Print Story I'm trying to tread careful, baby
Diary
By Dr H0ffm4n (Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 03:58:59 AM EST) (all tags)
You're as brittle as the wishbone of a bird
(Lie down here & be my girl)
We've been scribbled in the margins of a story
That's patently absurd
(Lie down here & be my girl)

The days of February from 14 to 24. Including, but not limited to, angst, hand wringing, opera, pacing, pausing, running away, planning, dithering, more opera, more angst, paralysis, horrible coincidence, nerves and food poisoning.



Feb 14 (Sat) is detailed here. The main events were WPKAW's mum's birthday and I attended the ROH with AXA.

Feb 15 (Sun) Day of rest? I believe so. I have not much recollection. Washing, reading and relaxing will have been the primary activities. I sent WPKAW's eldest brother a text to wish the old fart a happy birthday.

Feb 16 (Mon) I take ESoDX out for dinner in the evening. We drink four (not five) bottles of wine between us in around two hours. We get drunk. I try to pay the bill twice. She invites me back to hers. I go back to hers. I had resolved not to do that. She changes into her pyjamas and we sit and chat. I'm still trying to maintain chastity or at the very least lack of complexity in my life. Although ESoDX and I get on much better after 4 bottles of wine, there's still something not quite right for me. I end up talking about WPKAW, thinking about AXA and tell ESoDX I need to go home. We order a cab. ESoDX sits on the floor with her head on my lap and I rub her shoulders and stroke her hair while telling her (genuinely) how much I believe her to be one of the most beautiful women I know and that I can't understand how she's always single.

The cab arrives and I leave her.

Feb 17 (Tue) Am slightly, ever so slightly hung over. I manage to get through work by a miracle and buy chip shop pie and chips on the way home. I collapse into bed exhausted around 9pm.

Feb 18 (Wed) The midgets are away in Cornwall with their mother so I unusually have the evening free. My weeks recently had been busy and I was getting burnt out. So I had planned to do nothing with this week to recuperate. But my mind is torn and I need to talk to someone. After work, I wander the streets pondering but eventually jump in a cab and go home alone.

Feb 19 (Thu) The days starts badly. I'm already being emotional, torn between ESoDX, AXA and being celibate for decencies sake. Then I find out from PlannerWoman that WPKAW's parents have made some expensive choices that were totally unnecessary, unplanned and unbudgeted. The same sort of stuff that eventually led WPKAW not talking to them. I'm livid and disappointed that they are wasting WPKAW's legacy. BustySec realises what a state I'm in so offers to break a bottle of wine with me before she rushes off to a friend's gig. We drink two bottles, are late for the gig, but it's ok as her friend is late going on. I get home around midnight.

All of these days are with the background of constant email or text chatter with AXA. And virtually no communication with ESoDX. It is this that may eventually sway my decisions.

Feb 20 (Fri) I had meant not to go out at all on the Thursday as I really wanted a clear head for Friday evening. I go and visit WPKAW's elderly aunt (82). She is WPKAW's father's half sister and an absolutely fascinating character. A walking history lesson of the last days of the British Empire. The men she's known. The events she attended. The soirées, parties, trists. Family history interwoven with national history. Evoking a golden heyday of society.

She asks me to become a trustee of the WPKAW family trust as she is not getting any younger. I reluctantly agree. It is the best thing, but after the day before's revelations, I am less than keen to have to deal with the stresses.

Feb 21 (Sat) A quiet, slow day spent in preparation for another night at the opera with AXA. This time, my treat. I resolve that enough is enough and spend a large portion of the day mulling over what clever thing to say to get a kiss. I so want to kiss her before we've got drunk so that she doesn't think I'm only doing it because I'm drunk.

In the end I bottle it. Until we've had a few drinks and are eating dinner after the opera. I don't use a line. I just lean in and she smiles and lets me kiss her.

Transmission Ends... Signal Lost

Feb 22 (Sun) We get two hours sleep at AXA's and learn a lot. AXA had been very worried and nearly cancelled. She'd had to ask UniFriend whether I knew what had happened to AXA. I did not. The coincidence is fairly horrible.

In 2004 AXA was nearly killed in a road accident. She was hit while crossing the road by one motorbike racing another. Her injuries were horribly similar to WPKAW's. AXA survived, WPKAW did not.

AXA's life as she knew it ended that day. The trauma is still with her. Her life as a City analyst was over, even though she tried to go back, the stress was too much. She broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. She had to give up most of her physical hobbies. Everything fell apart. Everything changed.

So she's seemingly more fragile than me. We're both treading carefully. Both trying to be honest. It's comfortable though.

She understands and accepts that there are unusual constraints for now. She can't come over to mine for a while. WPKAW is still there, physically as well as emotionally for me. It can't be general knowledge that we are together lest it get back to WPKAW's parents before I've had a chance to talk to them. We agree not to call it a relationship yet, as much for her as for me.

---

AXA went off to work at 11am and I went off to Euston to jump on a train to Birmingham. I spent the afternoon and evening with my parents as it is my fathers's birthday on Feb 24. I snoozed for a couple of hours on the comfy chair in front of the fire in their lounge. I was still wearing the same clothes as the night before at the opera as I finally got home around 11pm that night.

Feb 23 (Mon) Around midday I start to feel queasy. I can't face eating my lunch. Around 1pm, I lose my balance in a meeting when I close my eyes. I spend a couple of hours in the bathroom cursing. The plan had been to meet up with a couple of very old friends that evening. AXA would join us after 9pm. I am this  -><- close to cancelling. But some tea and water and I'm settled enough to think I can at least show my face as one of the friends I've not seen in 10 years.

I have to wear a scarf and gloves a first in order to stop shivering. I try to eat two mouthfuls and have to leave the rest of my dinner. Half an hour later I've lost what I've eaten to Armitage Shanks. But the act calms me and after more water I am human enough when AXA arrives. I've known AXA close to 8 years. The AXA I've got to know is so much more gentle and genuinely caring than the hard image she projected when I first met her. She enchants my friends.

We'd not agreed on whether people were allowed to know about us, so we pretend badly that we're not an item. Both friends admit today that they had guessed.

Feb 24 (Tue)  I am weak from lack of food for over 24 hours. I manage to eat a croissant at my desk that AXA had packed in my bag.

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I'm trying to tread careful, baby | 19 comments (19 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
How do you drink that much wine? by Imperial Mince (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:16:58 AM EST
If I drink more than a bottle, I'm more than likely to spend the next morning praying to the porcelain god, and trying to work out it blood or merlot that I'm offering. And the rest of the day waiting for my body to recover.

--
This space reserved for whining like a little bitch and being sanctimonious.
Well by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 4) #2 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:32:38 AM EST
I find that a couple of large vodkas beforehand help.

Also, practice.

[ Parent ]
Practice. by Phage (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:46:02 AM EST
One day you too may aspire to the levels of inebriation that are the preserve of the more experienced drinker.

[ Parent ]
Hmm by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:56:05 AM EST
I was going to say that 4 bottles between 2 people makes him a bit of a lightweight, unless he drank 3 and she had 1.

I know it's nothing to boast about but I can happily drink two and get up for work the next day - I try not to though.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
There's a defined threshold by Phage (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 05:06:41 AM EST
Two I can do. But it slows me down something terrible. As soon as I go over two, it's going to hurt. A lot.

[ Parent ]
My problem is by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 06:23:00 AM EST
That after the two bottles I'll have a "wee nip" (ahem) of whisky as a nightcap. I tend not to drink on work nights because I'm just not responsible enough.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
I once drank a bottle by myself by lm (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 12:41:04 PM EST
As an experiment. It was fortified wine. I was still buzzing the next day but the porcelain queen was not visited.

The only time I've chucked involving alcohol involved eating large quantities of greasy fleshmeats. I suspect the richness of the food had more to do with chunking than the booze.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
I'm trying by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:36:20 AM EST
but I think I need a crib sheet.
--
Glossary by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:45:03 AM EST
WPKAW = Woman Previously Know As Woman
AXA = Arty eX Analyst
ESoDX = Elder Sister of Dancer Ex
UniFriend = woman I lived with for two years at Uni
SoWPKAW = Sister of WPKAW
MoM = Mother of Midgets
DrX = Evil cohort of Dr H that makes him do bad things.

Not all appear in every episode of The Perils of Dr H0ffm4n.

[ Parent ]
I find it a bit easier to keep up by Phage (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:47:07 AM EST
After the first bottle of wine.

[ Parent ]
I regret by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:58:10 AM EST
 not keeping a diary most of the time WPKAW and I were together.

I'd like to be able to remember the humdrum stuff as well as the adventures.
And I need to get stuff out there. Some of it only makes sense once I've got it in writing.

[ Parent ]
Actually a very good idea by Phage (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 05:04:48 AM EST
If you carry a note pad (geek option: netbook), you could record it as the memories are triggered.
Very theraputic I would have thought. (IANAShrink)

[ Parent ]
Axa sounds just right for you by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 04:58:03 AM EST
Relax and have fun

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It's political correctness gone mad!

Seconded by kwsNI (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 05:04:45 AM EST
And ESoDX doesn't sound like it's the right thing.  In the words of Brett Michaels:  "We haven't even slept together and you're already going bipolar on me"

[ Parent ]
i heartily endorse this comment. by clock (4.00 / 2) #13 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 05:29:09 AM EST
please see sig.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Treading carefully is fine... by Metatone (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 07:05:23 AM EST
just keep on treading, that's my advice.


This is a slow start by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 07:41:05 AM EST
Maybe it will gather momentum. Maybe it will grind to a halt. AXA is already intimating at panic and thoughts of flight.

[ Parent ]
Yeah... by Metatone (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Feb 24, 2009 at 07:44:06 AM EST
Tricky times all round. Good luck, whatever happens...


[ Parent ]
WPKAW's aunt's cousin by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #19 Sun Mar 01, 2009 at 04:10:44 AM EST
Gordon Etherington-Smith

I'm trying to tread careful, baby | 19 comments (19 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback