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Ranting
By nomercy (Sat May 02, 2009 at 02:56:29 AM EST) (all tags)
what do I want in life compared to what I'm getting?


I've been looking up hairstyles online. right now I have a mohawk, but I really really really want a chelsea. I wanted a chelsea from the start, but I was too chicken shit to shave THAT much hair off, so I opted for a mohawk. and ugh. it started off being red red red hair for like two months but a few days ago I decided to dye it purple and blue. it looks alright I guess but I want red back now. the blue and purp doesn't stand out at all and it annoys me. I don't want to try and wash it all out now though cause I JUST dyed it like two days ago. and I'm wondering if I should keep my mohawk for a little longer or start growing it out for the chelsea cut. I think I should just might as well start growing it out cause I want to get it sooooooooon.
I'm making and losing so many friends right now. the only friends left from ckm that I want to hang with are Doodles and sometimes Lisa. everyone else changed. they started to hate me for no reason. but then again at the same time I'm meeting a lot of new punk people at shows and online. I'm hanging with a drummer punk chick next week. I feel so newbie when it comes to punk because technically I've only been punk for a little over a month. I still have a lot to learn about the music and the style and the shows (moshing, skanking) and how to deal with "normal" people when they criticize or wonder.
I won't be able to see Josh for another week or so. I got grounded because I tried to drop out of school and now they're on my ass about my work and won't let me go out until I finish it. He says he really wants to see me, and it makes me happy to know that someone thinks about me... and I'm new to the whole sex thing too. I know about fooling around but I've never had sex or oral. I think Josh wants to do both and when I see him we're always horny so I know it will happen soon. not that I DON'T want it to happen. I just know it will :)
and my family is really starting to get on my nerves. like right now we're chill with eachother, but I almost ran away on Thursday. I packed up all of my stuff, and I was ready to go. but I didn't leave because I'd have no where to go. the only people I could think of that MIGHT take me in (only for a few days probably) are Josh and Doodles. but I barely know Josh so I don't know about him. And Doodles parents would ask me a bunch of questions. so when I leave, I would of eventually had to come back and deal with mom and dad being all cryish and hugging me and crap. if I did run away, that would mean I dropped out too which sounds sooo super right now. I guess what I want is to live with Josh, drop out of high school, drum, and get a chelsea (red). but that's not gonna happen... what I have now is a mohawk (purp and blue), staying in school, not seeing Josh very often, and no drum set :(
yesterday dad gave me some money to go shopping or whatever. this is my list:
-red checkered/plaid pants
-red eyeshadow
-black eyeliner
-red hair dye
-spiked collar
-red shoe laces
I really want to see Josh. I want to kiss him. I want him to finger me. I want him to lick my clit. I want to fuck him... I want to be with him... and to be sexual with him. I don't want it to turn out like how me and Sonny's relationship was. that killed me. I think he was the reason why I'm punk now. which is sad to say, but it's true.
tomorrow is gonna suck because I have to work work work. I have to finish the packet by Sunday to get back on track with my work. I don't think I'd be as overwhelmed if I didn't have to do that essay either. this fucking sucks. I don't need school. they're making me do something that I find pointless.
< My presentation went okay. I'm leaving on a jet plane. | He is never less at leisure than when at leisure >
first entry | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Your page says you're 16. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #1 Sat May 02, 2009 at 03:56:18 PM EST
Traditionally, juveniles haven't fared well here, but enjoy your stay anyway.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

What're you talking about? by Driusan (4.00 / 3) #2 Sat May 02, 2009 at 08:33:36 PM EST
We love juveniles here. Especially anonimouse.

--
Vive le Montréal libre.
[ Parent ]
The question is by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #5 Sun May 03, 2009 at 08:55:53 AM EST
..how did nomercy get from myspace to a fairly obscure website such as Husi? And why?


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
Egil told him? by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #8 Sun May 03, 2009 at 01:46:23 PM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
thank you by nomercy (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon May 04, 2009 at 12:55:38 PM EST
I'll try my best to fit in..


[ Parent ]
It may be pointless by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon May 04, 2009 at 01:35:03 PM EST
But regardless of your look, with a few rare exceptions everyone is judged throughout life on how well they did in school or university.

Your ambition does not seem to include any idea on how to obtain an income to live on, unless it includes sending Josh out to earn money whilst you stay at home.


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
bullshit by 256 (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue May 05, 2009 at 12:24:23 PM EST
judged by employers maybe (though even then it is often just a matter of being judged by HOW MUCH school you did, not by HOW WELL you did at it).

throughout life you will be judged on any number of criteria meaningful and meaningless and, for better or worse, how you look is very near the top of the list.
---
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

[ Parent ]
Why by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue May 05, 2009 at 02:05:08 PM EST
There's a strong correlation between academic achievement and success in general. You'll note I am not denying the existence of the occassional rule breaking outlier.

I have no problem with agreeing there is also a correlation between looks and success, but at 16 how you look is likely to change substantially before entering the job market.


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
i'd like to see a study on this by 256 (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue May 05, 2009 at 02:49:04 PM EST
where "success" is defined by self-reported contentment rather than income.

i wouldn't be terribly surprised to still see a correlation between education and success. but i bet it would be a much weaker one and i would be hesitant to assume causality.
---
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

[ Parent ]
You know someone who actually calls themself by Fela Kuti (2.00 / 0) #3 Sat May 02, 2009 at 08:54:59 PM EST
Doodles? Are they a cartoon character or something?


I think by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #4 Sun May 03, 2009 at 06:16:12 AM EST
Doodles is the dog from teh Tweenies


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
HAHA by nomercy (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon May 04, 2009 at 12:52:52 PM EST
it's a long story of why she calls herself that.


[ Parent ]
welcome to husi by 256 (2.00 / 0) #6 Sun May 03, 2009 at 11:43:47 AM EST
it's tough being 16. i was a 16 year old punker once and i can empathize and wish i could give you advice that would be helpful but 16 was recent enough for me to know that nothing i could say would actually be helpful. except for maybe: it gets easier. i hope it works out for you.

also, the average age around this site is almost certainly above 30 and maybe pushing 40, so the discussion you're likely to get on the subject of teenage sex is going to be awkward at best.
---
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

I wish I was only pushing 40.... by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #9 Sun May 03, 2009 at 01:47:42 PM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
and again by 256 (4.00 / 2) #7 Sun May 03, 2009 at 12:19:18 PM EST
it occurred that my first comment might come off as patronizing, and that wasn't my intent. just that it's easier being 30 than it is being 16 because you've been through all the "being an adult" stuff enough times to know better how things are going to affect you an how you react to them. but everyone's different and one person's experience of what it was like to go through something for the first time is going to be of limited help to someone else going through it for the first time.

there is one thing i can say though: punk is less important than you think. which isn't to say it isn't important. punk at its core is about dissatisfaction and independence and about shouting "hey, things are fucked up" and that's good, because things are fucked up. but what's not always obvious when you're young and deep inside that punk rock circle is that lots and lots of other non-punk people, young and old, are also aware that things are fucked up and are trying to do something about it.

and of course plenty of punks are trying to do something about it too.

but beyond that ideology, punk IS just a fashion statement and a musical style. and fashion and music are both good things too, but the fact that they're the cultural legacy of a movement that does stand for something doesn't make them intrinsically stand for something.

in the end, if you have a mohawk (which i do), and someone asks you why there can only be two honest answers: "i think it looks pretty" or "i'm trying to show that i belong to a group called 'punks'".

wearing a hairstyle doesn't change the world. actually doing the things that the group associated with the hairstyle stands for... well, that can.
---
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

reply by nomercy (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon May 04, 2009 at 12:50:44 PM EST
I know it doesn't,,,,,,,,, I was ranting.
I do do things to help too... not just saying either.


[ Parent ]
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