aphrael

Maybe she was hitting on you. by dark nowhere (4.00 / 7) #3 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 11:06:42 PM EST

I think that's the age where the hair-pulling etc. has evolved into insults. It's been a while since I was 19 though, so I could be way off.

Protein Pills: Taken.
Helmet: On.

hirez proof or it didn't happen. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #4 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 11:37:58 PM EST

It was an unholy union of text and pulped wood that the Ancients used to distribute their blogs.

She'll probably become anorexic by Herring

(4.00 / 13) #5 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 03:39:24 AM EST

and start self-harming now. And it'll be your fault. Don't you know that the young can never be criticized or admonished anymore in case they develop self-esteem issues.

: Nancy Grace by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:24:50 AM EST

Is going to have a field day with this one.

[ Parent ]

Nice by MrMole (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 03:55:55 AM EST

and it didnt result in hair pulling.

[stands up and applauds] by xth (4.00 / 5) #7 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 04:38:34 AM EST

[Splitting comments into subject and body is soooo 1994]

*round of applause* by Breaker (4.00 / 5) #8 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 04:51:53 AM EST

NT

what a confrontational place by TPD

(4.00 / 5) #9 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 05:31:51 AM EST

this "AMERICA" place seems to be....

Rock Hard Abs are just a sw-sw-swivel away!

: An armed society is a polite society [n/t] by Herring (4.00 / 10) #12 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 06:52:23 AM EST

[ Parent ]

*whistles and applauds* by sugar spun (4.00 / 10) #10 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 05:43:32 AM EST

Of course, the second the door closed behind you they all started telling her how completely unacceptable it was for you to dare comment on her clothing. And the flying shards of irony will have missed them entirely.

If only you had said by BadDoggie

(4.00 / 6) #11 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 06:48:01 AM EST

on humour

And if only you had posted this outside the Hole so we could V-this-muthafuckin'-S2-da-muddafuckin'FP

woof.

OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

Indeed by kwsNI (4.00 / 2) #13 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 07:38:26 AM EST

I think clock should reconsider, this is FP material if there was any.

[ Parent ]

: done by clock (4.00 / 1) #27 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 06:13:15 PM EST

n/t

_{I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin}

[ Parent ]

Awesome. by wiredog

(4.00 / 2) #14 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 07:42:54 AM EST

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

Like OMG! That was you?! by me0w

(4.00 / 14) #15 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:04:38 AM EST

"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

Ouch by duxup (4.00 / 2) #17 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:48:25 AM EST

n/t

____

your whorebucks is a wacky place by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #18 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:51:42 AM EST

When my friend Paul G. by johnny (4.00 / 6) #19 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:54:29 AM EST

was sworn in as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Senegal, the Peace Corps country director, who lived very nicely indeed in the capital city of Dakar and never made it out to the countryside, told the guys who were assigned to the rural development program (the one I was in), "Remember, you represent the United States of America. So when you go to see the prefect, don't wear those damn flip-flop things you wear in the shower."

Paul was assigned to a village in the Senegal River valley about 50 miles from where I was stationed. The temperature there was about 110F on a typical summer day. So of course everybody wears sandals or flip flops.

So the occasion comes when Paul has to go see the Prefect (the equivalent of a US Governor, more or less). He gets dressed up in his finest clothes, including exceedingly hot boots and socks.

"So I got into his office," Paul says, "And the guy's wearing flip-flops. He looks at my feet and asks me if I'm out of my mind."

So that was in 1975, and ever since then I can't mention flip-flops without saying "when you go to see the prefect, don't wear those damn flip-flop things you wear in the shower." This tick used to drive my wife nuts, but she's gotten used to it.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

I like a man of principles. by xth (4.00 / 3) #20 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 08:58:13 AM EST

This tick used to drive my wife nuts, but she's gotten used to it.
That's the spirit. Put up or shut up.

[Splitting comments into subject and body is soooo 1994]

[ Parent ]

The answer is simple by ad hoc

(4.00 / 4) #21 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 10:30:26 AM EST

Don't wear shower slippers. Wear dressy flip-flops.
--
[ Parent ]

: I don't look good by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #23 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 12:26:23 PM EST

in high heels

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]

No other choice? by wumpus (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 07:45:58 PM EST

Since the footwear of choice was flipflops or sandals, couldn't he choose sandals? Whether or not you are going to worship the ground Jesus walked on (I've heard Jews say weird things about seeing Christians in Israel), you could at least make the same type of footprint.

Wumpus

[ Parent ]

I know I'm late to this party, but by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #22 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 11:26:48 AM EST

I love you and want to have your children. You are the awesomest Starbucks customer EVAR!

Whoa, was the Matix reset by georgeha (4.00 / 4) #24 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 01:27:23 PM EST

or is this just too good to let disappear?

: just pandering to the fans, yo... by clock (4.00 / 3) #25 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 02:16:13 PM EST

n/t

_{I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin}

[ Parent ]

I love this thread by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 3) #26 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 05:42:53 PM EST

so much.

"Boobies are for every day of the week." - anonimouse

did you get her digits. by dev trash (4.00 / 2) #29 Thu Sep 17, 2009 at 09:25:18 PM EST

Cuz I wanna call her and ask her how it was to be schooled.

--
Click

Love it! by littlestar (4.00 / 2) #30 Sun Sep 27, 2009 at 10:28:18 AM EST

Wish I had been there to spit out my tea in convulsions of laughter.

*twinkle*twinkle*

on humor | 30 comments (30 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback