Print Story It's really just a series of moments.
Diary
By nightflameblue (Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 04:40:23 AM EST) (all tags)

Those moments that bind us, pull us, tie us together. They're stupid, and dumb, and trivial and just plain irrelevant to the rest of the world. Once we're gone, they mean nothing to anyone, our memories of them their only significance.



Those first tentative, silly feeling touches, those ridiculous overtures towards each other, each leading and bleeding into the next.

The scary contemplation of rejection before you push yourself to ask, "can I put my arm around you?" The comfort as you realize they wanted you to ask.

First hug. First kiss. First time she whispers, "stay with me."

I remember all those moments, though many are long past.

The way the wind blew her red hair around her face on our wedding day as we said our vows. The feeling of pride, of comfort, of complete and utter joy.

My mother screaming to the families when she caught us kissing in the basement. Us not caring and not even stopping to tell her to shut up.

Making it only a little over an hour away from town on our honeymoon before we had to stop and have our way with each other.

Colorado, three times, a little cabin in the woods. Hours spent supposedly watching wrestling or soaps, but really just spent in quiet contemplation of each other. Or, sometimes, not so quiet.

The walk through the woods by Estes Park, talking about how we'd like to have our ashes scattered here. Finding comfort in the place, happiness with each other.

Changing her car's tire in that pizza parking lot while she watched. The admiration in her eyes when she kissed me for it.

Scratching each other's bodies in the soft glow of the television, more concerned with the flesh beneath our fingertips than the silly lights and sounds.

Holding hands by the river, watching water ripple past rocks and sand. The little bird we took pictures of watching us closely, as if wondering why we smiled so brightly.

The awkward first advances. When she forgot she was chewing gum and it ended up stuck all over my ear and neck. Her necklace caught in my teeth. Her turning too suddenly and elbowing me in the face as I approached her to kiss her back. Her screaming in the night in some dream of stupid anger, "Listen up you son of a bitch" and me laughing at the words, "and shove it in the bald spot."

Watching her sleep, when I come to bed after her. The slow rhythm of the sheets as she breaths, her hair so gorgeous as the soft lamp picks up blond highlights beneath the reds.

These moments, they're nothing to anyone but us. To me? They're everything that matters.

To have that, to be aware of it? It's a beautiful, wonderful thing.

And that is my magic.

What is yours?

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It's really just a series of moments. | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Best sleep-talking story... by ana (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 04:54:30 AM EST
I rolled over once, and toxicfur said, "Lie down. See? Rocky's a good dog."

She has no memory of this.

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

Mine by Phage (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 05:02:26 AM EST
I woke my ex and told her not to worry as I had put the fire out.
(Then fell back into a deep slumber.)

[ Parent ]
Sleep talk is awesome. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 05:05:34 AM EST
Dad used to talk about squirrel ropes. Every night, squirrel ropes. To this day he has no idea what a squirrel rope is.

Apparently I talk to someone called Zimak some nights. No idea who he/she is.

Mrs. NFB is good for lots of entertainment in the night.

"That giant cheese."
"What giant cheese, sweetie."
"It's right there. That giant cheese."
"I don't see it, hun. Where?"
"Right in front of the house. It's RIGHT THERE. It's a GIANT FREAKIN' CHEESE! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE IT?"

That conversation can go on for hours if I let it. She never seems to wake up, though I've woken up in the middle of it several times with her.

What can I say? My sweetie likes her cheese.



[ Parent ]
You donb't know who Zimak is? by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 05:37:41 AM EST
He's the God of Third Rate Metal Bands. He bears the Ultimate Responsibility for Pantera Fans In Love.

No idea why you talk to him. What do you say?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I have never seen that before. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 05:49:06 AM EST
According to Mrs. NFB, I just sort of chat with him about my day. Like I'm hanging in some bar with a buddy or something.

Maybe he's disappointed in me that I haven't gotten my third rate metal band going yet, and he's probing me to find out if he can push me in that direction?



[ Parent ]
Plaiting squirrels by Phage (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 05:48:57 AM EST
Not for kids.

[ Parent ]
I don't remember most of the time by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 06:07:37 AM EST
Every so often I catch a glimpse as a memory flashes by. I try to grasp hold of the memory, fleeting as it is. My hopes and heart rise for a moment and then it's gone and grief fills the space left again. I remember so little if I try and recall what it was like, what it was really like from minute to minute. Maybe I didn't pay attention. Maybe my mind has decided it best forgotten rather than face the constant reminders of what has passed and can never be again. I look at pictures now and I know I know the girl in the picture. I can name her and tell you who she was. But I no longer recognise her.

I've read your diaries on the subject. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #8 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 07:01:11 AM EST
And I feel immensely for you.

I've wondered from time to time what that would be like. I don't wonder for long, it's too frightening a thought.

I'm blessed and cursed with a weird sort of semi-photographic memory when it comes to moments with people I care about. I can replay our first date in my head almost minute by minute. I can reach back sometimes to first dates with others. It's good sometimes. Sometimes, not so much.



[ Parent ]
Cherish the good times by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 11:56:37 AM EST
I realise now just how valuable they are.

[ Parent ]
I do, believe me. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 12:00:10 PM EST
I'm lucky enough to know what I've got, and appreciate it.

[ Parent ]
Once, while I was half asleep, by komet (2.00 / 0) #9 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 09:22:03 AM EST
I discovered the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything (no it wasn't 42 you fucks). Anyway, I told my girlfriend in great detail and urged her to remember it for me. She promised to do so. The next morning I asked her what I had told her during the night and she had forgotten. Needless to say, we are no longer together.



--
<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
That reminds me. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #10 Fri Jan 23, 2009 at 09:25:06 AM EST
Mrs. NFB has had a few medical procedures where she's been put under. When she comes out, she always talks about these huge equations that she's working on solving. She's convinced that if she can complete these equations she'll have solved the universe and know all the mysteries. Not mysteries of a certain thing, all of them.

She's still trying to find a way to get put under for a full day or more to see if she can finish those equations.



[ Parent ]
It's really just a series of moments. | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback