Print Story I R MASTAH CHEPH!
Diary
By nightflameblue (Fri Jun 27, 2008 at 04:41:13 AM EST) (all tags)
I made me some from-scratch tortillas last night. They weren't half bad.

Also, since my Netflix reviews will be purged like a little bitch soon, you all get to suffer with what I would have written there.



Mrs. NFB picked up some Masa blahdedablah blah stuff last weekend to make some corn bread. It was spectacular.

However, having the Masa schtuffidyduffduff in the house meant I've been going, "corn flour->tortillas" in my head ever since.

Last night, after much research and the indignity of having the best salsa in town in our fridge and absolutely NOTHING to eat it with, I girded up and got down to bidness.

Rule 1: Fuck the recipe.

According to the recipe on the bag, 2 Cups of the corn flour, 1 1/4 cups of water, and a quarter tsp salt would make sixteen large tortillas. I didn't want to experiment with sixteen large tortillas, and instead tried to scale back their recipe to 1/4 cup corn flour, and, uh, however much it was of water. Which made a neat paste that could probably be used to hang wallpaper, but sucked as far as being a dough was concerned.

So, skipping what knowledge the bag imparted on me, I just added more corn flour until it felt right to me, salted, then kneaded the crap out of it until it was all solid feeling. I went extremely dry by the time it was done. Made little balls out of it, then squished them between cutting boards lined with wax paper. Tossed them into the big skillet we got and . . .

Burnt. Horribly. That damn skillet could burn anything with the burner set to barely open.

So, despite the fact that the INTARWEBS told me electric griddles could never get warm enough to properly cook tortillas, I got out the electric griddle, set it to 400 F, and left the room for twenty minutes to let it warm up. Came back, slapped a floppy on it, waited until I could slide it around with my fingers easily, flipped it, waited again until I could slide it around easily, then took it off and tested it.

Perfection.

The secret to cooking most anything is not perfectly following recipes and advice, but finding your own way. It drives Mrs. NFB insane to watch me cook because I don't just blindly go where I'm supposed to, but try this, then try that, then try this, until I find it. Last night, she stayed out of the kitchen until I was finished. I hand her one of the completed product and she pronounced it full of awesome and win and told me I was allowed to make them again.

Now to find a good way to fry them for chips. w00t! Fresh from an oil bath, sprinkled with that white cheddar powder stuff I got for popcorn? I may just have a meltdown. But at least it'd be a GOOD meltdown.

BREAK

We watched The Condemned a couple nights back. It's a WWE film, starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Texas Rattlesnake. The Bionic Redneck. (They only used one of his names in the movie.)

First off, let me say it straight up: This movie was far better than I expected. I was expecting Running Man in the jungle and ruins. What I got instead was a very interesting action movie with a neat bit of commentary about society's obsession with violence while always pointing the finger at violence as the great corrupter.

Taken from another perspective, this movie felt like Vince McMahon confessing his sins, while at the same time making sure we were all aware we have as much to do with his promotion of violence as he does. A bit preachy in moments, but still a valid point.

The basic plot is simple. A dude gets an idea to broadcast on the internet a competition between death row inmates. Ten people dropped on an island. In twenty four hours, if one survives, they get to go free, with a boatload of money promised to them.

The movie did an incredibly good job of taking ten death row inmates and plotting out good and bad people from those inmates. There were women there, one independent, one married to one of the other inmates. And somewhere amongst all the rape, murder, battles and explosions (did I forget to mention the exploding anklets?), there's actually a human element to the story that quite surprised me.

Now, you're not going to convince me to go watch Eye-Scream Man, oh, sorry, they changed that name to See No Evil, nor will you tell me that anything starring John Cena, i.e. The Marine could be all that entertaining, but as far as films produced by a wrestling company go, I was shocked with how good this turned out.

I watched the movie to see an old character I enjoyed in the wrestling world. What I got instead was a very, very good action movie. If you like action, and don't mind a bit of a morality play involved in it, you'd enjoy it. Even if you weren't aware of the autobiographical nature of the boss in charge of the main event.

Line of the movie: "It sounds like you had a tough life."

"Yeah."

"Good thing it's over."

Recommended.

Outz.

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I R MASTAH CHEPH! | 3 comments (3 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I like my cornmeal and flour homemade by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Jun 27, 2008 at 04:51:46 AM EST
tortillas, they may not be authentic, but they're tasty, and my mom made similar ones growing up.


When possible. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Jun 27, 2008 at 05:43:26 AM EST
I prefer homemade on almost anything food wise. It allows you more options. Though sometimes there isn't enough time in the day to make everything from scratch.

[ Parent ]
I blame beer by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Jun 27, 2008 at 10:49:57 AM EST

I keep reading "CHEPH" as if it was Russian.

I R MASTAH CHEPH! | 3 comments (3 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback