Print Story It was like watching vivisectionists experimenting on kittens
By xth (Thu May 28, 2009 at 04:54:18 AM EST) (all tags)
Not the greatest match for neutrals, but Barcelona pulverized Man Utd. I haven't seen such a one-sided CL match since Inter - Man Utd.

Points gained off the pitch
Respect to Man Utd for taking defeat so graciously - are you watching Chelsea? And extra points to Mr Ferguson for not shaking Berlusconi's hand at the end.

Luckily it wasn't Rangers

The much feared (by the English media) stab orgy and (by the Italians) drunken mayhem didn't materialize.

There were two incidents involving knives, one a Yank mistaken for a Man U supporter, and one an Englishman stabbed in the back. Even in hooligan circles, Romans are looked down upon for their cowardly habit of sneaking on people from behing and stabbing them.
As for the Brits, the maxi screen provided for the ticketless were pelted with cans and rocks, and there were a couple of scuffles, but nothing major. Only 18 arrests in total, better than your average Saturday night in Luton.

A javelin????

Six spanish supporters were stopped, and three arrested, for possession of weapons - clubs, chains, and a javelin. A WHAT?? what exactly were they planning?

Now I know violence is bad and all that, but imagine the scene, Ronaldo running down the pitch towards the keeper, it looks like a sure goal, then.... swissssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doing! A javelin falls out of the sky and goes straight through his heart.

It'd be as if the Lord Almighty himself was getting involved. Which wouldn't help your typical Man Utd supporter's persecution complex.

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It was like watching vivisectionists experimenting on kittens | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Fergie didn't have much choice by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu May 28, 2009 at 07:02:54 AM EST
but to be gracious. He would have looked like a prize plumb if he'd criticised the excellent referee or the beautiful football of his opponents.

I actually though the first half was a bit dull. There was some amazing stuff from Barca towards the end but the main feature of the match was how badly Man U played.

What on earth happened? They were beyond sub-par. I don't think it was tactical, just a lot of poor performances, though Park should have been kept on - he was the best Man U player on the pitch by a long shot (as is often the case. I sometimes think there's some sort of invisibility thing going on that means journalists can't see him which is why they never mention him).

Ronaldo: what a fucking cock.

It's political correctness gone mad!

Call me cynical but... by xth (4.00 / 3) #2 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:00:44 AM EST
That must be the foulest language I've ever read from you.

Commentators are just reinforcing the narrative created by PR agencies and journalists (many of which just lift part of their articles from PR releases anyway).

Carrick, for example. Commentators keep banging on what a classy midfielder he is - even as he's making a wayward pass. Next time he gets the ball, they'll be saying the same again, just ignoring how crap he's been playing. Berbatov is now 'the disappointment' so every misplaced touch is commented on. Ronaldo is the sulker, Ronney the hot head. It'slike a bloody soap opera.

Park does the same work Tevez does, yet he hardly gets mentioned (in England). Probably because Park doesn't endorse any brands over here - in Asia it's probably the other way round.

Once due to a journalist strike I saw a match on telly with all the ambient noise from stadium but no commentators. It was so much better, I wish you could do it all the time.

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[ Parent ]
I'd like by Breaker (4.00 / 7) #3 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:14:45 AM EST
Pub commentary.

Ronaldo - you jelly kneed cunt!  Get off the fucking floor you bastard diver!

Whoooooo's the wanker in black?

Is Rooney completely fucking overrated the potato headed twat?

How fucking much did we pay for Berbatov?  My fucking granny could have nailed that and she's been dead for seven years!


[ Parent ]
Or you could have 'girlfriend's commentary' by xth (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:28:40 AM EST
MMmm who's that player? He's cute

Why is he throwing the ball with his hands, I thought it wasn't allowed?

I like the outfit that guy's wearing who is he? Ah, the referee

Wow, look at the the muscles on those legs

That guy needs to pluck his eyebrows - and some dental work

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[ Parent ]
That would not by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #7 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:30:47 AM EST
Improve the general enjoyment of the game, would it?

And you forgot:
"So, this offside thingy then..."

[ Parent ]
You'd need to press the red button for that by xth (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu May 28, 2009 at 09:07:57 AM EST

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Maybe the answer is by anonimouse (4.00 / 3) #10 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:51:07 AM EST
To have multiple audio channels, allowing you to select from the combination you want and mix them together.....

Pick from
a) Stadium Noise
b) Real commentator
c) Pub Comments
d) 'Girlfriend' comments

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
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Sorry! by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:21:39 AM EST
I'm always swearing. I get pulled up on it. It's unpleasant. I should stop.

Park is a national hero in S Korea from what I understand. I'm not an expert so I wonder if I'm missing something amongst all the work he does and opportunities he creates. Maybe he doesn't finish very well or his passing is a bit inaccurate. I dunno. I can't see anything wrong though, from where I am he's phenomenal.

You're right about Carrick as well. Great player but hardly ever a mention.

I'll try watching with the sound turned down next time, good idea. Should give a whole new perspective. But then I'll miss all the unintentionally hilarious commentator comments...

It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
It's good to leave the ambient sound in by xth (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:26:13 AM EST
I've just realized all you need to do is to run the audio out through an equalizer, filter out the commentator's frequencies, and that's it, Bob's your uncle

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No no. by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:40:49 AM EST
Your assessment was correct.

Ronaldo is a fucking cock.

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Plain old racism? by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu May 28, 2009 at 09:09:04 AM EST
That would be my assumption as to why he's not respected.

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I was wondering that by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #13 Thu May 28, 2009 at 09:12:06 AM EST
That he doesn't fit into the stereotypical image of what a footballer should be like.

Then again someone's just been berating for not noticing how awful his passing was so maybe I'm wrong...

It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
No by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu May 28, 2009 at 06:31:05 PM EST
Park is a workhorse in a team of showponies.

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Sounds reasonable. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu May 28, 2009 at 06:38:09 PM EST

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Wish we (Chelsea) could have played United by jump the ladder (4.00 / 2) #9 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:49:33 AM EST
Playing like that. And we were so nearly there :)

People are over-analyzing it, I think. by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu May 28, 2009 at 09:14:38 AM EST

I didn't see half the stuff the press are claiming to have seen in this morning's papers. United just had an off-day, I think -- United at Fulham, rather than United at Arsenal -- which in previous games they could have ridden out, had they not been playing a team as good as Barca who were having a pretty good day. It doesn't matter what Fergie says, I'm still not convinced by John O'Shea, or Anderson for that matter; too many wayward or predictable passes. And *I* could have scored the free header Berbatov missed in the last ten minutes (and I'm crap).

Thought the Eto'o goal was weak, but the Messi goal was absolutely superb. Barcelona were deserving winners.

People are complaining about various players but I thought Clive Tyldesley was the worst performer of the evening. What copious volumes of inane prattle for so little of insight or interest. Lest I ironically emulate him, I'll stop there.

Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Don't forget ITV by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #15 Thu May 28, 2009 at 09:17:40 AM EST
The jumpy picture isn't our fault! Honest! Again!

It's political correctness gone mad!

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Perhaps it was messed up in translation by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu May 28, 2009 at 12:51:43 PM EST

and they actually meant the FGM-148 Javelin because that thing going through someone else's heart would probably be a useful defensive tool, even for football.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
Are all you lot Manchester fans by jxg (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu May 28, 2009 at 08:21:55 PM EST
or is this the me-against-my-brother, me-and-my-brother-against-my-cousin sort of thing?

Personally, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and if that enemy happens to be my brother he can get himself fucked no matter who he's fighting.

Thanks for the clarification by xth (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri May 29, 2009 at 04:19:42 AM EST

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Oh, any time by jxg (4.00 / 1) #21 Sat May 30, 2009 at 03:40:30 AM EST
Us three-random-lettered types have to stick together.

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It was like watching vivisectionists experimenting on kittens | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback