Print Story A little custom SQL
Diary
By BadDoggie (Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 02:25:52 AM EST) Bellyfrog, the Offspring, poops, more poops (all tags)
INSERT INTO
        canine_family
                (fname, mname, sex, bdate, btimeUTC, bweight_gm, blength_cm)
        VALUES
                (Mildly, Naughty, F, 20090804, 18:15, 3270, 50);
COMMIT;


MildlyNaughtyPuppy

** 1 row(s) inserted **
** SQL Statement Execute Time: 24,091,594.5 seconds **

< 21:53 | One man and his shed. >
A little custom SQL | 45 comments (45 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
O HAI by MildlyNaughtyPuppy (4.00 / 15) #1 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 02:30:19 AM EST
Monorail Baby

ORLY? by me0w (4.00 / 5) #9 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 06:55:56 AM EST

"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."
[ Parent ]
YA RLY by MildlyNaughtyPuppy (4.00 / 2) #12 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 07:22:50 AM EST
KTHXPOOPSNOWBY

[ Parent ]
Congrats (n/t) by Metatone (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 03:04:05 AM EST



Congrats by brokkr (4.00 / 3) #3 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 04:07:14 AM EST
All the best for mini-ME.

Good thing the transaction wasn't a rollback!

--
Deyr fé, deyja frændr, deyr sjalfr it sama,
ek veit einn, at aldrei deyr: dómr um dau∂an hvern.

(Comment Deleted) by xth (4.00 / 3) #4 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 04:30:09 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by xth



More.... by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 05:01:13 AM EST
 UPDATE canine_family  SET present='flowers' WHERE name='sugar_spun';
 UPDATE canine_family SET present='cigars and pint' WHERE name='BadDoggie';

Will have to add other tables and extend for parent mapping and lack of sleep....



Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
SET present='cigars and pint' by gazbo (4.00 / 4) #7 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 05:09:22 AM EST
How can you expect your congratulations to be well received when they aren't properly normalised?!

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
You should know by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 07:07:56 AM EST
..there's the "instant fix" and the "long term" fix. The latter was mentioned at the bottom of my post. 

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
SQL Statement Execute Time: 24,091,594.5 seconds by ambrosen (4.00 / 6) #6 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 05:08:57 AM EST
Really liked that bit. I was nearly going to add that myself.

Congratulations!

The .5 seconds seems a bit too precise! by infinitera (2.00 / 0) #29 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 10:08:55 AM EST

Even seconds seems too much, unless you have accurate conception times!

Congratulations to the canine family!


[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
clarification.. by infinitera (2.00 / 0) #30 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 10:10:26 AM EST

Units is not what I'm referring to with my pedantry -

278 days, 20 hours, 6 minutes, 34.5 seconds

Just the last bit ;)


[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

[ Parent ]
Good stuff! by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 06:16:03 AM EST
Hope your good lady is doing well.

How's the sleep?


Nonexistent. by sugar spun (4.00 / 2) #17 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 08:51:48 AM EST
I'm running on hormones; BD on bloodymidedness,

[ Parent ]
excuse typing by sugar spun (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 08:52:37 AM EST
onehanded. Baby needs burps.

[ Parent ]
As much as I wanted to punch by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #22 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:09:25 AM EST
Any other parent who told me "it gets better", it actually does.  Naps for baby = naps for parents was the trick for us, and a shift rota as best as we could manage.  It is bloody hard though and having got that particular T shirt I wish you all the best.

But even through the physical and mental tiredness, and the trauma of birth, you've still got one hell of a cute baby.


[ Parent ]
I want to punch you. by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #39 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 01:51:04 AM EST
With a shotgun. By the time either of us can try to settle in for a nap it's poops-cleaning time again. It's going to be a very long time before I open the crock of Moutarde de Meaux again.

woof.

OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

[ Parent ]
Hmph. by sugar spun (4.00 / 1) #41 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 05:15:25 AM EST
You weren't cleaning it from between a set of toes this morning to the soundtrack of My Mama's Trying To Force Cleanliness Upon Me, Send For The Authorities screaming. She was on fire, I tell you, she managed to roll halfway over the better to spread her inimitable brand of Agent Orange.

[ Parent ]
Well, by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #43 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 05:47:18 AM EST
It'll get better!

/runs


[ Parent ]
Congrats to you both! by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 07:17:22 AM EST
You make beautiful children, for sure!
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
Congrats! by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 07:47:37 AM EST



Congrats. by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 07:51:42 AM EST

Root cause: yes.

Well done, team dog.


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
ITYM by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #19 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:04:13 AM EST
cause: rooting

(well, for the aussies at least)

[ Parent ]
The blessings of the Tyrant upon your house! by atreides (4.00 / 3) #15 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 08:26:17 AM EST
And now, the sleeplessness begins! And the poop!

He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.

congrats! by clock (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 08:41:49 AM EST
coffee and burp cloths all around!  well done!


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

Muslin is magic. by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #40 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 01:52:09 AM EST
No shit.

woof.

OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

[ Parent ]
excellent!! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:04:42 AM EST
congrats!

beautiful baby!

I do think however by anonimouse (4.00 / 2) #24 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:19:07 AM EST
he's a little young for artificial tan 

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
She's a girl by sugar spun (4.00 / 3) #32 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 10:49:46 AM EST
and her mother's from Liverpool. Never too young.



Actually she just came out that way. It's very weird looking at her skin tone next to mine. I think she stole my melanin.

[ Parent ]
for those using God's own true values by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:05:23 AM EST
that's  ~7.2 lbs and ~19.7 inches

Also by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 2) #23 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:17:44 AM EST
That SQL transaction time was not how long she was in labor. A fact I only came to the realization of after breaking out calc.exe, which is how I know it's going to be a bad day for me.


[ Parent ]
calc.exe? by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #28 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:57:48 AM EST
Should've used EXPLAIN to break the transaction down into component parts... 

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
Well done by Gedvondur (4.00 / 2) #25 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:23:32 AM EST
Congrats!

May she enjoy many future FISH!

 

Gedvondur


"...I almost puked like a pregnant StackyMcRacky." --MillMan
You have a beautiful daughter. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #26 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:23:58 AM EST
Congratulations!
--
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
Congrats! by technician (4.00 / 1) #27 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 09:31:10 AM EST


Congrats by motty (4.00 / 1) #31 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 10:37:08 AM EST
And more congrats.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
Congrats! by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #33 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 11:12:00 AM EST
Where was she born? Mine was at Harlaching.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Geisenhofer. by sugar spun (4.00 / 2) #37 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 05:00:36 PM EST
Aside from accidentally causing the foetal heartrate to crash several times and precipitating us into an emergency C-section situation, insulting me for not having bothered with private insurance (I'm 30 and my last non-pregnancy-related doctor visit was three years ago - it was a useless extravagance not to use public insurance but it appears to be a status symbol above being willing to pay an excess) and attempting to remove my IV by simply yanking the IV tree out of the room, it wasn't that bad. The family room was appreciated, as was the anaesthetist. There is something to be said for growling, I want an epidural now please,* and the epidural man appearing with drugs before I even had time to change into active labour clothes.

*I may not have said it quite like that, but the only witness has been appropriately intimidated and will not be contradicting me.

[ Parent ]
ZOMG! by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #38 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 12:00:21 AM EST
I had a huge nierenstein at age 27, and I thought I had it bad when they kept me in the kinderkrankenhaus for a week.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
The kinderkrankenhaus? by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #42 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 05:18:46 AM EST
At 27? Am I missing something in my sleep-deprived haze?

[ Parent ]
That's right. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #45 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 09:57:11 AM EST
The regular one had no beds. Actually, my nurses were *very* attentive, and didn't wear bras, which was nice.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Congrats! (nt) by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #34 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 12:19:02 PM EST

---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
Congrats to you both! by FlightTest (4.00 / 1) #35 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 01:01:28 PM EST
Simply Awesome!


Congrats! [nt] by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 1) #36 Wed Aug 12, 2009 at 03:37:21 PM EST

--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
Congratulations. by hulver (2.00 / 0) #44 Thu Aug 13, 2009 at 08:58:27 AM EST
long baby is long.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
A little custom SQL | 45 comments (45 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback