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Working life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 09:47:48 AM EST) A Day in the Life, WTF, training, Oracle, databases, Citrix, fuckwits, pie (all tags)
I CAN HAZ TRANEING

"Dog, your training has been approved."
"Citrix? Finally??"
"No, Oracle. DBA path.
"Umm... "

Poll: Preferred database
x-posted to da brog.



We have a dozen DBAs in the office. While acquiring this skill wouldn't hurt my chances for advancement (because they're already hovering slightly below zero) and would even give me m4d sk1llz to go elsewhere, I'd really prefer the Citrix training because no one else fucking does it here! I'm already stuck with every Citrix problem there is and it would be nice to have a fucking clue about what it is I'm doing.

More importantly an increasing number of our customers want to use Citrix. We have an ever-growing number of contracts which are dependent on getting $OurBigApp to work on Citrix. Fucking hell, Citrix is now doing Xen which, like, you know, we're doing too!

"Why can't I have the Citrix training?"
"Because it's unsupported," Meathead replied.
"It's unsupported because no one knows how to do it or has any contacts there."
"I understand."
"And if you send me to that training, we'll will have someone -- me -- who can work with it and help out Eng and PM so that we can support it."
"But it's not supported now and so we can't send you."
"The fucking Oracle training is twice the fucking price of Citrix'! We have dozens of Oracle DBAs worldwide!"
"We also have a deal with Oracle training so it's not the list price."
"But we don't need more DBAs."
"So you don't want the training?"

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

"Of course I want the fucking training! Beggars can't be choosers. So is it PL/SQL or DB tuning?"
"Professional Introduction to the Oracle 10g Database"
"NO WAI!"
"Yep."
"Why? I've been working with databases for the past 8 years! I know how to fucking SELECT a goddamned row!"
"Oracle's path requires the course. You can't take the next ones without the certificate from this one."
"Son of a bitch."

Considering the rate that training is approved around here, I'll get certified to "Oracle Master" some time before the turn of the century. They really better hurry up with this anti-aging shit.

SELECT standard_complaint FROM blog WHERE (INSTR('17') > 0);

< ``It's been a long time since I saw someone check their blind spot before merging onto the freeway'' | I can has cheezcat >
A Day inthe Life | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Suggestion by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 09:53:02 AM EST
  1. Take the free training.
  2. Get another job.
  3. Profit!

---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
But it's the useless intro training by gzt (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 10:25:09 AM EST
And it will be years before he gets the next course in the sequence.

[ Parent ]
by which time by FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 01:29:33 PM EST
they'll require him to re-take the intro training because some minuscule part of the intro training has changed ever so slightly.

[ Parent ]
Heh by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 10:58:29 AM EST
"Why can't I have the Citrix training?"
"Because it's unsupported," Meathead replied.
"It's unsupported because no one knows how to do it or has any contacts there."
"I understand."
"And if you send me to that training, we'll will have someone -- me -- who can work with it and help out Eng and PM so that we can support it."
"But it's not supported now and so we can't send you."

That's a hell of a catch, that Catch-22.

You picked up on that, huh? by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 11:03:18 AM EST
I got word I now have to do 30 tickets missions before I can go home.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
If I could give this comment a 4 I would by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 11:29:09 AM EST
Also, you'd have to be crazy do do 30 tickets missions.

[ Parent ]
It was 30 this afternoon. by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 01:06:59 PM EST
It's now 34.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
You clearly have no grasp of business priorities by Herring (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 01:36:44 PM EST
This is why you will never get anywhere.

It's clear to anyone with any nous that given a choice between keeping/gaining customers and sticking to corporate standards (set by fuck knows who, fuck knows when) which is more important.

The number of times I've had the conversation:
"NT4 is not supported here at Pre-Crap-Corp"
"This is shrink wrapped software we're building here, it doesn't just run at PCC"
"Well the users are just going to have to comply with our standards"
"You want us to dictate IT policy to the largest life insurance companies in Europe?"

and the modern version:
"Sorry, you cannot install Firefox. Our standard browser is IE6"
"But we're building a customer-facing website"
"Our standard browser is IE6"

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

Arrogance by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 01:59:06 PM EST
MEGACORP HAZ IT!1lol

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
DB by TPD (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 02:08:00 AM EST
Hmmmm I mainly work with Oracle, SQL Server and firebird... after a while their limitations begin to fuck you off in pretty much equal measure.

But on balance I'd probably go with Oracle as a preference if I could just stick with one!

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM

WIPO: Versant [n/t] by Herring (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 10:37:29 AM EST


christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
I hate databases by dark nowhere (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 04:20:12 PM EST
Which is a shame, because I've got 8 or 10 years of DBA experience, but maybe that's the reason.

All you can do is take the training. :/

Chill out, snowflake.

Probably by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 11:19:48 PM EST
I have so much hatred for my current world that I've managed a couple hundred blogs in the past 2.5 years about it. Just imagine all the new hatred and bile I could come up with were I to leave software support and become a DBA.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
DBA can be like software support by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 11:43:19 PM EST
but the software is a database and its contents. If anyone else is allowed to touch or come near said database, it's pure hell.

OTOH, when I only had to deal with the database as a database, that wasn't quite so bad. When I was dealing with a database because I also wrote the software client involved, I never had any problems.

Chill out, snowflake.

[ Parent ]
Seems more like a cross between BOFH & support by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #15 Sat Jul 05, 2008 at 02:30:45 AM EST
I was, am and always will be a BOFH at heart. From my first industry job as a mainframe SYSOP (fuck I'm old!) to the $MegaCorp hack I am today. Do you think Oracle will ever release a DBA version or add-on module with features like auto-expiry of GRANT [permissions]? That would rock.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Two words: by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #16 Sat Jul 05, 2008 at 06:46:04 AM EST
cron job.

BOFH is the spirit. Sadly, customers. I have this complex where I can't be mean to people I don't know. But I'm moving farther and farther from customers as time goes on, so there's hope.

Chill out, snowflake.

[ Parent ]
A Day inthe Life | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback