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By nightflameblue (Fri Dec 19, 2008 at 11:19:08 AM EST) (all tags)
I just wrote twenty pages of documentation about a process that would require:
  1. Me to die
  2. The server to crash beyond all repair

Both things would have to happen on the same day for anyone but me to EVER view this document. And bosses wonder why documentation projects are sometimes frowned on.

Begin Brain Dump:

It's been a busy week at work.

At home, I found myself doing all sorts of things that, while they may result in something of significance later, amount to nothing today.

So, I flail and I flop and I run and I work and . . . .


This last book of Mrs. NFB's is killing me. I start every week thinking, "OK, I'll just read it, get on with it, and it'll be done by the end of the week." I read it one evening. Realize I'm totally disgusted with it. Then, when I go to pick it up the next day. . . nah.

Let me run you through the happenings and see if you could handle it.

Super-hottay gets ravaged by the man of her dreams who claims his lordly right on her wedding night to the man of her nightmares. She's fifteen at the time.

They are separated by the fake-note from parent gag.

Super-hottay is forced to the convent with her pure sister to wait and see if the lord fathered a child on their night of naughty. Finding out she's not pregnant, her asshole husband shows up and rapes the ever loving crap out of her, repeatedly, in the convent.

She goes to live with her asshole husband, his dad, his sister, and their kindom of filth and degradation.

She starts to shape things up in the castle despite putting up with the ass. And pops out a couple kids, which are given less attention in the book than they are in this sentence.

She catches her husband porking his sister, they find her watching and tie her down then tag-team rape her. Yeah, you read that sentence right. It's worse than it sounds. Believe me.

She gets revenge, puts her asshole husband into a world of hurt, gets unfurled from the marriage, blah, blah, blah hooks back up with her tw00 luv. And she also inherits her daddy's pirate fleet. Which gets attacked on their honeymoon cruise, of course. She thinks he got killed, loses all memory, then gets captured by the other pirates.

And gets sold to a whoremaster.

A whoremaster who INSTANTLY falls in love with her and must marry her. Angering the other whores. Especially one who's always thought SHE should be his wife. Through quasi-manipulation, the angriest whore ends up killing her new husband, after she gets pregnant again of course. Manipulate, manipulate by some dude who thinks he should just be able to smooth-pimp-daddy his way into her because he used to be friends with her now dead husband and then she sends him spiraling out of control and goes back towards England to escape him.

Meantime, her previous husband wasn't killed, only wounded. He ends up quasi-raping the girl that nurses him back to health, then marries her because she finds rape extremely fun, as all girls do in these books, then heads off to honeymoon thinking, "I know you're still alive $OTHER_WOMAN because you couldn't possibly be dead, and you are the love of my life, but I totally gotta dip my wick somewhere because it's been a couple days and shit. Ta!"

And that's the first 170 pages. Of five hundred.

And now I can't bring myself to go back to it.

Maybe this weekend? Or, you know I could say I read it. Homework style.

Nah, I'll finish it. Under protest.

The holiday party planning committee, consisting of Mrs. NFB, the telephone, her laptop, and two of the pets, is about to disbar for another year. Just one more party to plan. Oh, there's about four more to attend, three right in a row, but only one more left to plan. Ugh.

And, yeah, it's been a week.

Watched Paranoia 1.0 last weekend. I don't get it. Which probably means I'm one of the stupid controlled that they were attempting to portray right up to the end where they, all of a sudden, just said, "plot, what fucking plot" and had a bunch of third graders high on angel dust finish it up for them. Or something. Good movie right up to the end, where they should have tied up, oh, I don't know, ONE of the bazillion loose ends they had hanging out there. And it's not like it warranted an emotional response, or gave us a lot to talk about. As Mrs. NFB said, "I like movies that make me think. But this one, there's nothing to think about. It's just there, then it ends, then it's like, 'huh.'"

Hmm. Yeah. Outz.

< I Would Blog 4 U | It was a weekend to see old friends, and a weekend to be frustrated >
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A correction by theboz (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Dec 19, 2008 at 11:29:14 AM EST
I just wrote twenty pages of documentation about a process that would require:

1. Me to die
2. The server to crash beyond all repair

Both things would have to happen on the same day for anyone but me to EVER view this document. And bosses wonder why documentation projects are sometimes frowned on.

Shouldn't #1 be corrected to be for you to no longer work with the company?  Not be be an alarmist, but that type of documentation usually gets requested for a reason.


- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
Yeah. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Dec 19, 2008 at 11:40:41 AM EST
This one wasn't specifically requested. Just part of the ongoing "document everything" project that we've been attempting to keep up with for the last five years or so, and finally have time to actually do in between emergencies as the plant slows down.

[ Parent ]
Less rape, more poetry & 3K more pages... by atreides (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Dec 19, 2008 at 12:47:29 PM EST
...and you've got yourself a Chinese literary classic there. OK, you need to add in some gods who incarnate as some of the main characters and chapter long diversions about minor characters, too...

He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.

Ha! Joke's on you. by gzt (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Dec 19, 2008 at 04:45:58 PM EST
When they do need it, they won't be able to follow the instructions because they're illiterate.

I'm gonna combine with the next comment by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Dec 22, 2008 at 06:23:39 AM EST
and ask if I should have a functionally illiterate person test it (Zippy) or an actual illiterate person test it (the boss). Just so I have all my bases covered.

[ Parent ]
The problem with brain dumps by riceowlguy (4.00 / 2) #5 Sat Dec 20, 2008 at 02:43:13 AM EST
is that they give the powers that be the illusion that they're covered if you're not there.  Unfortunately, something always gets missed.  Unless you have time to have other people test out the procedures, figure out what you missed, test again, etc., etc., the docs are always incomplete.

What's really fun is when the first time the docs are tried by a new person is when they're halfway around the globe, working with third-party hardware you've never seen before.  And it's a week before Christmas and %75 of the team is already on vacation.  Not that I have any recent experience with this sort of thing, mind.

Been out raping lad? by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Dec 23, 2008 at 01:15:04 PM EST

Well done lad.

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