Print Story Good Gordie Howe, I'm Sore All Over.
By gzt (Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 10:47:07 AM EST) gzt, claudius, hamlet, words, dulcinea (all tags)
Amy Moore blew her top, stole a car, shot a cop, sped away 2000 miles, didn't stop until she hit New Orleans.

Today is the Annunciation (aka, 9 months before Christmas). I'm going to have sushi.

I got my accounting test back: I scored 132/133 points. It was an easy test, but I'm always slightly embarrassed in classes to get back such superlative scores when others may not have. I remember one teacher who used to hand back tests in descending order of grade, if only for the first few places.

I was just thinking of the recurring theme, well, not so much a theme as an image or reference, of watchmen in the Old Testament prophetic works. Perhaps I was pricked by the title of that movie, or perhaps I've just been flipping through apocalyptic works and keep bumping into the word. I'm really looking for injunctions to repent, change your ways, do justice, abandon your usurious ways, etc, but I take note of other things, too.

I wonder whether I can be productive today. I should start peppering vacation days over the next few weeks just so I can get a handle on myself. And fill my time.

I'm wearing a suit. Because I am getting sushi in the evening.

I fear I have made an enemy, or at least driven off a friend. The one across the street. Something had to change or we would have killed each other, but this is far too close to the killing end of the spectrum. I haven't enjoyed her company for quite some time, I hardly enjoyed it at all when I did, so I won't miss that. I don't like what I did to drive her off, I don't like having driven somebody off, and I don't like unreconciled enmity. I gave it a week and then sent a note and tried to call with apologies, earnest attempts at reconciliation, but I think she has my phone blocked and deletes any e-mails unread. I'll send a letter by post and then consider that I've done everything in my power to make amends. And then I'm through. I doubt I'll run into her. What could I say if I ran into her at the grocer's? Before you leap to my defense, pointing out that the details of various treatments in the past as related here indicate this can't be totally my fault, I would say that any reasonable person on her end of the stick would be fully justified in making me their enemy. That I am but one of a long string of people (friends, lovers, family) she has left bitter and resentful in her wake is immaterial.

I don't know how I feel about eating lunch today. I may just pick up a new shirt. I can sometimes get by with wearing a shirt for a couple days, but I noticed the collar on this isn't terribly clean and I won't have time to go home to grab a clean one before dinner at Tsunami. I do need more shirts, too. Blue shirts. I have plenty of white.

I can't really focus. I'm thinking about Don Quixote. The impending destruction of Jerusalem and the Last Judgment. Cortez. Dulcinea. Thrasymachus. Antigone. Pantagruel. Hamlet, prince of Denmark. Death. Life. Claudius. I've got to get out of this place. Words, words, words. They're all I have these days. And hope. And change.

Given that I can't focus, maybe I should just take off the afternoon. I don't anticipate getting any work done. I'll make up some excuse, a forgotten dentist appointment or something. I don't have any meetings or pressing obligations.

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Good Gordie Howe, I'm Sore All Over. | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
a long string of people left bitter and resentful by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 10:59:28 AM EST
obviously, it's all your fault then.

Of course. by gzt (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 11:31:10 AM EST
I will have it on the record that this woman has brought out the worst in me. The thing is, I really am responsible for my actions and the worst in me certainly is in me.

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With so much inherent guilt by Driusan (4.00 / 4) #3 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 12:02:49 PM EST
You'd make a fantastic catholic.

Vive le Montréal libre.
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Close enough. by gzt (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 12:46:42 PM EST
If I went into details, you'd see there's certainly enough for me to be guilty of.

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having burned a lot of bridges by MissTrish (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 12:51:16 PM EST
and managed to rebuild some semblence of them, i recommend giving it a month or so. A week or two and its still a fresh pain. The worse the pain, more time. I'm still sitting on one enemy I'm planning to contact in June. It's been almost three years.

ypu're a chair
I second this comment by lm (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 01:45:13 PM EST
It feels like the coward's way out but sometimes the better part of valor is just to walk away. Let enough time pass by to start to allow the wounds to heal and then try to make a fresh start if another start is what you want to do.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
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That is pretty much the plan. by gzt (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 02:01:20 PM EST
I'm sending out a couple feelers right now, a week later, just in case she's in a sensible mood and so I can claim to have made a reasonable effort at reconciliation, but I don't realistically expect to try again for a few months.

[ Parent ]
Good Gordie Howe, I'm Sore All Over. | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback