Too many long-term problems. Non-work problems, niggling things that stick and burrow what with no distractions from my solitary track. Then there's work. The bizarre behavior of some of the user accounts at work, coupled with the normal load of nonsense at work, coupled with an upcoming change to our network (from a flat 512 host network to a routed network fabric with five user networks and one storage network, two remote sites with one new one on the way, and the usual external services buckling under our 110 percent growth), coupled with...where was I? Interrupted, is where I was. And for the good of anyone left reading this.
Thing is, I'm outdated. My skillset has been cheapened by google. I'm bitter toward innocence. I don't like anyone, at the moment.
Last night on the drive home...after a harrowing drive created by what must be an influx of insane asylum escapees...my normal route to the house was blocked by a dozen news vans. Seems a 5 year old boy was kidnapped some four blocks from my house, snatched directly from the back seat of the SUV, which was apparently backing out to drop the kids at school. Three white hoodie wearing youths in a gray or silver Jetta took the kid before the mom could react / shoot them.
They found him last night a couple of miles away, wandering around. His kidnappers, apparently, were seriously freaked by the Amber Alert that went out. Either that or the kid was packing. One never knows in my neighborhood, being that the neighbors are pretty well armed.
It was surreal to see myself drive by in the background of the local Fox affiliate 24 hour crisis coverage of the event. I recognized my empty gaze. It looks just like this.
I've completely lost interest in my own comings and goings. My wife seems to derive very little from my existence outside of the utilities (bills, taxes) since she now does her own shopping and food preparation. She's on a crazy diet, and to her credit it has her complete and total focus. My own self interest is pathetic at the moment. Nothing to write here about; I have no cause to whine or complain. Much to celebrate, you know. Heck, even this seemingly meaningless life has some sort of joy around it, right?
We're not all special snowflakes. I think this may be the greatest single cause of our collective malaise (as a generation or a country or a segment of society): we were brought up being told by our boomer parents that we were special, could achieve anything. All of our TV, all the fables of our lives...all of it geared to create a bajillion little special fucks.
Maybe. Yeah, maybe not. But I'm certainly no different than, say, that guy who drives the panel truck who always cuts me off at the onramp to Lamar.
You ever wonder where your fulfillment is supposed to come from? No? Then you're doing what you need to do, I suppose. We all find purpose in something.
Or even nothing.
For now I'm marking time. Maybe next week I'll have a better idea. Last week seemed pretty good other than the disasters at work. Heck, maybe the whole sense of long-term is a ridiculous endeavor in the modern age. When I think about, hey, I've been married for twelve years...it makes my head sort of spin. We moved to Austin in 1999. I've been here longer than anywhere outside of Las Cruces. Las Cruces, which has become a horrible retirement hellhole well on it's way to being the next Phoenix, so there's no sense in lamenting my home.
Goddamn. Not sure where that last bit came from.
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