Print Story The good news: There are still flying squirrels in Pennsylvania.
By ObviousTroll (Sat Nov 15, 2008 at 04:44:46 PM EST) (all tags)
The bad news: One's living in my fireplace.

No, I'm not kidding.

Last night I was coughing my lungs out from some sinusitis, so I decided to stop bothering SWHTL and go and sleep on the couch. My rest was quickly interrupted, however by scrabbling noises from inside our (glass fronted) fireplace.

Leaping quickly into action, I staggered over to the fireplace and stared stupidly at a something that had a "hi, I'm a friendly rodent" face and scarily long claws and way more skin than an an animal his size should have. I was thinking "bat" until it wall-crawled across the wire mesh grating and I realized that, yes, indeed, I had a northern flying squirrel - and he was trying hard to get the door open.

I ended up standing vigil over the door all night, hoping I could intimidate him into leaving the way he came - I didn't want to leave him unattended because he was trying pretty hard to get out the fire place. As dawn came I covered the glass doors with a blanket, hoping he would "see the light" and get the hint.

And sure enough, once the sun was up, the noises stopped.

Unfortunately, it turns out they're nocturnal. He hadn't left, he just hid some place, not even reacting when I opened up the fireplace and burned some charcoal bricks hoping to make it smelly enough that he wouldn't come back.

No luck. Tonight he's bouncing around the inside of the fire place; we have a small chipmunk sized havaheart trap that Troll Jr's girlfriend brought over and we slipped in there when he wasn't looking - but I firmly believe it's too small, he's going to pop it without getting properly caught, or else not go in.

It's an awful shame, he's a cute little bugger - I hope I can get him out of there without too much more fuss.

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The good news: There are still flying squirrels in Pennsylvania. | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Foreclose on his ass by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #1 Sat Nov 15, 2008 at 05:24:49 PM EST

That'll show him fiscal responsibility,*and* get rid of him, unless he gets bailout money, of course.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
first you people whine when flying rats don't have by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #3 Sat Nov 15, 2008 at 05:49:57 PM EST
a home...and now you wanna evict them all after a few have missed a few payments.  Limousine Liberals en force!

[ Parent ]
Unfortunately, he proved too wily for me. by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #5 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 03:25:53 AM EST
apparently peanut butter and hamster food wasn't enough to lure him into the too-small trap someone loaned me last night.

Is Mike keeping up with his riding?
[ Parent ]
That trick never works by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #8 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 06:08:28 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Hey, Rocky! by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #9 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 06:28:48 AM EST
Nothin' up my sleeves....

Is Mike keeping up with his riding?
[ Parent ]
Be careful by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #2 Sat Nov 15, 2008 at 05:48:51 PM EST
If it's building a nest for the winter, it can catch your flue on fire.

The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
I don't think that's what happened by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #4 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 03:24:47 AM EST
at this exact moment, he's sleeping on the floor of the fireplace, wrapped in fiberglass he pulled from the fireplace front (I didn't know it was there, I'm assuming it was packed there to fill in air gaps.

So, I'm pretty sure he's trapped.

The crazy thing is that the flue is closed; yesterday, when I thought he had left, I actually stuck my head in to check it. The disturbing thing is that when I pushed on the flue, I couldn't open it - so it's either rusted shut or there's something on top of it - like a flying squirrel nest, or the remains of my #$!#@ chimney cap.

Is Mike keeping up with his riding?
[ Parent ]
Call a chimney sweep by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #6 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 03:44:38 AM EST
or animal control. Or both.

Normally, for terrorist rodents, I recommend a .22 and the stewpot. But I suspect your better half would object to gunfire in the living room.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Unfortunately, we don't have animal control by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #7 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 05:04:11 AM EST
We called the cops hoping they would tell us whatever service it is that they use, but all we got was a vastly amused kid with a buzz cut and a really big flashlight. He was willing to try and scare it out the fireplace and into an inverted traffic cone (no, I'm not kidding) but I convinced him that neither I nor he really wanted to have to go through a series of rabies shots because the plan didn't work quite to perfection.

So, I'm calling around on a Sunday morning trying to find someone who preferably will (a) come out and fetch him for me or (b) offer good advice. Best case would be that I find a friend who has at least has some prior experience and can offer mad squirrel removal skillz for the price of a couple of beers.

It really is a horrible shame, he's a cute little bugger. Lamb is entranced by him.

Theological question of the day: If humans become angels when they die, to hamsters become flying squirrels?

Is Mike keeping up with his riding?
[ Parent ]
Update: Just bought a squirrel sized trap by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #10 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 06:31:23 AM EST
the little bugger is very soundly asleep - or terrified - he didn't even twitch when I put the thing in the fireplace, and it's nearly as long as the fireplace is wide. It's loaded with water and seeds and peanut butter - he's got to be thirsty as hell at this point.

Is Mike keeping up with his riding?
[ Parent ]
What a bleeding heart liberal! by lm (2.00 / 0) #11 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 01:07:33 PM EST
Open the flue wide and build a big enough fire and it'll solve your problem one way or the other.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
justn keoopm johm and call hiem lulu by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #12 Sun Nov 16, 2008 at 10:14:08 PM EST
they nmajke greaty pets

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

The good news: There are still flying squirrels in Pennsylvania. | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback