Print Story I'm a model of self restraint.
Diary
By nightflameblue (Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:21:43 AM EST) (all tags)
Or, maybe like a design of self restraint. A rough design that still needs some work before it hits the blueprint stage.


The one permanent thing in this ol' life-o-mine is change. I'm a strange duck in that I actually welcome change for the most part, so long as it's positive change.

The weird balance in my life that's come around the past year or so is kind of an odd thing to me. Finding ways to make use of all my different hobbies without allowing any of them to permanently distract from any other. Finding ways to balance time with the family with time needed for my projects. Finding myself in position to accomplish all those someday goals that have always sat out there, unfulfilled, but still knowing I should be capable of them.

And then that strange part of my brain that flipped the switch over this past weekend that said, "no, that's enough."

OK, the weekend is too precise for when it happened. It's been shifting for a couple of weeks now. My ongoing quest to gain weight has been going on without any real desire to pursue it on my part for several years now. Sometime a couple weeks back that began to change. Portions just didn't get as large as they used to. My Mongolian bowl wasn't mostly meat and noodles, but instead mostly vegies and little sauce. Then the big moment this past weekend where I turned to Mrs. NFB and said, "I think I'm done with pop."

"What?" The look of disgust on her face was like the look someone gives to a person who casually says, "I'm gonna go rape the neighbor's dog."

"Pop," I urp my way through the sentence, "I think I'm done with it."

"But why?" I could hear the desperation in her voice.

"Because it just makes me feel crappy anymore."

"Well," she says hesitantly, "I guess that'd probably be good for you."

And so, I gave up pop.

For a guy who typically takes three twenties and a twelve oz in any average day, that was quite a change.

I had my biggest test yesterday. The caffeine-fiend headache hit me hard. I fought it most of the afternoon, then around three-thirty I walked out, looked at the pop machine with my money in hand, then turned to the crapateria and picked up a small iced tea.

The headache didn't completely go away, but it lessened enough I could finish the day.

In the past couple weeks I've also switched from eating around a half-cup of M&M's every day to having none. I've been skipping my greasy bag-o-chips at lunch and been sticking to a lunchmeat sammich and cottage cheese. At night I've transfered my big desserts for a couple crackers with Nutella or, last night, a few carrots for their vaguely sweet taste.

And then last night I had my worst moment. The hunger pangs struck me after supper. This is usually the point where my attempts to drop weight have failed in the past. I end up thinking, god, I'm starving and shoving food down my gullet like a wild animal turned loose in an ocean of their favorite foods. Last night, feeling that feeling, I instead grabbed a single piece of bread, put some pieces of ham on it from our big ham cookup over the weekend, put a touch of mustard on it, and ate that slowly. Strangely, I found that that small amount of food, when eaten that slowly, was enough to knock that hunger right out.

Now, I'm not exactly sure why things feel so different this time around. I just know they do.

I've found myself being more peppy and energetic in the evenings which finds me doing more things. I'm guessing this is because my belly isn't so full I feel like I can't move. Last night I found myself out in the workshop actually doing things I've wanted to do for a long, long time. Cleaning things up, and getting on with it. I NEVER work in the shop during the week. Ever.

I feel like I've lost a lot of water weight over the past week or so. Stopping the salt and sugar intake, or at least minimizing them, has caused most of my clothes to fit just a touch looser already. And I know without any doubt that my calorie intake has dropped like a rock over the past week or a little more. Getting rid of pop is a huge part of that. Losing my candy affliction is another.

I feel all Yoda and shit about it right now. "Do, or do not; there is no try." It's weird, but it's working.

One other minor thing that may be of interest: Work has begun on "Josey Be Good," the "Johnny B. Goode" parody song Mrs. NFB requested I do for Pup1 for her birthday. I've learned the first guitar bit, and am working on figuring the bass guitar right at the moment. Got most of the lyrics figured out. The goal is now to get enough video footage of Pup1 running around like a fool to make a full-song video out of it. And to record the puppy laugh I get when I say, "you're such a bad girl Josey" to her in a jokey way to put into the song ending.

Mrs. NFB still sort of believes I'm not going to do it because of the way I initially reacted to her suggestion. All part of the plan.

Outz for another day.

< A Day in the Life | Reluctance and reward >
I'm a model of self restraint. | 27 comments (27 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
good on you! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:42:57 AM EST
lifestyle changes are difficult.

Q: what the latests on MSSS and Mr. MSSS?  How's the Mr. doing?

Yeah. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:53:08 AM EST
I'm trying to make this change fit into our current lifestyle so that it doesn't impact Mrs. NFB. My roadblocks in the past were met when I tried to change what we eat together. Now I'm just changing the things I do on my own and changing quantities I take when we're together. That way I meet less resistance than in the past.

As for MSSS and Mr. MSSS? The baby was born and died on Tuesday. It didn't survive the birth. According to dad you could make out the face and the arms and hands, but most of the rest of it weren't forming properly. It was a boy. Both parents are obviously devastated, Mr. especially because he really, really wants a boy. It's currently unknown how this will effect their ongoing plans.

It's a bad situation made worse by the strain their relationship has been under the past few months. But Dad went down there and kept Mrs. Dad away from them for a day or two so that they could deal with things their own way and Mr. MSSS could be a part of the private service they held for the baby. That's probably the nicest thing Dad's ever done for either of them.

[ Parent ]
GOOD by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu May 29, 2008 at 10:21:02 AM EST
I'm so glad Mr. MSSS could be a part of it.  Anything else would have been just WRONG.  I'm glad your Dad did that for them.

And yeah, you can't change anybody but yourself.  If both partners in a relationship want the same change, that's nice because you can motivate each other.  If only 1 wants it...well, that's a far more difficult situation.

[ Parent ]
Yeah, Dad tries to help Mr. MSSS when he can. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #15 Thu May 29, 2008 at 10:54:39 AM EST
And I'm also glad Mr. MSSS got to be a part of it. That wouldn't have just been the final straw for him, it would have left him a hollow soul for a good long time, possibly forever.

And Mrs. NFB and I usually partner up well on things, but food has been a difficulty from day one. She's a bread and potatoes and pasta girl, and I'm more a meat and vegetables kind of person. When we go out, no big deal. Making meal at home? Problems at times.

Though I think I'm finally sorting that out.

[ Parent ]
The weirdest thing about this all by wumpus (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu May 29, 2008 at 03:30:50 PM EST
was that the likelihood of the baby not being Mr. MSSS's and this not entering into the plans at all. From the sound of it, this was never questioned.

Wumpus

[ Parent ]
True. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri May 30, 2008 at 04:04:28 AM EST
I'm not exactly sure how she got pregnant if they hadn't had sex in months, but I'm guessing that was more than a slight exaggeration, or else something would have been said about it.

[ Parent ]
Public service announcement by gpig (4.00 / 3) #3 Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:53:25 AM EST
The caffeine-fiend headache hit me hard.

Drink tea.

This message has been brought to you by the Tea Drinker's Association of Great Britain.
---
(,   ,') -- eep

Dear sir, by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:55:29 AM EST
I did.

</message>

[ Parent ]
Tea Drinker's Association of Great Britain. by Merekat (4.00 / 6) #5 Thu May 29, 2008 at 05:57:15 AM EST
Delivering stained teeth to the nation since the 17th century...

[ Parent ]
drink sweet tea by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu May 29, 2008 at 06:38:53 AM EST
this message brought to you by the South Will Rise Again coalition.

[ Parent ]
racist by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu May 29, 2008 at 06:45:53 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Sweet tea is technically another species, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu May 29, 2008 at 06:52:19 AM EST

not just a 'race', per se.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Funnily enough. . . by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu May 29, 2008 at 07:12:20 AM EST
I drank black tea. I'm guessing this either means I'm a racist, or not racist at all. I haven't decided yet.

[ Parent ]
Weight loss by debacle (4.00 / 2) #10 Thu May 29, 2008 at 09:13:43 AM EST
Good luck.

I've been fighting my own battle for the past six months or so. So far I've lost about twenty pounds...three times. After about two weeks I gain it all back again.

It's hard to find something else to think about when you really, really want to eat.

I don't drink pop or juice, mostly water or tea, but my diet as of late has been poor.


IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

I've went round and round too. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #11 Thu May 29, 2008 at 09:58:10 AM EST
But over a period of years, as opposed to months. I'm not quite sure what it was that changed in me this time around, but I just pretty much feel differently about it. It doesn't like it's something I need to do this time, but just something that will be done.

I'm guessing my pep in the evenings might be tied in somewhat with trying to find other things to occupy my mind other than, "boy, I sure could use a taco or ten."

[ Parent ]
edit: by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu May 29, 2008 at 09:59:14 AM EST
. . .doesn't feel like. . .

[ Parent ]
Mmm, or ten. by debacle (2.00 / 0) #14 Thu May 29, 2008 at 10:25:40 AM EST


IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
How about a motivation passage for that ass? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu May 29, 2008 at 11:04:09 AM EST
The brain is not dependent on the immediate level in the blood of any foodstuff other than sugar, but it does ultimately suffer if it is deprived of other foods over a long period of time. The prolonged deficiency of protein and fat, which is usual in general starvation, very probably contributes to changes in brain function occurring under these circumstances (1, 18, 54, 67, 82). More immediate and readily recognizable changes in brain function occur when the diet is relatively deficient in one of the accessory foodstuffs, or vitamins, which the body cannot produce itself, but which it requires in minute but definite amounts. Among these the "B" group of vitamins are the most immediately relevant to the brain, probably because they take part in various processes of carbohydrate metabolism. A relative deficiency of thiamin (vitamin B1) causes beriberi; a deficiency of niacin causes pellagra; a deficiency of vitamin B12 causes pernicious anemia; and a deficiency of pyridoxine (vitamin B6) causes nervousness, insomnia, weakness, abdominal pain, and difficulty in walking. All these diseases may be associated with pronounced changes in brain function (95, 99, 120). Beriberi and pellagra have been endemic among prisoners of war from time immemorial (54).

So, in short, cut out everything but soda, as your brain needs the sugar. Your body can suck it. It'll complain at first, but the complaints diminish over time, and become very easy to ignore. Why, just last night, my body was all, "dude, give me some dinner!", and I'm all, "stomach, when you get a job and grow some legs, you can go get food. Until then, you'll live by my brain's rules."


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
But pop makes me feel shitty. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu May 29, 2008 at 11:20:31 AM EST
Food does not when taken in modest amounts. Food wins for me.

[ Parent ]
Who are you going to trust, sir? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #18 Thu May 29, 2008 at 11:23:19 AM EST

your own personal experiences, or a book on interrogation, written by the government? The right thing to do is obvious. Also, I posted the wrong quote:

The syndrome commonly associated with the reaction to hunger is slow in developing, but it can be expected to occur in the majority of those who are exposed to prolonged hunger from any cause (18, 67). It has been seen among starved populations (1), among inmates of concentration camps (54, 70), and among prisoners of war (47, 61, 67, 104), and has been reproduced experimentally (18, 67, 82). This and other rigors of the prison camp experience were probably responsible for a good deal of the symptomatology that occurred among American prisoners in Korea (79, 105, 113). People deprived of food very soon develop a persistent hunger, which does not leave them until death approaches or nutrition is restored (18, 21, 54, 67). Accompanying this hunger there is a constant preoccupation with food, which may encompass the greater part of waking thoughts and activity (18, 54, 67). As starvation progresses, the niceties of dress and behavior are neglected, and if the lack of food carries with it a threat of death, behavior may cease to be governed by the restraints of "honesty," "unselfishness," "pride," and "honor," which are active under normal circumstances; in short, the very highest integrative functions drop away (18, 54, 67). During the earlier stages of hunger, irritability and emotional lability are the rule, but later profound and continuing apathy occurs (18, 19, 54, 61, 67, 104). In the most advanced stages of inanition, defects of memory, confusion, hallucinations, delusions, and intellectual deficits become evident (1, 54, 67). Advanced inanition is associated with major changes in the physical state of the individual. Although it is quite possible that this state is directly responsible for the derangement in brain function which takes place, the disturbances of behavior and of mood which occur during the early part of starvation are present long before any significant derangement of the internal milieu can be demonstrated (18, 19, 67).

It is not to be taken that the reaction to hunger is always the same. In starved communities, in concentration camps, and in experimental situations, some people endure hunger for a long time, and maintain their highest level functions with very little evidence of disorganization until the effects of illness or lack of food supervene (1, 18, 19, 54, 67, 70). Such people, although they do feel hunger and are aware of it, are able to engage in thought and behavior other than that centering around a preoccupation with food; their symptoms are less outstanding and their behavior is more "normal." So far as is known, this greater ability to withstand hunger has no constitutional or genetic basis; on the other hand, the attitude of the man to the experience that he is undergoing appears to be of great importance in determining his capacity to endure hunger.

You don't have to drink pop and give up food; you can switch to apple juice or other naturally sugary things. But food does no one any good at all.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
While it's tough to argue with that. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu May 29, 2008 at 11:31:26 AM EST
It's also impossible to ignore the fact that my own personal experiences ARE actually more important to me than any amount of blah, blah, blah gobbledegook. Though I do find it intriguing that the quotes you provide make me think starvation probably isn't the way to go, yet you see it as saying food does no good.

[ Parent ]
Food addict! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #20 Thu May 29, 2008 at 12:30:26 PM EST

Perhaps you're just in the denial phase.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Yes, I'm sure that's it. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #21 Thu May 29, 2008 at 12:38:51 PM EST
You should take this show on the road. Imagine what somebody like Dr. Phil could do with your food addict thing? It could end up being epic.

[ Parent ]
Very interesting. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #22 Thu May 29, 2008 at 01:01:20 PM EST
Speaking as someone who's very often short of food and not confident when he'll next get his fill. (Not for reasons to do with the size of my groceries bill)

[ Parent ]
I was actually a little surprised by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #23 Thu May 29, 2008 at 01:26:18 PM EST

to find that the ability to not be preoccupied by feelings of hunger is the exception, rather than the rule. I'm still not entirely convinced this is the case, as, when I see friends who eat routinely whining about how they're "hungry", it still seems to me to be a willpower problem. Your stomach may send neurological signals to your brain to indicate it's open for business, but how hard is it to ignore those signals, or feel them, then not follow their instructions? To me, it doesn't seem too hard at all, but I've had some practice now for a while.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Whatever. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu May 29, 2008 at 07:49:57 PM EST
You're not hungry yet.

Call me back when your BMI drops below the teens, and then we'll talk.

[ Parent ]
Like, 11 or less? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu May 29, 2008 at 07:55:00 PM EST

I'm estimating your phone will ring mid-August or so, at this rate. I'm at 16.4 now, and dropping. Though slowly.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I'm a model of self restraint. | 27 comments (27 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback