Print Story All the heroes in Corso's world were tired...
Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 04:19:42 AM EST) (all tags)
The B.A.D.tm

Hunting snipes and blowing noses since 1979...



The rumours are all confirmed and quite, I'm sad to say, quite true. I have a Summer cold. Early. Which is to say I have a Summer cold in the early Spring. Or, and I'm willing to cede this point quite readily, I have a Winter cold late. Which is simply yet another way of dancing around the issue here - which is that there is no such thing as a Spring cold - ergo my current and aforementioned cold is either early (most likely) or late (possible yet highly unlikely) but nonetheless here it is.

Of course I needn't have to tell you, gentle reader, that the timing of said cold is quite poor, quite poor indeed, as Spring is finally springing here is the bowels of Ohia. The birds are chirping, the grassing turning green and the trees are blooming while the temps flirt with 70 (colonial degrees mind you), yet I, and not without a fair bit of disdain for the medical profession's lack of ability in curing this type of ailment, sit here in front of my 12 inch black and white monitor, nose a-snifflin, mouth a-coughing, body a-achin, all the while pining for the days when I had my health. Yes, I understand a fair amount of my faithful readers are partially retarded with no fashion sense and really bad hair, but at least you have your health.

What's that you say? Starve a smallpox feed a cold? That's how the old sayin goes, eh? Well, right you are, and as such I believe I'm going to partake in a big bowl of oatmeal to break my fast on this fine sunny morn. Not only that, my frumpy friends, I'm going to document said bowl here for all the world to see, because, well, because I really have nothing better to do. Ergo and presto:

Internet SuperHero Breakfast

Of course true food connoisseurs will make a special note of the fact that I'm using 100% genuine Soy Milk, as opposed to the heinous bovine product. That really needs to go unsaid but sadly some of you out there still need to have your hand held.

Lets see, in other news I had to put a new exhaust on the ol 86 Escort, which meant I had to divert some of my dole money from hookers and crack and give it to the unkempt drunkard at the auto shop. I think it may well be time to finally get rid of my trusty ol steed and upgrade to a newer model. Or praps get a different type altogether. I hear tell those 88 Vegas are damn fine machines, so I may very well have a look at them. Frankly, even though I have a penis, I really despise the whole shopping for a carriage ordeal. There's so many different cars out there today which makes it just friggin hard to narrow it down to the perfect car for me. If only all those pesky ferners wouldn't have started making good cars it would never have gotten to this point. I could then simply choose from a crappy Ford, a crappy Chevy or a crappy Pontiac or whatever.

As a one-time leader of the Loonuix revolution (many of you will recall I first started running Looniux 5.0 back in 1997 - before many of you Johnny-Come-Lately's even had a frigging computer) I felt the need to use my FREE (like NPR and Mp3's) broadband connection to download the latest Live CD (Gassy Goofball) to give it a whirl. I must say I was quite surprised that it just worked (except for the WiFi so I couldn't get it on the Internets) on my new laptop, which I really didn't expect to happen. Of course it's still not ready for the desktop (it won't run Visual Studio or MP3's right out of the box????) but if they keep plugging away at it I'm sure those smelly hippies will get it right eventually.

I'm embarrassed that of all Presidents for the Pope to have to visit they chose the most retarded one we've (we meaning the colonials here) had in centuries. I imagine the initial meeting went something like this:

Pope: Wie gehts, guten tag herr Bush.
GWB: Heh, heh heh, yeah, hey Pope, have you heard thish one? A Jew, a hermaphrodite and a one legged midget walk into a bar etc etc etc...

Okay, I need to hop in the shower so I can get cleaned up and run down to the local Municipal Building to get in line for my FREE government cheese.

< "There, you see that?" | A Day in the Life >
All the heroes in Corso's world were tired... | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Soy milk? by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 04:29:02 AM EST
Are you working on your man-boobs?


Hearsay by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 04:37:05 AM EST
Pure unadulterated hearsay. Besides - are you really going to take medical advise from someone who looks like this Dee-Dee chap?

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Well by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 04:44:49 AM EST
On your own manboobs be it.

Apparently hummous can alleviate symptoms, I've heard...


[ Parent ]
Sadly by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 01:49:39 AM EST
This hummous that you speak of isn't available here in the Colonial States of America. We have stricter guidelines for our food and whatnot.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
Not enough additives and hormones injected into it by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #11 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 02:31:13 AM EST
Perhaps?

I think they sell a knock off version over there but call it "hummus" instead, just so that connoisseurs don't get confused.


[ Parent ]
It's all banned by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 02:48:41 AM EST
The breakout of Mad Hummus Disease back in 1975 caused the FDA to ban that heinous slop for ever.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
So bob by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 04:49:01 AM EST
hows the lady friend enjoying having a slacker no good unemployed man who can't even catch a cold right ? Ya'll ready for Springer yet ?

Clearly I'm Doing It Wrong by Bevets Makes Baby Jesus Cry (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 09:34:40 AM EST
I wish I was on the friggin' dole. It sounds awesome.

Except if I did it, I would wash my hands after picking up my free government cheese. No colds for me.

My good sir by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 02:40:00 AM EST
Firstly - many thanks for the package you sent out a few weeks back. I apologize for not thanking you earlier. The cloaking device works great and I've almost got the transponder uplink working.

Secondly - The Doletm is great. And to think all this time I used to make fun of people who lived on the back of the government and did nothing all day but watch tv and each cheesy poofs!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
holy shit Bob by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 01:49:07 PM EST
are you in my head or what?  Just this week I switched from milk to Soy Milk for my oatmeal.

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You should be studying back issues of the BAD.. by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 02:29:04 AM EST
I made the switch to Soy Milk years ago.

I'm 21% healthier since making the move.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
oh snap by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #14 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 06:20:14 PM EST
I'm aimin for 25% more heakthy

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Click
[ Parent ]
soy milk? by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 12:27:29 AM EST
Pleh. I make my porridge with water. And salt. (And then cover it in yoghurt and honey, but we'll gloss over that bit).

Right by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #9 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 02:25:42 AM EST
I start with the oats (porridge if you will) then add in some water, then heat the whole thing up, then I add the Soy MilkTM in and then, by jimminy, you've got a meal fit for a King.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

[ Parent ]
All the heroes in Corso's world were tired... | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback