Before I got to the point, I told her that Welsh Girl's parents were coming into town in a few weeks and wanted to know if we could all get together and have dinner. She thought it was a nice idea. Then I got to the point.
I told her that even though she and I have never had the best relationship, I didn't mean to keep her away from my child. If they have a great relationship, that's great. And I want her to have as much or as little time with the child as she would like. But as far as I am concerned, the child will have two grandmothers in Austin, her and the other mother. I didn't think that she would like what I was saying, but I needed her to understand and live with it because I don't want any weirdness about it around the child. Sure, one day I would probably have to explain it but I wouldn't have any bad feelings about it around the little one.
My mother (to her credit) sat quietly and listened to what I had to say. Her response was better than I had expected. She quietly looked at me and said that I had told her the worst thing she had ever been told in her life. She said that I was wrong (in the "you are totally wrong" sense) and that blood is thicker than water. Most of all, she didn't understand how someone else should deserve the same standing as her. What if she told me that someone else was going to be treated just like her son and held in higher regard than me, she asked. Lastly, she said (and this bit kinda shocked me) that it's my child and if that's what I want she'll abide by it, it's my business because it's my child.
I listened quietly and made no reply. She acquiesced to my request and I decided to leave it at that. I could give her a litany of reasons why I feel the way I do. We all make decisions and she will have to live with some of the ones she has made just as much as I will have to. But that's not what matters. What matters is that, Jeebus willin' and the crick don' rise, when my little Despotes or Despoina comes into this world, at least some of the crap that exists between my family and I will be, if not resolved and buried, at least out and in the open and not interfering with my child's happiness. That's the hope anyway.
I expect that I'll get some bitching and griping and a little passive aggressive crap for a few months. I may even get a call from my aunt in Colorado about this decision but I doubt that because mom knows I like my aunt better than her and she wouldn't want to give that. We'll see. In the end, I'm more sure that's she'll be happier to be a grandmother than being pissed at me. Or not...
And that's all I have to say about that.
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