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By ReallyEvilCanine (Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 04:08:58 AM EST) A Day in the Life, mail, children, clueless, fucktards, pie (all tags)
Mail

If your job is "Solution Specialist" and you're the manager of a department which is about to offer a training in some gee-whiz neat-o new stuff a particular upcoming release includes, I have a few tips for you.

x-posted to da brog.



1) Choose the correct addressee list.

The "EntireBuilding" mail alias is supposed to be used for things like someone leaving his lights on in the parking garage or a car blocking a delivery truck or free coffay and cake at 4:15 this afternoon. The fine people of $SupermarketChain, the schlubs at $FinanceCo, the weirdos who sniff glue at $FurnitureOutlet and the various building staff don't give a shit about our software.

The "EntireMegaCorp" mail alias is for things that interest all of us, like the free coffay but only for MegaCorp employees. Since 97% of us have nothing to do with your very specialised application and 84% of us can't touch it for security reasons there's little justification in filling my fucking mailbox. Idiot.

The "MySmallGroup" mail alias exists for a good reason.

2) Err on the side of caution.

When one considers our craptastic mail system one is quite justified in concerns that a mail didn't go through. There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with this.
The Right Way:
       1) Wait 15 minutes for it to be delivered to you as well
       2) Check your Webmail account which is more reliable
       3) If, after 30 minutes you still don't see it in your Webmail (having refreshed from 15 minutes ago) then re-send it.

The Wrong Way:
       1) Send it a second time immediately.
       2) Send it a third and fourth time five minutes later.
       3) Send a follow-up mail asking people to please reply if they got the last mail since you forgot to add a return receipt each time.

3) Consider your content wisely.

There is a right way and a wrong way to highlight points you wish to make when you want to differentiate the importance of those lines.
The Right Way:
       1) Outline format
       2) If it is utterly impossible to get your info across otherwise, font size changes

The Wrong Way:
       1)Three  different fonts
       2)Multiple font sizes on the same line
       3)Four different colours
       4)Dingbat and smiley usage

And while I'm on the subject, yes, I know we're expected to use big graphics but including them is not a requirement. Megacorp is quite proud of its very expensive and ubiquitous logo. While it's not necessary to send the graphics, they can be included. There is a repository and creation template. But if you're unable to find the desired graphic, do not start searching the Intartubies for 800MB animated GIFs like Judy does. Judy is a secretary. You are not. Judy is bubbly. You are not. Judy's job is to be happy and perky. Yours is not.

Four mails, each 7MB, all looking considerably less professional than a 14-year-old's MySpazz page. Half of us had to log into the goddamned Webmail client just to delete that shit since it put us over quota, at which point our standard mail clients fail.

And no, that's not the end of it. You'd be disappointed if it was, so here's the punchline: The product being discussed:

.

.

Business Inteligence.

I swear.

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A Day in the Life | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I suggest you replay all with this cogent advice by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #1 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 04:33:29 AM EST
animated gifs would help to get your point across.


5 points by DullTrev (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 04:53:29 AM EST

To whomever works out what obvious comment I have valiantly avoided.


--
DFJ?
'Please follow your own rules' by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 05:10:05 AM EST
Except that I'm not a manager inviting other professionals to learn about $NewBIWare; I'm just ranting.

[ Parent ]
Good lord by DullTrev (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 05:37:24 AM EST

No, that wasn't it. Much more snarky.


--
DFJ?
[ Parent ]
You need to Reply All with an email by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 05:09:27 AM EST
That has this  at the top and this  at the bottom.

Put this  somewhere in there.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

We've had Reply All avalanches before. by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 05:12:39 AM EST
Not pretTy.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Just send it to him, then. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 05:18:44 AM EST
Along with this: captioned
We know where you are!


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
too long; didn't read by webwench (4.00 / 2) #8 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 06:15:18 AM EST
Can you bullet-point that and then re-send to all, please?


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

Short version by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #9 Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 07:55:59 AM EST
REC is on the bottom.



Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
That's the wrongest thing I've seen all day. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #10 Sat Feb 02, 2008 at 08:58:46 AM EST
OMG

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Yeah, very wrong, while still SFW by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #11 Sat Feb 02, 2008 at 11:39:19 AM EST
Heck, I got it from the Washington Post website. 

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Ohly cow what a moron by duxup (2.00 / 0) #12 Sun Feb 03, 2008 at 02:10:13 AM EST
That's ####ing epic.
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A Day in the Life | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback