Print Story Of COURSE it was a black out.
By nightflameblue (Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:13:13 AM EST) (all tags)
Let's tell a little story about dumb people. Because, you know, they're so rare and stuff.

AFKS's SiL has money issues. We haven't discussed this for a while here because, honestly, everyone thought she'd finally started to get things under control. Thought.

Couple weeks ago apparently she started making comments to Mrs. AFKS about how she can't eat just one popsicle, she has to have the whole box at once. Can't eat just a few chips, has to sit and eat the entire bag. Etc, etc, etc, general assumption, she's replaced shopping with eating. And she's started to feel bad about it.

So, sometime last week the AFKS household gets a call from Mr. SiL. SiL has had a blackout. Apparently she went grocery shopping at Walmart, blacked out in the middle of it, and came to sitting on the floor at home surrounded by seven hundred dollars worth of newly purchased items still in the bags.

Right. Blacked out. This excuse has been used before, though never quite at this level of stupid. Impressive? Oh, it gets better.

So, the family that she hasn't pissed off enough they've stopped talking to her because they're sick of her always begging for money get together to have a discussion about it. This includes AFKS's MiL, Mrs. AFKS, and Mr. SiL. Yeah, that's all that she has left out of a family including two other sisters and a couple brothers plus marriages and on and on. Not even her father will deal with her anymore.

In this discussion, it is decided, they will be laying down the law. No more enabling. Taking away her checkbook, her credit cards, blah, blah, blah. OK, this should have happened after the first bankruptcy, but better late than never.

AFKS tells his wife he's proud of the little group for trying to make a difference, finally.

The plan is set. An intervention of sorts is established at the AFKS household. A nice little backyard BBQ get-together with the central event being the come-to-hay-zeus meeting about the money. AFKS essentially excuses himself from it because he's so angry with SiL that he's afraid he'll spout off and make things worse.

So, after the meeting, Mrs. AFKS is acting really sheepish with AFKS. Once everyone goes home, and everything settles down, he asks what's up. They took away her checkbook. They took away her credit cards. They dealt with what needed dealt with. Except. . .

They gave her seven hundred dollars to pay for her little blackout shopping spree.

This is the point where the story will be edited to avoid showing exactly how large of an asshole AFKS can be when it becomes required. Suffice to say, there's been some SERIOUS WORDS expressed over this event. Naughty names I would never call my wife no matter how stupid she was over something. Granted, I can't imagine my wife being this stupid, but, I digress.

Fast forward.

SiL calls Mrs. AFKS on Friday to ask for her account number off her checkbook. Mrs. AFKS asks why. She claims because she needs to deposit her paycheck, but can't remember her account number. Mrs. AFKS, being the highly intelligent creature she is, and keep in mind she's been working in collections for about six years now so she knows how scumbag money grubbers operate, happily hands over the account number.

A few hours later she remembers SiL has direct deposit.

Oh, tip of the iceberg.

Trufe - her husband could have easily deposited any other funds she may have come up with into the account.

Trufe - Seems no one thought to take away SiL's checkcard. Reason: In case of emergencies. Because she's been so good at judging emergencies on her own in the past.

Trufe - AFKS has one more screaming fit where he rants and raves at Mrs. AFKS for almost two hours. He stops to take a breath. Mrs. AFKS replies, "Well, I could see why you would think that, but. . . ." AFKS claims he had to lock himself in the basement because he knew if he listened to her excuses he was going to hit her. I've known AFKS since early high school. He does not hit females. Hell, he only ever hit one male I know of, and believe me, that shit was needed.

See, AFKS is pissed because they just replaced their cooling system in their house and they need their money to cover that payment. He said when he finally calmed down he told Mrs. AFKS that if her giving SiL money creates a bouncy check to the company that did the work for them, they will no longer have joint funds and he will be cutting her off from their money because he's sick of watching their money go to fund her sister's stupidity.

Mrs. AFKS breaks down.

Oh wait, there's more.

SiL, back on the horse, so to speak, sneaks out with her card and buys up a storm at Walmart. Seems they won't be able to cover their actual living expenses this pay-period. She managed to soak up not only her paycheck, but also their backup funds.

No one knows what she punchased, as nothing ever showed up after her shopping spree. Just a large charge on the account from Walmart.

And now Mrs. AFKS is scrambling to put together the money to bail out SiL one more time. No thought has been given yet to taking away the checkcard. AFKS mentioned it and was told, flat out, "SHE NEEDS IT FOR EMERGENCIES."

AFKS is in tailspin. He doesn't know if he's more angry at his wife, or her sister, or her sister's husband for letting this shit go on for so long. My advice to him was to focus where he could and make sure Mrs. AFKS doesn't allow SiL to take them down with her. He can't protect SiL from herself, that's her husband's job. And while there's a certain obligation to help out family members when there are actual problems to deal with, she has done a very apt job of creating her own problems, and will insist on continuing to create her own problems until she hits rock bottom and is forced to realize she needs to face reality. Restate their offer from a year or so ago that they will take care of SiL's kids if the need arises, but SiL is on her own. That's what I'd do.

Once he calmed himself, he agreed. No reason to punish the kids for their mother's stupidity.

His wife on the other hand? He doesn't know what to do there. I'm at a bit of a loss as well. Reality is not something the sisters choose to face at this point, and AFKS has no idea how to force his wife back to reality without letting her crash and burn with her sister.

Drama, drama all around. Thank dorg my home life is boring as shit aside from this ear/mom/doctor drama. And that's nothing. I can shrug that off in my sleep compared to this.

Much beer drinking will be had this weekend with AFKS if I'm not back on another round of drugs. If I am, then he can drink it all himself and I'll sit there and listen to him rant. That's what he needs most right now anyway.

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Of COURSE it was a black out. | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Walmart has a good return policy by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:32:36 AM EST
I returned a leash and collar yesterday. Then again, I haven't tried to return $700 worth of stuff.

I'm glad the evangelical inlaws haven't asked us.

Yeah. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:37:18 AM EST
Last night Mrs. AFKS went over to SiL's to try and sort out what could and couldn't be returned. Seems she bought lots and lots of food items.

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Well, at least food can be eaten. by gzt (2.00 / 0) #3 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:40:39 AM EST
I mean, it won't go to waste, it'll just displace the grocery budget.

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Some of it can be eaten. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:44:38 AM EST
It was purchased at Walmart.

[ Parent ]
It's never too late to DTMF already by darkbrown (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:43:22 AM EST

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Family and Money by duxup (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 12:55:29 PM EST
What a terrible combo.  The Mrs. has a family member whose money habits worry us.  She’s enabled by some parental folk.  As far as we know it is nothing catastrophic yet but I’ve made it clear that when the enabling ever ends we are not going to provide any monetary assistance.  

I mean if a family member had some medical problem or such a catastrophe I’d help out but in general I don’t hand out the monies.

Ugh. by Gedvondur (4.00 / 3) #7 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 02:38:42 PM EST
Sounds like a mental disorder to me.

Obsessive/compulsive personality disorder of some sort.  Crazy in the brainbox for sure.

Mr. AFKS should GTFO, as these things are often genetic....

I've got a friend who's life is spiraling down the toilet, albeit for different reasons.  We've stopped enabling him like two years ago, but that mythical "hits bottom and wakes up" never seems to come.  Even when he was living at the homeless shelter.  I think that life is much less a Halmark movie than I would like it to be.  Some people will simply never wake up.

AFKS has to put his foot down.  One more dollar to the SiL and its a divorce.  That is the only way to go if his wife won't face the reality that her sister is OC. 



"...I almost puked like a pregnant StackyMcRacky." --MillMan
Definitely OC by nightflameblue (4.00 / 3) #8 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 02:46:57 PM EST
That was suggested by AFKS and myself nearly five years before AFKS and Mrs. AFKS were married. It's been floated again in recent years. It never goes over well.

There's a certain level of over-reactionary protection going on because SiL is the baby of the family. But, as I said, MiL and Mrs. AFKS are the last ones left aside from SiL's husband who will tolerate her on any level.

AFKS isn't quite to the divorce level yet, but he's definitely to the "split bank accounts" level, and possibly considering any other options he can find. It's gettin' ugly.

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if he's gone along this long by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #9 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 03:12:14 PM EST
he's just as much a non-adult, enabler as the mrs.. as much as the black out is a story, I wonder how much the "split bank accounts" is also a story..

"I really mean it this time!!!oenoneone1!"

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Wow by coillte (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 04:27:29 PM EST
I mean, wow.

Still. Families are scripted events, as it wwere. It can be damned difficult to step outside of the roles, no matter how necessary or obvious it is to outsiders, as it were.

No idea if thats the case. But people do get wrapped up in being what they're needed to be.

Beer. Definitely beer.

 Much smarter than anything I can think of.

Arms my only ornament...
Man oh man by SunlightGirl (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Jun 04, 2009 at 01:06:04 AM EST
I think some serious anti-depressants are needed by A ) the overspending wife to help her control herself. B ) her hubby to deal with this all. Her spending habit is as bad it sounds as being married to compulsive gambler.

Lots of people overspend. I can not say I have not been one of those at times esp at the holidays.

Maybe this woman needs another job if she doesn't already have one to keep her so busy she doesn't have time to spend so much? And by working more she will help pay off the bills quicker and built up the family fund faster.

Oh fuck the ponies - fuck it all...
split those finances! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu Jun 04, 2009 at 09:18:04 AM EST
he needs to do it now, before he's ruined.  pull his free annual credit reports and see where he's linked to her, and close it all down.  and if they own a house and are both listed on said house (or cars), he needs to get that taken care of as well.

and when the Mrs flips out over all of this, he can always say he's protecting his kids (doesn't he have a kid now?)

Yep. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Jun 04, 2009 at 04:27:21 PM EST
Got the kid. Totally loves her. Mrs. is upset that kid appears to be more into daddy than her after all her months of worrying that daddy and baby wouldn't get along.

Something big is brewing there. Not just in the finances. Which is not surprising to anyone that knows them except her family, who spent the last six years saying all the fights would end as soon as the baby finally showed up.

This money thing? Tip of the 'berg.

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Of COURSE it was a black out. | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback