Print Story Is It Me Or You Who Smells?
Diary
By CheeseburgerBrown (Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:15:58 AM EST) (all tags)
A somewhat less heavily redacted diary.


Our Mission Statement

The moon is just a sidewise smile or an anime wink in the sky. God's watermelon. I see at in the small hours of the morning when I let out the dog and stand buck on the porch, waiting for her to pee. I can see Jupiter setting, just now touching the tips of the treetops. The dog snarfs around at something. I call her in. She takes her time, collar jingling in the dark. Bitch.


Our Guarantee To You

I'm troubled by my daughter. She is experimenting with drama, and has become prodigiously quick to invoke whimpers and crocodile tears all of a sudden when presented with a situation or question she'd prefer to dodge. She will, if pressed, bring herself near to hyperventilating while insisting woefully that she has no power over her feelings.

I've been gentle and patient, attempting to guide her through meditations and deep breathing, and I've also, at different times, been sharp and made it clear I'll tolerate no such snivelling nonsense. Both approaches seem equally feckless.

The worst aspects of this behaviour are amplified when she is behind on rest, which seems to be a normal state of affairs these days -- her ability to self-calm at bedtime is poor, and she resists outside attempts to reshape her routines. Often, she is still awake in her bed when I come up to sleep. She wants to talk about dinosaurs or faeries or David Tennant, and she wants to do so at a mile a minute with the words spilling over one another in a mad rush.

If I were more American, I'd find somebody to sue about it. You know, somebody really culpable. Like a music genre, or an angel.

She tearfully confessed to me the other week that she felt that she was "nothing" because her friends at camp could read better than she could and they had their own MP3 players. I assured her that we would make great strides in reading this year, to which she replied that her main priority was to have the MP3 player issue addressed.

Is she developing severe emotional problems, or am I just being played?

Girls, man. Girls.


Service Priorities & Returns Policy

Littlestar is, amongst her other duties and diversions, back at school picking up two additional undergrad courses before starting a new masters programme next year with a bend toward becoming an adolescent psychology and family therapy ninja. The courses, offered via Intertubes from Athabasca University, include in their respective packages all materials and textbooks required for completion. All the student is expected to bring is their brains, their time and their diligence.

Seeing how easy it all is (easy as in "straight-forward" not easy as in achievable without effort), I also want to get in on the game. Having always regretted abandoning my degree programme some fifteen years ago, I want to undertake a little reschooling of my own once Littlestar has cleared the system and the tuition debts are paid off.

This is exciting to me in a way that a university education was not the first time around, when my principal concerns were becoming financially independent of my parents and establishing a career. This time it could be all about the learning, instead of being largely about finding enough to eat and getting laid.

I have no interest in continuing toward an MFA, however. While my projected major remains up in the air, it will definitely be something in the sciences. (I've had it up to here with the humanities. Oh, the humanities!)

After that, I will probably become an evil scientist and enslave all mankind under the threat of my unimaginably horrible doomsday devices. Tremble, neurotypicals! Your devotion to episodic television dramas and autotune can't save you now!


Our Unique Value Proposition

The office bought me an iPhone, and pays all the bills for me. This is nifty beyond expression. Probably if I weren't already deeply in love with Littlestar I would marry my iPhone, and our babies would be little cyborgs with camcorders built into the wrong side of their heads who need to eat constantly or they fall into a coma.


Rights & Indemnities

I've got a brand new hat.


< What a difference a year makes | Lulz >
Is It Me Or You Who Smells? | 38 comments (38 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
you're being played by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:27:45 AM EST
On the plus side, you do have Littlestar and an iPhone.

My iPod Touch is also very nifty. Since I'm never too far from wifi (home, work, panera), and I get all the multi-touch internets I could want. Like reading the NYT in the WC.

But I admit a paid-for device/plan would be niftier.

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

The Touch Hath Touched Me, Too by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:41:07 AM EST
I'd been using Littlestar's ex-Touch for 8 months (8 GB, 1st generation), and enjoying it very much. It was the MessagePad 2000 the Newton never had the nads to be.

I had been jealous of Littlestar's iPhone (8 GB, 3G, no data plan) because it added speakers, a pocket-sized camera and a better processor to the mix. Now, however, with the zippy-fast 3GS I find using a prior generation iProduct to be way too taxing on the patience. Basic things like surfing the Web over Wifi are so much smoother and more responsive, which has already caused me to move a significant portion of my daily computing life onto the phone and away from my laptop.

Also, the joy of the data plan has made me determined to find a way to pay for a data plan for Littlestar so she can share in my iJoy. GPS proves that God is real, merciful, and pressed for time.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]
But does it have DOS emulation by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:50:05 AM EST
and a 720k floppy attachment, in case you want to play the original Civ?


[ Parent ]
I'm playing Civ4 a bit recently.. by infinitera (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:55:21 AM EST
And I miss Alpha Centauri. It was a bit of a deviation from their standard Civ game, but I really liked the setting, and the flexible unit design rather than generics (quite like MOO/MOOII). Oh, and the aquatic colonies.

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
I have hope by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #22 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 01:08:54 PM EST
They recently redid Colonization fairly faithfully, so UI have hope they will redo Alpha Centauri next.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Hmm, I think I have Sierra's Outpost by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #23 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 01:19:28 PM EST
still sitting around, I never got very far on it.


[ Parent ]
I Wrote To Steve Jobs To Demand... by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:16:39 PM EST
...that the Gen 4 iPhone (likely to be named the iPhone 3GSSPTS) incorporate a beer bottle opener, a toothpick, a video projector, a taser, and be water-resistant up to 40,000 leagues beneath the sea.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]
Now you remind me! by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #16 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:18:08 PM EST
I should have asked the dentist to add a bottle opening edge to my crown.


[ Parent ]
Actually mr cool it's a 16 gig like yours. [nt] by littlestar (4.00 / 1) #24 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 03:49:32 PM EST


*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
She needs to appreciate Moore's law by georgeha (4.00 / 4) #2 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:38:11 AM EST
give her a Walkman, and make her carry around a handful of cassettes.


Well, She Has a Kazoo. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 3) #4 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:42:17 AM EST
But I think she's disappointed because she can't text her friends with it.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]
I am firmly of the belief by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:53:31 AM EST
That children do not need cell phones until they can reasonably be expected to disappear on their own for hours on end without pre-arranging things.

E.g. "I'll be back at 1 am, I'm going out."

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
Hmmm. by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #5 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:46:29 AM EST

Is she developing severe emotional problems, or am I just being played?

She's a woman, ergo both.


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
got a brand new hat by duxup (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 11:54:38 AM EST
And no pics? 

____
Like the Cyborgs... by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #13 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:10:05 PM EST
...the iPhone is not ideal for photographing oneself. Littlestar seems to have a knack, but I only take pictures of my thumb or the blurry wall behind me.

I'll see what I can do, though.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]
I've got at least two totally cool ones... by littlestar (4.00 / 1) #25 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 03:52:19 PM EST
I'll find 'em and post 'em.

*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
Cool beans by duxup (4.00 / 1) #28 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 06:17:20 PM EST
Husi is way short on hat photos.

____
[ Parent ]
Wait. How old is she? by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:02:43 PM EST
10 or so? And Yam is around 5?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

6.5 Years by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:08:46 PM EST
Wow. Was I ever off. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #20 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:46:49 PM EST
You've got a good 5 years before she becomes a Moody Teenagertm. Guess she's just a Moody GradeSchooler®

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Going back to school has been disappointing. by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:04:36 PM EST
I hope your school is better than mine.


A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
Exactly
My Name is Earl

What Disappoints You? by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #14 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:14:55 PM EST
I'm sure various kinds of disappointment are a distinct possibility, but some may hinge on what one's expectations are. My expectation is, in part, to accrue some sort of credit and do something tangible with all the scientific reading I do now -- to read and synthesize to a purpose, instead of browsing carelessly.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]
Crappy courses, by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #29 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 07:18:58 PM EST
lazy instructors.

Getting credit for what you'd be doing anyway is a good idea.

I wasn't able to pick my school, because the state is paying, so I shouldn't complain. I wonder if I'd be more satisfied if I'd gone to a better school.


A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
Exactly
My Name is Earl

[ Parent ]
Most of my professors are amazing. by ni (4.00 / 1) #30 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 08:26:49 PM EST
I go to a fairly good school. Strangely, most of my professors were also amazing when I went to a fairly bad school. I explain this to myself by supposing that I was in a particularly good department of a particularly bad school, but it's puzzling all around.


"These days it seems like sometimes dreams of Italian hyper-gonadism are all a man's got to keep him going." -- CRwM
[ Parent ]
School starts next week for me, by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #38 Sat Sep 19, 2009 at 01:56:32 AM EST
and I just found out that one of my professors jumped ship this week. So his classes have been canceled.

It's a quality institution?


A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
Exactly
My Name is Earl

[ Parent ]
Don't worry about the dramatics by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 3) #17 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:41:40 PM EST
It's just a phase that all girls go through.  I should only last seventy or eighty years.

Hee hee hee.... [ nt] by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #26 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 03:53:06 PM EST


*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
Right now I smell by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #18 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:42:35 PM EST
bacon.
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Being played by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 12:43:22 PM EST
Is she developing severe emotional problems, or am I just being played?

Littlestar is, amongst her other duties and diversions, back at school picking up two additional undergrad courses before starting a new masters programme next year with a bend toward becoming an adolescent psychology and family therapy ninja.


You are being played, and might I suggest, being played on a professional level.

/Not looking forward to that at all, for I am weak willed
//And oh yeah, x 2

Age thing? by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #21 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 01:06:02 PM EST
My kid is doing the same, albeit in a more boyish fashion.

Last night, for instance, he stomped off to his room and slammed the door.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

The boy... by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #27 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 03:55:45 PM EST
He didn't even mention the boy. The boy is a crazy little creature right now, full of "No"s and "I want somebody else to do it"s. He is spending a lot of time sitting in the corner lately fake crying. Sigh. It's a stage. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
How can you leave me hanging like that? by vorheesleatherface (2.00 / 0) #31 Tue Sep 15, 2009 at 08:41:52 PM EST
What is the new hat like?


I don't know shit about children by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #32 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 03:52:37 AM EST
But how many friends does your daughter have nearby? It's just that I never hear them mentioned...

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It's political correctness gone mad!

Many by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #34 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 10:15:20 AM EST
Her best friends, the red army live at the end of our road as does one of her little girl friends. Some of her other friends live in the town five minutes north of us, but not far to be sure. I don't know how often I hear anyone speak of their childrens' friends... in fact, don't recall reading about kids friends ever on Husi so, you know, not shocking that you hadn't heard them mentioned (although I have actually mentioned them now that I think of it, I"ve written about the red army before... hahahaha... so there ya' go).

*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
The Red Army by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #35 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 10:23:50 AM EST
Sound awesome!

I was just thinking about it because my friends were such an important part of my childhood, maybe even more than my parents! I certainly remember more about time spent with my friends.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
read my diaries by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #36 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 11:43:39 AM EST
and hear about Porsche_girl, newspaper_girl, AF_girl, preschool_girl, teacher_girl and programmer_boy.


[ Parent ]
I do by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #37 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 03:44:43 PM EST
So, I guess I either just don't remember or missed those ones.

*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
clock would marry his iPhone, too by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #33 Wed Sep 16, 2009 at 09:07:44 AM EST
I'd hate to see The Dude as a cyborg.

Is It Me Or You Who Smells? | 38 comments (38 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback