Print Story I hereby declare myself the winner of the Iranian election.
Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 03:50:23 PM EST) (all tags)
The B.A.D.tm

Rigging Third World Country elections since 1973...



We bought a fancy schmancy bird feeder a few months back, because I'm all about becoming one with nature and doing my part to help God out in that one regard. Well, let me tell you you really should think twice if you're considering the same. Indeed. Why? I'll tell you why, because we now own the most popular bird feeder just west of the Amazon1 which means we're spending about $2,000 per month on gourmet bird food. Oh sure, the fine feathered gliders most likely appreciate it, what with the easy access to pre-scavenged tasty food and whatnot, and as far as I can tell it God is grateful as well2 but it takes a fair amount of plasma sales every month to pay that bill off and don't even get me going on the related poop issue.

In other news NG got a summer gig thanks to the Stimulii money. It's sad though as it's a job helping troubled youts get summer jobs which means said youts get a summer "job" paid in FULL by the stimulii, then, when the summer is over, they go back to being unemployed troubled youts just like they were in May. Meanwhile the government will likely count them as 140 (the number of youts) jobs created which, if you ask me, is more than a little misleading as they aren't really real jobs, it's temporary contract work. The country would be better served if they sent us Best Buy gift cards IMO.

In yet other news, in an effort to show how Patriotic I am, and in an effort to do my part to not patronize slave labour, I've given up shopping at WalMart. That's right, I've got a full 100% boycot3 in effect and let me tell you I'm sleeping better at nights as a direct result. As such I'm going to call on you to step up to the plate and do the same, if we all come together as a team we CAN make a difference, so get out there and get er done!

Why can't I find a simple weed wacker on craigslist? Eh? Seems like just the sort of thing people would want to sell but alas I'm not having any luck.

Meh, got to go, the bird feeder's empty again and the birds are all angrily circling the house...


[1] The river, not the convenient online retailer.
[2] To show his thanks he got me out a speeding ticket last week.
[3] Except for a few things which are a lot cheaper there than anywhere else.

< Everybody wants to rule the world. | flying to NYC for a jorb interview, taking questions >
I hereby declare myself the winner of the Iranian election. | 28 comments (28 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
greenrd's rule. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #1 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 03:53:12 PM EST
'nuff said.

IAWTP by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 07:51:25 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
wah??? by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:53:47 AM EST
~nt~

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
WIPO by FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 03:59:22 PM EST
The Grand Unified Theorem


Since by barooo (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 05:15:33 PM EST
the proxy at work seems to only let me post replies, I'm posing my WIPO here.

The Central Limit Theorem.


man, i need a beefy taco now.
-gzt
[ Parent ]
Squirrels by jayhawk88 (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 05:16:48 PM EST
You should consider the possibility that squirrels are eating all your seed. If they haven't found it yet, they will, it's only a matter of time. You may think that the squirrel cannot reach the feeder because of careful planning/building, but you're wrong. I don't care if you've covered the ground around it with barbed wire for 100 yards. The squirrel will beat any defense you set, up to and including fire, armed guards, and some kind of robotic squirrel elimination system.


Oh we have them too by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:53:24 AM EST
But I've seen the enemy and the enemy has been defeated. Seriously, there are so many birds flying about back there that they had to set up their own air-traffic-controllers to aid with the congestion.

Plus some birds (the little finches) spill the seed on the ground so much that the squirrels just have to sit underneath the feeder and let the food come to them.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by SunlightGirl (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 05:23:38 PM EST

This comment has been deleted by SunlightGirl



A layman's MoTer?? by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 04:15:37 AM EST
Have you NO SHAME? Bob would never sit around watching sick people die slowly and painfully without at least offering them a forkful of chicken and bloccori. I also don't think he'd pal around with Charles Keating (not openly in the public view, anyway). I also have it on good authority that Bob looks silly wearing any sort of headgear.

woof.

OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

[ Parent ]
Right! by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #23 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:50:13 AM EST
Nuff said.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Search on trimmer rather than weed wacker by lm (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 08:06:02 PM EST
The truth is out there.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
Thank you kind sir by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:48:12 AM EST
I should quantify that I've been able to find a couple here and there for sale but nothing close by. When I was shopping for a mower you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting one for sale within 5 to 10 miles or so. Not so with the venerable weed whacker.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Hey Bob by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 08:20:39 PM EST
glad to see you back from the near dead.. Well, assuming you are still in ohio, dead still may apply.. Did you actually buy real estate there, or just shack up with NG, who really should drop the N from her name.. I mean, not like you talk about ipod girl any more..

But, anyway, yah, still in ohio ? What's OMM doing these days ? Are you off the public dole ? Working anywhere interesting ? And if NG got a "new" job, were both yunz unemployed and f'ing like rabbits ?

As LM suggested, spool or string trimmer, that's what you want to search for on craigslist..  And you gotta be careful because people are morans.. They might list under tools, farm/garden or other areas.. (Heck searching on trimmer shows 2 from yesterday and then some .. )

Also, I suggest a pellet gun to keep the squirrels off the bird feeder. You get 2 for 1: free meat, and save on bird seed (squirrels have a voracious appetite for bird seed..)

I wanted to kill them by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:49:44 AM EST
But instead I bought some kind of a squirrel guard thing for 15 clams that seems to do the job quite well. The buggers try and try but they can't get to it anymore.

GOD BLESS THE SQUIRREL GUARD THINGY!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
just the other day i asked clock by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Jun 15, 2009 at 10:11:00 PM EST
what had happened to you (I figured you two have some kind of crazy ohio connection thing).  thank god you posted!

Aye by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:46:05 AM EST
Us Ohia'ns tend to be able to channel each other using a half-cooked ear of corn and some tin foil.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by xth (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 05:57:20 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by xth



Get on facebook dude by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 09:23:30 AM EST
Facebook is the new k5.


Bah by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #26 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:55:00 AM EST
Facepages is soooooo 2007.

I'm more of a trend-setter than a trend follower and whatnot.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 10:22:21 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by ammoniacal



You've inspired me, Bob. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Jun 16, 2009 at 10:22:46 AM EST
I'm gonna kill a squirrel in your honour when I get home.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Allah bless you by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:44:05 AM EST
I'd kill them too but NG is morally opposed to the whole death to small defenseless animals thing.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Defenseless? by lm (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 06:35:10 PM EST
The first squirrel I ever shot was in self-defense.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
Wall-Mart by duxup (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed Jun 17, 2009 at 12:08:01 PM EST
I stopped shopping there when I went into the store and to promote a sale on Oreo cookies they were giving out samples.   The sample was exactly one half an Oreo cookie.  No joke.  Some dude was there sawing them in half before putting them on the plate.
 
WTF kind of sick people do that?

____
Ugh by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #18 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:43:04 AM EST
I'm too germ-phobic to eat most free samples like that.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Boycott Wal-mart by jimgon (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Jun 17, 2009 at 06:57:39 PM EST
Why?  The people of this country get what they deserve.  Wal-mart is good for poor people and completely destructive to the Middle Class.  The Middle Class are a lazy bunch of slobs who blame all their problems on other people.  Again, get what they deserve.




---------------
Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
Oh sure by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #17 Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 10:42:22 AM EST
It's the principle of the whole thing that I'm on about.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Collapsitarian by jimgon (2.00 / 0) #28 Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 09:39:35 AM EST
I just learned of the collapsitarian movement this week.  I would be a collapsitarian if I believed that Ann Rand wasn't a dipshit.  Encouraging the collapse of society is up my alley.  Coincidentally my understanding of it resembles the 19th Century Anarchist Movement.  I'm up for that sine I've been watching "Thundarr, the Barbarian" reruns on cable.




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Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
[ Parent ]
I hereby declare myself the winner of the Iranian election. | 28 comments (28 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback