Print Story Attention $THINGS_THAT_SUCK Infidels
Puzzles & Riddles
By Rogerborg (Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 04:28:32 AM EST) suck, sucks, sucking (all tags)
Attention American Knitfidels: you suck.  Our inbred hicks > your inbred hicks.

Do you suck, infidel?  Find out this vital information inside.  Suck film at 11.



Attention Russell T. Daviesfidel: you suck.  If the best that you can do is to rip off Angel, replace Cordelia with some wobbly-chinned Taffy, and add a few jokes about how shit Cardiff is, then take a career break.  In the Whoverse, you explain the presence of goblins and spooks with technobabble, you lazy hack.  Also, please to be making your Mary Sue a bit less obvious.

Attention Cancer Infidel: you suck more than Buffy season 8.  Why don't you just fuck off, cancer.  Nobody wants you here.  The stark finger of proctology is coming for you.

Attention Rolls Roycefidel: as previously established you suck.  Then you sucked further for killing the widdle fwuffy otters, and then to add insult to fiduciary injury after you were done sucking, you screwed up your face in disgust and spat.  Result: Clan Borg (and other insignificant carbon units) lose ~£10K ($34,633,846) in a house move, and the site was dug up at local taxpayer expense, and then left to rot while you decided if you'd received enough kickbacks and bribes from the various layers of Jocklandish 'government'.

Attention Global Economifidels: you suck.  Get your act together.  I want to see 0% interest right up to the point where $SPORRANCORP sells for $1 billion (£3.54), and then you can have your silly little meltdown.  Please cease this 'sooner or later debt has to be paid back' nonsense.  Nobody would have been stupid enough to borrow if they'd thought for one second that they'd have to pay it back.  You can't change the rules mid game.

Attention Soviet Government UKistanis: you suck.  While I commend your ongoing efforts to prop up our now utterly fictional fiat economy by providing non-inflationary Keynesian demand, please return to the tried and tested methods of doing so by bunging money to BAE on the condition that they invest it in slaughtering dusky skinned unpersons.  Blowing billions on monitoring and oppressing your own populace is unBritish. There are a billion 'people' in China.  Monitor and oppress them.  They're already used to it, and might welcome the change.

Attention Soviet Government UKistanis: seriously, you really, truly suck.  When 'banning samurai swords' please attempt to not draw up a proposed definition of 'samurai swords' that includes just about any sword except for actual samurai swords, you numbnuts.  For your future reference, the only UKistanis who will even notice, much less care about, your legislation are the law abiding majority.  The intended targets of your legislation will continue to ignore you.

Attention, oh... let's say purely for the sake of argument... greyrat infidel: you suck. Refute, with examples.

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< Random stuff | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Attention $THINGS_THAT_SUCK Infidels | 29 comments (29 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Samurai sword crime by hulver (4.00 / 9) #1 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 04:36:11 AM EST
is low in volume but high in profile...

Well, that just about sums up this govt's attitude to law creation. "It's not really a problem but it looks like one. Let's do something."
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
Suspicion: it's a raw demonstration of POWAH by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #2 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 04:52:59 AM EST
They're Travis Freying the relationship between State (estates 1 through 4) and the citizens consumers.

I mean, if you actually come out and boast that your legislation is facile and pointless, and nobody calls you on it in any effective way, then it really opens up your options.

You could view it as cynical political expediency, but I propose that it goes deeper.  It's a tritism to say that this bunch of recividist Marxists think that everything should be either mandatory or prohibited (for the consumers) but I really and truly believe that is how they think.  They've got a toolkit that Stalin could only dream of, and once they've ousted the last of the Lords and replaced them with rubberstamping apparatchiks, I can't really imagine any limit to the granularity of their Five Year Plans.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
a tritism by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #4 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:02:25 AM EST
Ooooh. Nice neologism. Gotta remember that one.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I took care to Google it before posting by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #9 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:06:09 AM EST
The acceptance criteria was the presence of I cannot answer the question because "tritism" is not a word.

Speaking of petty language-Nazis: where the hell is Farmgirl?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
It's word now! by wiredog (4.00 / 3) #11 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:11:39 AM EST
A good one. Thus Mr. Borg, once again, demonstrates the superiority of English over all other languages. Need a new word? Make it! Find an old word, file off the serial numbers, and make it your own!

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Isn't Scotland going independent? by jump the ladder (4.00 / 2) #7 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:03:14 AM EST
I reckon Gordon Brown is Scotland's little parting gift from the Union.

[ Parent ]
Damn English, stealing our best and brightest by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #10 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:08:30 AM EST
Oh, please, can't we have him back?  It's so unfair that you get to keep him.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Briar patch, throw, etc... by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #13 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:16:43 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
You suck by wiredog (4.00 / 3) #3 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 04:53:49 AM EST
For not making the poll multi-select...

This guy sucks. Well, at least his toys do.

The Bureaucrats in Government suck.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

'That Guy' ROCKS by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #5 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:02:31 AM EST
"The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut."

A refreshing haircut?  He's keeping those Flying Car dreams alive.  I want to see him in silver spandex, sporting a CoMoonicator.  That's a Moon Communicator.  That you'd use to talk to your hot spandex-miniskirted secretary during your commute to your office.  On the moon.  See, That Guy just inspired me to make that up (suck it, Google).

Curiously, the career bureaucrats involved in the 'samurai sword' debacle have actually been pretty reasonable, even tactfully embarrassed, during the farcical 'consultation' period.  It's their elected masters who are behaving like a bunch of power crazed... uh... politicians.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
A few years back by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:02:46 AM EST
A naked bloke went on the rampage in a church in Croydon slicing up pensioners with a samurai sword. Call me sick, but I find that quite funny.

Linky. Choice quote: "You can't get much madder than this."

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It's political correctness gone mad!

A naked *Scotchman* by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #12 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:16:09 AM EST
And since they can't ban Scotchmen without deporting half the front bench...

Note: no fatalities.  He'd have done better just using the kitchen knife than a retail katana.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
I do not suck! (TMI WARNING!) by greyrat (4.00 / 3) #8 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:05:42 AM EST
I lick. Since orgasmic stimulation of the clitoris is generally not achievable by sucking (except when a woman wants particularly rough  sex) I definitely do not suck. Well, I do gently suck the labia minora some, and French kissing does involve a bit of sucking too... So, OK I do suck. But unlike most of your list, I only suck a little.

So the fuckers a RR just fucked everybody over? Just for the hell of it? 35 grand they indirectly fucked you out of? Well, I'm surely never going to buy that Sliver Cloud I had my eye on.

And that sword legislation sounds like something we'd come up with over here in 'Merkinistan...

I salute your dedication by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #14 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:20:55 AM EST
How on earth did you become so flexible?

Yup, RR blue-ballsed the whole town.  Amazingly, they don't even have any wombyn on their management team to explain how to do that.

Soviet UKistan's aping of the Colonies is getting rather vulgar, I have to agree.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
Hey! I'm all about women coming. by greyrat (4.00 / 3) #17 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 06:03:12 AM EST
It's the only reason I have for living now. And -- well -- I guess that means my time is up.

[ Parent ]
eh? by celeriac (4.00 / 3) #24 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 12:14:45 PM EST
orgasmic stimulation of the clitoris is generally not achievable by sucking

This is false for the majority of clitorises I've encountered. Your justification for not sucking sucks.

[ Parent ]
Nota bene the use of the word 'generally'. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 01:51:03 PM EST
I'll make sure that I suck your clitoris if ever we meet.

Also, I don't think even the clitorises you have encountered are interested in the level of sucking that the 'borg is referring to in this diary.

I therefore stand by my original statements in this diary. I would only add that if a woman is not getting what she wants from me, she has only to ask.

[ Parent ]
I said that to my wife once by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #26 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 02:29:43 PM EST
and she asked me to do the dishes.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
I *do* do the dishes by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 02:53:42 PM EST
and the bulk of cooking. And the yard work. And what do I get? I'm the sleeptime foot warmer.

[ Parent ]
I do the dishes as well by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 04:25:16 PM EST
I do what she asks. Except go clothes shopping. That's where I draw the line.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
BBC Sucks! by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #15 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:28:12 AM EST
"If you are outside the UK you will not be able to use bbc.co.uk/torchwood for rights reasons."

So much for any benefit of being part of the Commonwealth.

Can you not use by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 05:31:56 AM EST
A UK proxy?

[ Parent ]
You're not missing anything by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #18 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 06:50:26 AM EST
Broody immortal gay hero in a trenchcoat, ethnically and genitally diverse sidekicks, goblin of the week, even the blond gay vampire, it's just Angel season 6 set in a 3rd world country, look you.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
A 3rd world country? by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #20 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 06:57:06 AM EST
It's set in Jockland?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Hah, they WISH by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #21 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 07:01:37 AM EST
We have an impotent joke "Parliament".  Wales only has an impotent joke "Assembly".  Other than that, it's much the same: mountains, phlegm and inbreeding.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
mountains, phlegm and inbreeding. by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #23 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 07:26:12 AM EST
Just like West Virginia. Or any other place referred to as "Chigger Ridge, Pennsyltucky".

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
We apologise for the error. by yicky yacky (4.00 / 3) #19 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 06:55:33 AM EST

If you'd like to contact the BBC and provide your TV Licence ID number, I'm sure they will adjust their location-screening software accordingly. It is truly unfortunate that you have been unwittingly and unfairly caught in a trap designed only to exclude those who haven't paid for the service.


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Which prompts the thought by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #22 Thu Feb 21, 2008 at 07:04:39 AM EST
Why don't they sell licenses to Johnny Foreigner?  There might not be a huge market, but I'm sure that Colonial Mac owners would love to have access to Radio 4, just so that they could nitpick In Our Time.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
We already get IOT... by chuckles (2.00 / 0) #29 Sun Feb 24, 2008 at 09:53:48 PM EST
via podcast. On behalf of my Teutonic ancestors, I would like to lodge a complaint regarding the 22 March 2007 episode entitled "Bismarck - the Iron Chancellor".

"The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin [...] would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities"
[ Parent ]
Attention $THINGS_THAT_SUCK Infidels | 29 comments (29 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback