I still regret every day that I didn't treat WPKAW better. She was a much larger person than I had caricatured her. The perspective of having to sort through her belongings draws all the memories together to give a much fuller picture of the person than I had when she was standing in front of me. I don't regret with guilt so much. I simply didn't know. And what you don't know, you can't act on. But still, I wish I'd known then what I know now.

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My last confession was two weeks ago. Since then we've had:

• WPKAW's birthday, spent at home
• A visit from an old work chum and his wife - including tapas and wine
• Thai with two of WPKAW's old work chums. Including wine
• Minor Midget's second parents evening (she's a star)
• A large re-union of old work mates that haven't seen each other for 7 years or more. With wine.
• Finishing the book WPKAW was reading when she died
• Fireworks at Alexandra Palace
• Sari shopping
• Kids birthday party, medieval style

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This has been played out to a constant backdrop of chatter with TWEG. She came to the re-union with me as she was amongst that group of old cow-orkers. After the re-union she came to mine and we ate proper fish and chips grabbed from my local chip shop. She wanted to know when she could see me again. We half arranged for next weekend. We'd had a really good time. I put her in a cab home before midnight. She managed to have a fight with the cab driver over the fare.

Having TWEG around has been a very large and pleasant distraction from dwelling on WPKAW. I know it's too soon to be in another relationship. Not because anyone tells me so, I know it's my choice. It feels too soon. I feel guilty for thinking about it. But I have been thinking about it.

But TWEG is named TWEG for a reason. When we were together back in 2001 it went fantastically wrong. So I try to approach anything here with caution. The caution I actually get is just hand-wringing and then carrying on regardless.

This last weekend she managed to get into some trouble and told me on Monday that there is someone after her to give her a good beating. Why? She hasn't let on yet.

I phoned her last night to offer support, left a message. She phoned back and left a message saying thanks but there was nothing I could do. I missed a call an hour later, no message. I didn't phone her back as I was stuck working till 1am and wasn't prepared to chat right then.

When TWEG is good, she's good. When she's bad, she's a train wreck.

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The Police contacted me yesterday. They want a meeting with me tomorrow. Their investigation is now at an end. They'll let me know all the details of their findings. A report is to be sent or has been sent to the coroner and the Crown Prosecution Service.

And so I'm brought back down to earth with a thud.