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Diary
By blixco (Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 08:52:37 AM EST) (all tags)
Here's some more shit that cheese me off, plus a great recipe for bread via bread machine.


Today on the way to work I almost killed a cyclist. He ran a stop sign turning right, and swung wide into my lane without looking back. I engaged the anti-lock part of my brake range, and slide to a halt a foot away from his wheel. Then he flipped me off.

Yesterday, three cyclists in bright yellow jersey spandex regalia were holding traffic at 10mph as they formed a peloton of slow yuppie sweaty conceit. When I was finally able to pass, I was flipped off.

Yesterday morning, a single cyclist riding in the bike lane ran a red light and caused a large pickup truck to slide sideways through the intersection to avoid killing the cyclist. The cyclist got off her bike and screamed at the truck.

Every single day, I see a bicyclist doing something that is illegal, immoral, or downright stupid. Traffic laws are not optional. Stop signs and intersections have laws that a good portion of the cycling community should at least be familiar with.

If they then choose to break those laws, they put themselves squarely into a new equation.

I'll still do my best to avoid crushing the cyclists who flaunt the traffic laws, because I am not inhuman, but if you hear of me killing a cyclist, don't take it personally. It's because everyone suddenly thinks they are Lance, and they have closed roads to freely roam. But they don't, and physics can be a harsh motherfucker. Next cyclist that runs me off the road may get a physics lesson.

Know what else really gets my blood up? Seemingly reasonable people who have allowed some sort of jaded, quiet, cynical thing to consume their ability to be motivated by emotion.  People who don't have emotion, and who also do not have autism, are supremely annoying. At least as annoying as hysterical Fox news pundits. At least as annoying as frothing-at-the-mouth Rage Against the Machine types.  People who don't allow emotion to guide them were long ago lost to humanity.  I know that it is trite, but your anger is a gift. It is like pain, or love, or any other decent motivational emotion. It is perfectly OK to be irrational. It is perfectly OK to be angry.

People, some of them, seem to have developed a mentality that says, hey, this person needs to be talked off a ledge. I need to calm You down.  I feel that You're too worked up.

It's for your own good.  Getting all angry, you get all...you know...angry. Unhealthy! Irrational! Emotional! Un-civil!

Fuck that, I say.  Fuck the whole proper lot of it.  Anger is good.

On the flip side, love is also good.  And these same people who don't want you to be angry, they also don't want you to be happy.

They want....normalcy. Control. Quiet, cynical, jaded, powerless, emotionless control.

Clean. No extra parts, no wasted motion. Precise and unfulfilling. Empty, dry, written well and properly catagorized.

I can ignore them most days. Some days.  OK, I can't ignore them.  We are human. Animals with clothes and money and tools and magic. Imprecise, feeling, and completely, totally irrational.

Finally, here's my bread recipe.  I make a loaf or two a week, and use it for breakfast and lunch. It is your basic wheat sandwich bread.

1 cup King Arthur organic white all purpose flour
2 cups King Arthur organic "white whole wheat"
2.5 tsp vital wheat gluten
2.5 tblsp ground flax seed

1 cup plus 1 tblsp warm water, roughly 105 degrees F
1.5 tblsp honey (raw)
2 tblsp olive oil
1 tsp sea salt

1 packet Red Star quick rise yeast or equiv.

Combine the dry ingredients in a bowl and mix with a fork.

In your breadmachine, set for a whole wheat cycle, quick rise.  Add water, salt, oil and honey. Pour the dry ingredients in, form a well in the top and add the yeast.

Press GO.

In 2.5hours, enjoy fresh organic whole wheat bread. I've noticed that my bread's protein content is fairly high, the oil involved is all good for you, and the sugar is a complex natural source with local pollen built in (if you get the raw, un-processed variety, like goodflowhoney.com)

There ya go.  I'm not all negative energy...I'm also making bread!

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Quit whining. | 37 comments (37 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
olive oil by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 08:59:51 AM EST
does very strange things to bread. Wish I knew more of the chemistry behind it, but bread made with butter, or veggie oil or olive oil -- the olive oil one will rise slower and  not as much as the other two (in same amnt of time), and handle very differently when kneaded. Also has a denser crumb.

Now, if you're an emotionless robot bread machine using jerk cyclist, I wouldn't expect you to understand this.


I experiemented with by blixco (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:08:39 AM EST
fat types and amounts, and came to this after using unpasteurized butter.  Butter tends to make crumbs, but the bread stays moist.  Olive oil and flax seed make a very good crust with a dense, chewy interior that is great for sandwiches and toast. You can't skimp on the flax seed, though, or add more olive oil to work without it, or you end up with dry chewy bread.

Mixing dried rosemary in with this bread also works very well, provided you cut the flax seed down proportionally.

Robot bread machines are the best. Plus I like being able to make bread quickly, easily, and reproducibly without an oven.  See, I have no oven.  My oven has been dead since a lightning storm in July. The manufacturer has repaired it five times. It is still dead.

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
i'm sorry by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #24 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 01:59:21 PM EST
i know how it feels to be ovenless. we just bought a new one not long ago after not having an oven for many months. my first act was to make cookies.

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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
I so want to make pizza. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 05:22:32 PM EST
Or bake a cake.

Or make some french bread.

Goddamn.

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
luckily by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #35 Fri Oct 10, 2008 at 01:23:26 PM EST
we had a toaster oven, so it wasn't totally bad...but then when the whole damn stove got taken apart to try to fix the oven, i didn't have a stove top to cook on either...

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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
More on Olive Oil by Gedvondur (4.00 / 2) #8 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:33:15 AM EST
There is some real interesting research regarding yeast and olive oil.  Now mind you this all comes from the beer making side of things, but from what I read your result isn't that surprising.

http://www.brewcrazy.com/hull-olive-oil-thesis.pdf

Now mind you for a loaf of bread the amount would be so small is to not being practically measurable, but olive oil does have, in very small amounts, a beneficial effect on fermentation.  It could also retard fermentation when too much is used.  That could lead to your small bread rise.

Just throwing this out there as something interesting.



Gedvondur

"I love my brain. It's the only organ I can afford to lose." --frijolito
[ Parent ]
In my case, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #11 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:37:35 AM EST
I've not noticed less rise with olive oil, but i use an aggressive, winner-take-all yeast that kicks the ass of every other yeast out there for rise and volatility.


---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
Heh by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:01:07 AM EST
What, Red Star?  Or a special strain of Red Star?



Gedvondur

"I love my brain. It's the only organ I can afford to lose." --frijolito
[ Parent ]
Red Star instant. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:50:56 AM EST
Shit is aggressive, yo. But then I irradiate it to give it superpowers.

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
I wonder by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #19 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:13:39 AM EST
What a package of one of these, properly bloomed would do.

http://www.austinhomebrew.com/index.php?cPath=178_21_77_157_402


I don't expect they would be as good as the Redstar, but they might create some interesting flavors.  US-05, in particular is a mainstay for many brewers.  Danstar Munich might be interesting too.  In all of these, creating a starter would probably be best.  Something you don't really have to do for standard bread yeast.



Gedvondur

"I love my brain. It's the only organ I can afford to lose." --frijolito
[ Parent ]
Making bread by hand by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #2 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:00:23 AM EST
That is, kneading it yourself, is a great stress reliever.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Very true by blixco (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:09:48 AM EST
as is shooting things. Or arm wrestling. Or exercising with a certain sense of impending violence and doom. Or running really, really fast. Or pushups.

Or playing a musical instrument. Or driving fast, Or solving puzzles. Or having sex. Or or or

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
dude by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:13:58 AM EST
we can't afford that quality of flour.  we get $0.49/lb from Central Market's bulk dept (which is the ConAgra stuff they use in their bakery).

the only loaf we've bought in the last almost 2 years was during the hurricane.  oh, and earlier this week when we were all sick and needed white bread and couldn't get away from the toilet long enough to measure anything.

right before reading this, i started a loaf of sourdough in our machine.  Fred has turned out to be a really awesome starter!

That flour, by blixco (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:29:35 AM EST
I bought in bulk...a whole shedload....a while back.  It is worth much, much more now. Or rather, it would cost me twice as much now. Less pricey flour works just as well, but King Arthur is employee owned, and they have some scary quality standards for their sources (i.e. no illegal labor, no pesticides, least impact to the environment, and none of their organic wheat producers can have GMO veggies of any kind on the same land).

But yeah, any flour will work.

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
the times i have used KA by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:02:48 AM EST
have been awesome.  they make some killer flour.

[ Parent ]
Cyclists who don't obey traffic laws? by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:20:15 AM EST
I'm going to kill a few of them too... FROM THE COMFORT OF THE SEAT OF MY OWN BICYCLE!!! I hate those fuckers. I hate them with a passion. They give me a bad name as I try to get my miles in. And as we already know, I also hate the fuckers who are not on bikes who insist on walking three and four abreast across both lanes of the trail -- and are too busy yapping at each other to hear or pay attention to (sometimes you can't tell which) three or four polite but increasingly louder "On your left"s coming at them from behind OR the obvious collision that's coming from in front.

Now on emotion, I'll have to disagree with you. "Love" and "happiness" got me into two marriages where emotionlessness became a survival tactic. More fool me on my choices. But I'm certainly angry enough to go postal in a few financial institutions, and at the risk of a visit from the FBI, in some gummit offices.

And I can't afford one of your uppity, elitist bread makers you insensitive clod!

Yep. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:33:59 AM EST
Some cyclists, and some car and motorcycle drivers, and some of everyone. But lately I have been plagued by stupidass cyclists, and they are...to a man (or woman)...over-equipped yuppie scum with eleven thousand dollars in gear, jerseys of their favorite rider, and no sense of self preservation.

Or rather, a sense of entitlement that beats their self preservation.

In re: love, I'd rather have loved and lost, as both are important. But what ya do in the middle is all up to you.

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
get a cheap-o one! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 2) #15 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:04:41 AM EST
we got the $50 sunbeam 2 lb model, and it has paid for itself over and over again.

[ Parent ]
And I did even better by notafurry (4.00 / 2) #20 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:40:03 AM EST
in one weekend of patrolling the estate sales. $5 for an older but very solid and dependable machine... can't remember the brand off the top of my head, but it does everything I've ever asked it to do. My favorite tactic is to dump in the ingredients and hit the "dough" button, then turn it out and bake it as I like in the oven. Consistent loaves, Daughter can assist without having to make too much of a mess in my kitchen, and no funny hole in the end of the loaf that no one will eat for inexplicable reasons.


[ Parent ]
been there, by wumpus (4.00 / 1) #25 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 02:10:56 PM EST
will try Blixco's recipe (hope it works with less organic flour).

My goal is pizza dough. Or hamburger bun dough. Or pretty much any dough for specialty bread products that cost way too much.

Wumpus

[ Parent ]
It works with regular flour by blixco (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 05:25:54 PM EST
but this is a honey wheat recipe.  If you use just white all purpose flour, then omit the flax and gluten, and use butter instead of olive oil. If you use only whole wheat flour, then add an extra teaspoon of gluten and another tablespoon of flax seeds.

King Arthur Flour has a great website with some killer recipes.  I highly recommend it.



---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
Does the honey flavor come through? by ayrlander (2.00 / 0) #32 Fri Oct 10, 2008 at 04:03:20 AM EST
 I've been making my own sandwich bread for a while, using a very similar recipe:  all KA white whole wheat instead of a combination of that + all-purpose, no flax seed (never thought of it, don't know what it would do), margarine instead of olive oil (to reduce the fat content, even if it's healthy fat), and maple syrup instead of honey.  With my palate I can't tell the difference between honey, maple syrup, and regular sugar, but I haven't found raw honey and so I figure maple syrup is the least processed of the three so that's what I use.

[ Parent ]
I can only barely taste the honey by blixco (2.00 / 0) #34 Fri Oct 10, 2008 at 04:23:53 AM EST
but the yeast fucking LOVES it. It also loves maple syrup, but I can get good honey for stupid cheap.

The flax gives you more oil, and enhances the nutty taste.  Makes it toast well, too.

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
My machine by blixco (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 05:27:30 PM EST
beeps to let me know when to remove the paddle, and the stem retracts to eliminate the hole.

But my machine was also obscenely expensive new.  Good thing it wasn't new.

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
Sunbeam 5891 by lm (4.00 / 1) #22 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:57:18 AM EST
I just bought one for forty bucks + 1 dollar shipping from Walmart.com. Aside from getting recommended by Consumer Reports, it gets top marks from just about every review site out there as a beginning bread machine. The only real down side is that it does vertical loaves rather than horizontal loaves like most newer models have.

I'm fairly certain I'll make that money back within a few months.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
emotions by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:35:36 AM EST
I've played both sides throughout my life. Currently I'm trying to get back to the "has emotions" category. When I took e for the first time a few years ago I realized I had forgotten what that feels like as I had been in a void for four years.

Most of the people wanting to "help you calm down" are likely unaware that they themselves are emotionless rather than having cultivated that mode voluntarily.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

True. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #12 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 09:39:33 AM EST
I wonder where we got this idea that prozac == sane.

That calm, clear-eyed, drugged to numb mode of action that one of every five people are into.

My guess is marketing.

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
or there are by dr k (4.00 / 1) #17 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:56:15 AM EST
simply too many people in the world to allow everyone to experience "natural" emotions. Maintaining a complacent population is about the only way we know of to deal with overpopulation.

:| :| :| :| :|

[ Parent ]
Hrm. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:04:20 AM EST
Information density (due largely to a gigantic and well connected populace) does breed a sort of necessary complacence, since an unguided reaction to every supposed emergency would probably kill an uninitiated soul.

Everything wants our utmost dire attention all the time, and the only way to survive that is to tone it down.

Interesting.

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
prozac !=sane by Merekat (4.00 / 2) #30 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 10:45:06 PM EST
Prozac is merely a means to provide a break from the insane, when the insane becomes hazardous to the self. Any reputable doctor should not tell you anything different.


[ Parent ]
never again by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #29 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 06:09:02 PM EST
Cyclists by ad hoc (4.00 / 3) #21 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:48:20 AM EST
I cannot defend them as they piss me off too.

But if I might make an observation: it has nothing to do with cycling. If you were to put them behind the wheel of a car, they'd be the ones talking on cell phones, cutting across lanes of traffic, parking in handicapped spots, and running stop signs all in the name of their entitled life.

As for bread makers, mine doens't have a "GO" button. Would "Start" do?

--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
Start will do! by blixco (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 01:10:16 PM EST
And yeah, they're probably stupid jerks no matter what.

But cyclists in Austin have a very protected status, so it is blasphemy to suggest that they obey the rules. Thus my grr grr grr

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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
Question by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #36 Sat Oct 11, 2008 at 06:16:20 AM EST
If I had "bread flour" would I eliminate the gluten from your recipe?

--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
[ Parent ]
If you only used by blixco (2.00 / 0) #37 Sat Oct 11, 2008 at 08:45:53 AM EST
bread flour and no whole wheat, then yes.

---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
...Aaaaaaand by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #31 Fri Oct 10, 2008 at 12:32:10 AM EST
Breathe.

Peach in, green out.


Anger: The Gift that keeps Giving by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #33 Fri Oct 10, 2008 at 04:22:47 AM EST
I'll try some applied psychology at work today.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

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