Print Story A Day in the Life
Working life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 03:28:16 AM EST) A Day in the Life, WTF, cow-orkers, fuckwits, pie (all tags)
Lock & Load

A new sign from some department here in the zoo has been hung everywhere: in the break rooms, kitchens, coffee corners, wherever monkeys may gather.


Includes poll
x-posted to da brog.



LOCK it
      Before
                You Leave IT

Followed by detailed instructions on how to give the three-key salute and which selection to make afterwards. Fucknuzzles.

The rest of the sign is devoted to bullet points about why this is important.

"Don't give others the chance to..." it begins.


  • Steal confidential / personal data
  • your ID and send e-mails
  • surf the web to inappropriate sites

Oh NOES! Surfing teh webs to inappropriate sites?? My fucking home page is ogrish. The first fucking button on my tab bar is stileproject. I pay for a newsfeed not for access to binaries groups but so that I have a decent feed for alt.tasteless. I'm the guy who trolled the entire floor into watching 2 girls 1 cup! How the fuck is anyone here going to find something more inappropriate than me?

And to which "others" are they referring anyway? Are we actually hiring shiftless fucktards who would actually do these things on their cow-orkers' machines? Fer realz??

A memo reminding us to brush and floss daily can't be far away.

In happier news, the creature inside Lassie's belly happily does interpretive dance for the camera, all 10cm of it merrily kicking away. Or spasming. We're not positive about this. Five digits on each paw so I'm a bit disappointed; I was hoping for 8 to make hexadecimal math easier. When the doc switched to 3D mode I told Lassie when she goes to whelp that SlightlyNaughtyPuppy must be male. The face looks just like my father's.

< Losing the lard | "Jinshin Jiko (Passenger Actions) & Sheep Looking for Wolves" >
A Day in the Life | 22 comments (22 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Three finger salute? by hulver (4.00 / 4) #1 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 03:31:19 AM EST
WindowsKey-L FTW.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
lock it by codemonkey uk (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 03:33:19 AM EST
Or someone will post to the office "general" forums asking if "anyone has that new Take That album" on your behalf.

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
[ Parent ]
crtl+alt+del -> enter by debacle (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 04:27:12 AM EST
Use of the windows key is unsanctioned and illicit.

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
Keyboard -> Punchcard by marvin (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 07:09:49 AM EST
Why only diss the Windows key when you can go right back to the Stone Age of computing? Or would a slide rule be more your style?

[ Parent ]
Whenever I'm gaming by debacle (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 08:13:27 AM EST
I hit the windows key and find myself on the desktop, so I disable them on any machines that I game on.

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
A couple weeks ago by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 05:35:17 AM EST
The campus got a spam/fishing email from "webmail@kumc.edu" asking everyone to email in their usernames and passwords. 60 people in the KC offices replied to this email. 60. Hell we had two down here in Wichita.

Users are morons. They'd use hotel "Do Not Disturb" signs as a secure screen saver if they were ever bright enough to remember to steal them.


Why not... by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 07:02:16 AM EST
Just have everyone set their screen saver to lock...
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
IT does that for us. by garlic (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 09:07:44 PM EST
It's a little more important on some of our PCs.


[ Parent ]
a few jobs ago by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 07:28:34 AM EST
people would pounce on unattended, unlocked keyboards and send embarrassing emails "from" that account. You couldn't go to the water cooler and come back before someone had sent a quick love letter from your email account.

I bet the CIA has more people leaving their screen unlocked then in that office.

The "business" workers were way quicker and crueler about it then the techies, oddly enough.

This is Germany. by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 12:55:46 PM EST
We don't do that sort of thing.

Well, they don't do that sort of thing. I have been known to play the odd prank, be it switching the mouse to be left-handed or once taking a screenshot of the desktop, setting the  start bar to "hide", shoving all the actual icons into a folder elsewhere, then setting the screenshot as the background picture. That was pretty fucking borderline but since I did it to a buddy I got a pass.

The only acceptable way to send E-Mails from someone else is to do so by hacking the server somehow. When your software doesn't check sources and will accept any other plugged-in LDAP server claiming to be a member, you've found a hole big enough to drive a planet through. It was fun to be $BigCorp's CEO for a few hours. Spending hours writing up the bug and conf-calling to fix it, not so much.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
you know you're uptight by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 03:09:08 PM EST
when the Canadians are comparatively wild and crazy.

[ Parent ]
Wow, just fuckng wow by LinDze (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 08:20:42 PM EST
I assume you told them LDAP was a directory protocol, not a security method? I mean fuck, I know my company is fucking dumb but at least we use Kerberos the right way*.

*Well, mostly right.

-Lin Dze
Arbeit Macht Frei

[ Parent ]
Prepare yourself. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 08:11:34 AM EST
The best office memorandum we ever had was the long letter hung on each bathroom door detailing precisely how to wash your hands. And I mean DETAILING. It gave counts, in seconds, for how long to scrub, then how long to rinse, each individual digit on your hands. And how to dry properly without re-contaminating. And how to open the door without touching the handle.

We're a wood-working shop.

We tried automatic lock-downs on the workstations. Got complaints from idiots on the floor that can't remember their passwords. Management sided with the idiots.



I work in a hospital. by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 06:56:31 AM EST

I've had more than one hand washing tutorial. With demonstrations and a participation section.

Imagine twenty staff members crammed into a bathroom, washing their hands one at a time and being critiqued on performance while trying to avoid standing directly beneath the auto-release room freshener spray.

It's up there on the list of Most Surreal Things I Have Done.



[ Parent ]
Wow. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 07:02:28 AM EST
But at least it's a hospital, where hand-washing really will matter.

Here people spend half their day covered in paint. Not really sure how important that hand-washing is when you're going to be covered in deadly chemicals two minutes later.



[ Parent ]
It doesn't matter how well you wash your hands by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 09:39:27 AM EST
when a patient is inevitably going to puke on your shoes and put their unwashed hands all over every available surface, after first removing them from a miscellaneous bodily orifice and possibly sniffing them, the better to complete your demoralisation.

[ Parent ]
I'm tempted to make a crass comment. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 09:56:00 AM EST
But something tells me I don't want to go there.

[ Parent ]
And yet by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 10:03:04 AM EST
the patients always do.

[ Parent ]
I'll take it as a good sign by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 11:04:35 AM EST
that I don't fit that mold then.

[ Parent ]
The plus side by sugar spun (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 11:30:36 AM EST
is that most things that people can do to themselves really don't bother me.

When you've seen a patient do a taste test on matter from every orifice of her body and rank them in order of taste, there's very little that's utterly sickening.

(Should you be interested, the contents of the ear apparently rank lower than those of the ass. I didn't get it, but then I've never performed the taste test.)

[ Parent ]
*OPENS MOUTH* by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 12:33:21 PM EST
*CLOSES MOUTH*

*WALKS AWAY*



[ Parent ]
How ironic by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri Jan 30, 2009 at 01:07:31 AM EST
Most people are happy to stick their tongues in their lover's ears but mention rimming and you can easily find yourself alone, spending the rest of the evening on the interwebs. I'll never understand people.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life | 22 comments (22 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback