Special circumstance one: Put a musical instrument into my hands, and I become a fucking maniac.
Special circumstance two: Mess with my family, I and my super friendly, happy-go-lucky dogs will fuck your ass up so fast you won't know what happened.
Special circumstance three: Punk not, lest ye be punked.
WahWah just brought up circumstance three.
Oh, it's been coming for a while. He's an annoyance constantly. But a mild one so long as I don't have any face-to-face interaction with him aside from his constant hacking and sniffling around the office. But he seems to believe that he's allowed to dish it out without ever having to take anything in return.
The HR department appears to be on my side in this one. We were in the crapateria a few days back. WahWah is standing in the way in front of the sandwhich bar, so I go to pay for my food before loading up the toppings. WahWah is STILL standing there. So, in my usual casual fashion, I mention, "every fucking where I go, you're standing in the god damned way."
Then I noticed two of the touchy-feelies are standing there. Both of them are staring at me. HRcutie looks at WahWah, then me, then says to me, "yeah, you're right. He's annoying and mean."
WahWah practically cried.
Now, I won't bother going into details about all the stupidity that's gone on between us to build up to this tension point that we find ourselves at today. I'm sure, deep down, under all the insecurity and inability to come up with a prank more clever than sticking his middle finger in the air as I walk by then telling me I'm mean to him when I return the gesture, and the constant ability to annoy even the most patient of people around him, there's probably a decent human being under there. Maybe.
But something happened a couple weeks ago that's left me feeling it's time to leave a little mark on his psyche again. Something more brutal than the multiple hidden pictures in his office routine I pulled on him last year. Yet still not brutal enough to cause any actual, physical harm. I'm not heartless, I just believe in dishing on people who ask for it.
So, I run my plan by WahWah's boss, just to be certain I'm crossing no lines. He laughs for three minutes before telling me, "that's hilarious. Make sure you tell all his underlings before you do it. They'll want to be in on this too."
I tell my boss, as his rivalry with WahWah is about equal to mine at this point, and I want to be sure, again, that I'm crossing no lines. He says, "Fuck yes. I've been hoping someone would come up with something that devious for months now."
So, today, I send out the email to the folks under WahWah:
BB and I will be playing a small prank on WahWah next week and figured since you all work closest with him, you may want to get in on it too.
We have purchased two small devices with random beepers in them. These two devices will be placed in WahWah's office early next week in hidden locations and set to annoy him with noise every two to eight minutes. We request that if he asks any of you if you can hear it that you deny hearing anything.
Please delete this email immediately after reading so that he doesn't happen to see it up on your screen. Thanks.
Within moments I get back a flurry of, "AWESOME" and "CAN'T WAIT" and "THIS IS TERRIFIC" emails. At that moment, I have a moment of guilt. A brief moment thinking, "are we going too far?"
Then I hear WahWah's voice wahwahing around across the way I remember why. After he walks away I hear his two closest assistants whispering about not being able to wait to see what happens with this beeper thing. I give them hope and happiness. I can't take that away.
You wanted to play the game my friend. Now it is time to ante up.
|< A ring and a throne | Things I have learned >|