Print Story Shake Like You Mean It
Ranting
By Gedvondur (Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:22:13 AM EST) Manners, Shaking, Proper Technique (all tags)
Okay here's a tip.  This tip isn't just for the men, but they are the gender I shouldn't have to remind about this anyway.  But dammit I do.


When you shake somebody's hand, do it like you mean it.  Nothing is worse than an improper handshake.  Get this right.

First, hands should be warm, clean, and preferably dry.  If you can't get the last two done, politely defer the handshake until you can get a wash or a dry, depending on your needs.  I don't want to have to quietly wipe your perspiration off my hand when you turn away. Nor do I want to clean my hand when we are done either.

Second, for fuck's sake, DON'T grab my fingers and give a little bob.  That's NOT how it's done.  All it tells me is that your Daddy didn't show you the basics or that you are a timid little wimp who is afraid of human contact.

In order to acheive a good handshake, follow this simple advice:  For a good handshake, the area between thumb and fore-finger (lets call it the hand taint) should contact the hand taint of the other person.  This makes sure there is no sissy finger shaking going on.

The grip should be firm, but not too hard.  This isn't fucking grade school where we see who can dish the most crushing grip.  That's bullshit.  Save it for the playground.

The shake should be firm, but not jarring.  Don't make anybody's head bob when you shake.  This is particularly important when shaking hands with the a woman or someone substantially smaller than you.  It's frightening to them and impolite to jerk them around.  I think that's why so many women give the awful "fingers" handshake.

For someone you particularly care about, or want to convey extra sincerity, it is permissible to bring the opposite hand up and grip the forearm of the other person during the brief shaking.  That grip should be firm as well, but not too hard and the duration of this kind of shake should be one or two good shakes and then done.

Here's a tip for the ladies.  Follow these rules too.  I have mucho respect for a woman who actually knows how to shake a hand, rather than just wimpily squeeze my fingers.  It conveys confidence and will help put yourself on equal footing with the man you are addressing, especially if he's a bit of a Neanderthal. 

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Shake Like You Mean It | 29 comments (29 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
May I add. . . by nightflameblue (4.00 / 4) #1 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:25:23 AM EST
learn the art of the single shake. Nothing's worse than shaking then trying to let go only to find your moron shake-partner decided it's time to play up-down for half an hour. If I had time for that, I wouldn't be doing it with you and your hand.

Though sometimes a two-shaker is needed by gzt (4.00 / 2) #2 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:32:39 AM EST
It's like two-button vs three-button suit. Neither one is "correct", but sometimes it just seems right to do one and not the other. You have to play it by ear.

[ Parent ]
IAWTAP n/t by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:40:58 AM EST

"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz
[ Parent ]
Two I can handle. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #18 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 10:54:38 AM EST
Once you get past three you'd better be liquored up or I'm gonna suspect you A) have a crush on me or B) had some sort of stroke caused you to forget what you were doing.

[ Parent ]
Warm? by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:54:03 AM EST
I realize that we all have magical powers that enable us to readjust the temperature of our extremities at will, among other things, but Satan hates it when I bother him with trifles.

Seriously though, for people who are going to have cold hands, there's basically nothing they can do about it. Even the magical method mentioned above takes a few minutes.

Chill out, snowflake.

First in a list of three by gzt (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:59:29 AM EST
And he mentioned only the last two as requiring remedy before engaging in a handshake. Warmth is desirable, but not necessary, while moist or dirty handshakes are unacceptable.

[ Parent ]
Exactly n/t by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:16:19 AM EST

"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz
[ Parent ]
It just seems stupid to mention is all by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:36:18 AM EST
I mean, it's outstandingly obvious that it's preferable, and it's also tremendously insignificant in contrast to things labelled faux pas.

Chill out, snowflake.

[ Parent ]
I disagree by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #23 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 02:01:25 PM EST
There is considerable significance socially to cold hands.  Mind you it is a much less faux pas than dirty or clammy hands.

For instance, look at It's A Wonderful Life when George Baily shakes Mr. Potter's hand and then examines his hand, slick with cold sweat.

Or even the Eagles lyric, although it is in a different context.

"And it breaks her heart to think her love is
Only given to a man with hands as cold as ice"

Cold hands are considered in culture to be a sign that the person lacks warmth in the emotional sense or that they are indifferent to others.

I know that doesn't make perfect sense, but there it is.  It does have an effect, albeit a small one.

Gedvondur

"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz

[ Parent ]
Except by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #26 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 02:36:06 PM EST
Weaksauce by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #27 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 02:40:13 PM EST
The saying, cold hands, warm heart is a decent enough counter to the emotional argument. I mean, I could just as easily posit the opposite. Personally, I've heard the warm heart saying quite a lot, and never anything opposite.

As an added bonus, the saying is literally true. People with generally cold hands do so because they have a higher core temperature.

Chill out, snowflake.

[ Parent ]
In general I totally agree by ks1178 (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:58:32 AM EST
But there's nothing better than the look on someone's face when you stare them straight in the eyes and stick your hand out for a proper handshake. Then just leave it there completely limp while they do the shaking.

Well by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #9 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:17:33 AM EST
I don't know about the completely limp part, but I do agree about looking them in the eyes.  That should be on the procedure as well.

Gedvondur
"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz

[ Parent ]
Try it sometime by ks1178 (4.00 / 1) #11 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:30:36 AM EST
on a good friend, or family member (like an uncle or a nephew, or a sister's new boyfriend that you want to make uncomfortable at first).

Particularily one that likes to make jokes, or put people in semi-akward situations for others amusements.

Since they're used to you shaking well and properly, they'll look like a deer in head lights, with no clue on how to react.

Just make sure not to break out smiling and laughing too soon.

[ Parent ]
There's a song lyric in there somewhere. by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #16 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 10:36:03 AM EST
"with the club tie, the firm handshake, the sudden look in the eye, and the easy smile..."

Something like that.


--
Has anybody seen my clue? I know I had it when I came in here.

[ Parent ]
so sorry 'bout that by sasquatchan (4.00 / 3) #6 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 08:58:41 AM EST
see, it's fish friday, so I've been pounding the scales off, and, well, you came around to meet up.

The smell will go away after a day or two, sorry about the clamminess and slippery fingers.


Fish Friday by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:18:10 AM EST
Respects a strong handshake!

Gedvondur
"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz

[ Parent ]
Hear, hear! by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #12 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:32:39 AM EST
As an addendum from a woman, I want to add that just because I have breasts doesn't mean that you should shake my hand like I'll break. I hate that crap -- if there's a need for you to shake my hand, shake my hand. The other bullshit just pisses me off.
--
To Rollins lesbians are like cuddly pandas: cute, exotic, forest-dwelling, dangerous when riled and unable to produce offspring without assistance.-CRwM
It's just that it's rare by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #17 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 10:39:44 AM EST
for women to let me touch them at all, so I don't get a lot of practice....

Actually, I once did a women's defense class where one of the student's mother was, pardon the phrase, quite the hottie. One of the basic lessons was on not accidentally creating a hostile situation by over-reacting to an innocently(?) over-attentive male. She showed us that by grabbing the guy's hand to shake, then keeping it, or even holding it in both hands, she could maintain a lot more personal space than other wise.

--
Has anybody seen my clue? I know I had it when I came in here.

[ Parent ]
Re: personal space -- by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #21 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 11:43:03 AM EST
Absolutely. I've found that if I take the initiative to firmly shake a man's hand (especially the alpha men I sometimes have to deal with in meetings for my job), I get much more respect than if I just so hello or wait for him to shake my hand. However, I don't really like touching people that much, so I don't hold on more than I have to.
--
To Rollins lesbians are like cuddly pandas: cute, exotic, forest-dwelling, dangerous when riled and unable to produce offspring without assistance.-CRwM
[ Parent ]
Proper etiquette by ad hoc (4.00 / 4) #25 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 02:35:07 PM EST
dictates that the woman offers her hand. A man should never expect that a woman wants to be touched and so should always wait for her hand to be offered. Otherwise he should just bow, nod, or tip his hat.
--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
[ Parent ]
VSTFP +1 by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 09:55:58 AM EST

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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
re: off-handed grippy thing by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #15 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 10:08:49 AM EST
If you clasp the back of the receiver's right hand, instead of the forearm, the receiver is immediately allowed to viciously rake your shin with the outside edge of his/her shoe, with no penalty.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

But.. but... by greyshade (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 11:19:39 AM EST
I just wanted to hold hands... =(

"The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface
[ Parent ]
//SHIN RAKE EXECUTED// by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #22 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 12:09:16 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Wow by Clipper Ship (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 11:33:48 AM EST
You're pretty focused on shaking hands. Is there a magazine I can subscribe to about this?

---------------

Destroy All Planets

I suppose by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Jul 25, 2008 at 02:05:01 PM EST
I could come up with one for ya.

Gedvondur
"If you do not sin, then you too may some day float like a big pink Goodyear blimp of The Lord." -theboz

[ Parent ]
Definitely shake it... by CountSpatula (4.00 / 1) #28 Sat Jul 26, 2008 at 12:47:31 PM EST
...like a Polaroid picture!

--
Organics.
"I've never been more afraid of a diary comment EVAR." - RapidHamster
2 handed shake by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #29 Mon Jul 28, 2008 at 01:41:16 AM EST
That one is very culturally dependent, even if you know the other person well. Certainly in a business context, I'd avoid it, even for conveying sincerity. It can convey attempted dominance just as easily without you realising it.

Shake Like You Mean It | 29 comments (29 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback