Print Story He said you must be joking son, where *did* you get those shoes?
Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 05:13:37 AM EST) Plasma (all tags)
The B.A.D.tm

Selling plasma for grocery money since 2008...



Right.

So Friday last I'm down at the clinic selling some plasma and I gaze oer yon at the car dealership next to the Free (like mp3's and NPR) clinic and I see this little red car sitting there, all lonely and whatnot. I decide to coast the 86 Escort over there (since it was downhill from the clinic ya know) to have a look-see at it since, well, the 86 Escort, while probably the best car ever made, has seen better days. This short little curvy blonde saleslady comes over to me and I try to tell her "I'm just looking blah blah blah" but she had great tits she puts some kind of spell on me and the next thing you know I'm driving off the lot with a brand new 1997 Chevy Nova!! I got a good deal too, only 475 plasma payments and she'll be all mine!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

1997 Chevy Nova

I know what you're thinking, like, uh, Bob ol buddy, like, shouldn't you like get a job or something, so you can pay your bills, cause, like, your body can only make so much plasma and you're correct of course. I can't deny you that. Right-O. In fact I've been sending out resumes and networking (I told the waitress at Trader Jacks to be on the lookout for me for any six figure jobs that she might hear about) and all that, so fear not, my favourite imaginary pals, gainful employment is surely just oer the horizon! In the meantime I figure I can make a few extra bucks by selling crack to teenagers and stealing the copper from abandoned houses around here since, well, 98% of the houses in Clevia are abandoned right now! BWUAHAHAHHAHAHA!

In other news we bar-eh-queued salmon, chicken breasts, and cheeseburgers weekend last, all of which came out just great. Please to feel free to offer up your favourite grilling ideas!

In yet more other news my Fantasy Baseball team is mired in second place. I know I know, many people out there who own make believe baseball teams would be thrilled to be in second place, but gall darnit, I want to WIN. WIN WIN WIN. I want to crush my opponents and make them sorry they ever invited me to join their make believe league. I want them to suffer. I want to cast a plague of locusts on their sorry pathetic lives!! I want their family members and neighbours to suffer too!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

NG has been dragging me off to Mass with her and whilst I have no intentions over ever joining a church, I must say that visiting and listening to the guy with the baggy white robes is making me a much nicer person. Indeed, I'll never be a saint but I lately I have nothing but kind and generous thoughts for my fellow man. Peace be with yuns, my fellow scalawags, peace be with yuns.

Right - I'm off to trade some food stamps for cigarettes!

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He said you must be joking son, where *did* you get those shoes? | 19 comments (19 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
employment is just oer the horizon by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 05:41:03 AM EST
I can remember saying that during the last recession, at the start of 1 and 1/2 years of unemployment.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Yeah - I remember that by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:54:52 PM EST
I can't imagine being off for that long.

I'm fairly easily entertained but I imagine I'd get pretty bored if I had to wait 1.5 years before finding fulltime work.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
It gave me a real taste for not working by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue Jun 17, 2008 at 02:21:58 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Mass? by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #2 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 06:07:54 AM EST
That implies Catholic, yes?  So plenty of hummers and no pork sword jiggling?

Celebrities, internets or no, face the awful scrutiny of their baying public for the minutae of their private lives.


Well... by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:52:56 PM EST
Except she's not Catholic - she just likes going to mass.

I must say it's a pretty good aerobic workout what with all that getting up then sitting down then getting up then sitting down etc.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Oh I see by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue Jun 17, 2008 at 12:17:52 AM EST
Mass as an abbreviation of Massachusetts?


[ Parent ]
Oh no by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Jun 17, 2008 at 01:27:05 AM EST
Mass as in a Catholic service, even though she was brought up as a Lutheran.

She actually wanted to join the Catholic church but they won't let her because she's divorced and they have all these goofy rules about stuff like that.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Did they try and stone her out of the church? by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #19 Tue Jun 17, 2008 at 02:57:04 AM EST
NT


[ Parent ]
off to Mass ? by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 06:11:58 AM EST
well, hey, there is a meetup in bahstahn sometime soon, you might even take in a sawx game.

Oh, church eh ? Are you like Obama, where church is something nice you do on Sundays, but it doesn't really mean anything in your life ? (text of quote at washpost.)

Either that or total abstinence. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 06:15:53 AM EST
With frequent masturbation breakdowns.

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 06:17:14 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by greyrat



[ Parent ]
Oops! This belongs by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 06:18:21 AM EST
here.

[ Parent ]
Yes by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 2) #13 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:50:26 PM EST
I'm just like Barack.

In fact I have a white grandmother too!!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
You didn't go for an SUV? by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 07:41:04 AM EST
Escalades are fly with urban sorts, and they're cheap right now, too. Pretty soon Saudi Arabia will be pumping out more oil and we'll be back to $2 a gallon gas.


Aye by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:48:28 PM EST
I really wanted an SUV but I don't think Chevy makes them anymore.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Fuck Church! by theboz (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 07:55:32 AM EST
That is all.  Please continue, good luck with the job hunt, and enjoy the new car.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
To each his/her own by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:44:50 PM EST
I have no problem with anyone who wants to attend church.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
New Car Poses... by Bevets Makes Baby Jesus Cry (2.00 / 0) #9 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 08:24:01 AM EST
...at NG's place, perchance?

If she's getting you to go to church, things could be just that serious, I guess.

Not really serious by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Jun 16, 2008 at 01:37:43 PM EST
Aye - that is her driveway.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
He said you must be joking son, where *did* you get those shoes? | 19 comments (19 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback