I might be a bit better, but light -- especially sunlight, even filtered through clouds -- is extraordinarily painful. It's hard to explain -- it feels like my eyes are exploding backwards into my skull. My eyes water, my nose drips, and I have great difficulty holding my eyes open in the light.
This makes stuff like, say, everything I enjoy doing pretty much impossible. Even with the computer screen dimmed, the blurriness of my vision (apparently, the infection has made the cornea rough, especially over my pupils, thus causing the blurriness). Reading hurts because I need light on the page to read. Gardening is painful because of the fucking day star. The tv is too bright.
Yesterday afternoon, I lay on the couch with my eyes closed, listening to the new David Sedaris audiobook. That makes me not such great company. Ana reassures me that it's okay, but it isn't, really. This was ana's birthday weekend, and all I want to do is sit around in the dark and moan softly.
Also, yesterday was Father's Day. I miss my grandfather. It's "holidays" like Father's Day that only serve to make me maudlin, focusing on what I don't have.
At least Friday night was fun. We almost never do anything spontaneous. Sometimes we'll go out to a movie spontaneously on Saturday afternoon or something, but that's about it. So when ad hoc suggested meeting for a couple of drinks, my first impulse was "not tonight," but then I was like, why not? And it was great. We need to do stuff like that more often.
Today is ana's birthday, and I wrapped up all the gifts except the shoes. I feel bad that the shoe-buying experience wasn't great. I really want all of these celebratory things to be perfect, but something always happens to keep it from being perfect. There's nothing I could've done to make it better, I think, except for yelling at the clerk. I hope the shoes really are good enough, and that ana's happy with them.
The other things were small -- coffee from an online service ana had mentioned wanting to try, a new coffee carafe that's supposed to keep stuff hot for, like two days, a Wendy Carlos instructional cd, and a card from the dogs and cat. And then dinner tonight at the Duck Walk -- one of the best Thai restaurants in our little suburban area. It's pricy enough that we don't go there except for special occasions, but it's worth it.
In other news, my tomatoes, peppers, and pole beans are growing. The tomatoes and peppers are blooming, and the tomatoes will need to be staked soon, I think. My rose bush has blooms, but some of the leaves are turning tan and have holes in them. I don't know what's eating them. Aphids, probably, since the boxwood hedges in the back of our house (away from the rose bush and the tomatoes, but still) are absolutely covered. The cloud of aphids on the patio looks like some sort of drug-induced hallucination from A Scanner Darkly. I need to do research to find out how to get rid of them (import ladybugs? non-toxic pesticide? magic?).
Also, I want to spend some of my Mondays off this summer hiking and maybe renting a boat from the Spot Pond boating thing. Later in the summer, I'll need to can tomatoes and chilis. Hopefully, by then, I'll be able to see.
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