Print Story Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn
Diary
By nightflameblue (Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 05:17:41 AM EST) (all tags)
(All alone)
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction
My confidence is leaving me on my own
(All alone)
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention

Tortured nights through shared experience.



I found myself running back to the beginning in the story last night, filling in a scene that's really the probable opening of the entire story when it comes right down to it. A tortured soul, worst day of his life, wondering where his friend is.

And I began to realize as I did a quick scan of it this morning that I'm beginning to fall in love with this story.

I suppose that's a danger when something of this nature finally strikes. At some point, you forget that you have to create quality and start seeing only the positives and have a hard time being critical enough to be negative. The thought of setting it aside and coming back later, something I've done with smaller works countless times to create separation and clear-headedness, frightens me. Like I'll forget the nearly movie-like quality of the visions I witness and miss details in second passes if I don't keep treading forward.

And the bigger fear looming - what happens when it's done?

Mrs. NFB asked me that the other day. She'd seen interviews with authors of best sellers and the like and they all seem to have a different perspective on that. Some of them say when they're finished with it they hate it, just want it to be over, like a horrible breakup. Some say they have a hard time just saying, "it's done" because they dwell so completely in the story during the work.

I have a feeling I'm going to go through a major bout of separation anxiety, like a parent sending a child off to college. When you pour your heart out into something every day, every free moment, for a period of time greater than a week or two, it begins to feel like it's a part of you. At this point, nearing the month mark since I first starting slapping together notes for this journey, seventy-thousand words behind me and several thousand more to come, something that, in many ways has been with me for almost twenty years, I don't know that I'll be able to give it up easily.

This fantasy, this other world, living in my head has so fully drawn me to it that the time I've spent there is beginning to feel a little bit like home.

Yet I know the time will come where the word "done" will ring out. I imagine it'll be a lot like the end of that scene last night, as she stood at his door, rain soaked, tired, and looking like a goddess in his eyes. Tears, joy, familiarity spilling into something other.

"I can't believe I left home."
"Are you going to go back?"
"No, I'm here now, with you."

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Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Misheard lyrics by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 06:05:37 AM EST
MBW thought that the lyric was:
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an erection

Ripper of a solo IMHO though; pretty innovative I think.

WRT the book - will you be farming it out to an editor first before publishing?  Might be a few hundred beer vouchers well spent, so I'm told.



Likely. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 06:27:09 AM EST
I've still got several levels of revision to make my way through before I get there, but I think having someone with a more critical and less love-struck eye look at it before it gets printed is going to be important.

Though at the same time that gives me the jitters. Like considering handing in a really important paper to be graded or something. But I can deal with that so long as I get some sort of result.

That song? Have you seen the video? Those boys know how to bring the weird in their videos.



[ Parent ]
Hmm, limit yourself to a couple of major edits by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 06:33:17 AM EST
Then push it to someone else I think.

IIRC, I linked that video in a diary last year :)

Currently listening to Annihilator's "Waking The Fury", which is taking me right back.


[ Parent ]
Not really the way I write. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 06:48:36 AM EST
I tend to script out movements and words first, then come back and add details and descriptions, then come back and fix any continuity errors that crop up because earlier scenes suddenly don't make sense in light of later ones, or the other way around, then come back and clean up the mess. So my self-editing tends to get pretty extensive even in little works.

This is no little work.

But as far as complete ground-up re-write type stuff, there won't be a lot of that. Only the scenes that ended up totally gutted as the story progressed.

Annihilator makes me think one thing - "ALice in hell"



[ Parent ]
Hmmm. by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 07:23:36 AM EST
Like painting the Forth Bridge then!


[ Parent ]
Or a car. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 08:06:11 AM EST
Sand, wipe, primer, wipe, basecoat, wipe color coat, sealer.

Yeah, just like that.



[ Parent ]
Ooops, UKiaism by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 09:25:52 AM EST
Urban myth that the Forth Bridge was so long and hard to paint, that by the time the painters had gone from one side to the next, it was time to restart again.


[ Parent ]
Ah, that makes sense. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 09:57:25 AM EST
Yeah, that would sort of fit too. Though there will eventually be an end to this.

[ Parent ]
Bookmarked! by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 11:51:22 AM EST
NFB:  Though there will eventually be an end to this. - 8th January 2009.


[ Parent ]
Let me set a target: by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Jan 08, 2009 at 12:17:35 PM EST
July. Beg. . .end of July.

There, that feels comfortable.

Then we can REALLY make fun of me come October.

My actual target: Printed by next Christmas.



[ Parent ]
Love that song by TPD (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Jan 09, 2009 at 04:54:50 AM EST
though it still gives me nightmares from the time I foolishly tried to cover it for an MFC entry


why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
I'll try and remember to give this a listen at by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Jan 09, 2009 at 05:39:00 AM EST
home.

But, yeah, wow. These guys know how to play, which is a nice change of pace after all the years of people blatantly showing off their inability to play. I don't know if I'd even try to nail some of their rhythms.



[ Parent ]
To be honest by TPD (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Jan 09, 2009 at 05:50:03 AM EST
all my version shows is I can't play (and I definitely can't sing ;) )


why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
[ Parent ]
Hey, neither can I. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Jan 09, 2009 at 05:55:57 AM EST
Doesn't stop me from posting stuff when I take the time to try though.

[ Parent ]
Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback