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By jaxom green (Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 11:22:30 AM EST) (all tags)
My mother in-law will be riding to Dana Farber this afternoon.  Hopefully the Drs there will have some sort of treatment that offers some hope.  Otherwise the diagnosis of stage IV NSC lung cancer is not good.

Other than the tumors in her lungs tumors have shown up on her skull, spine and arm.  Apparently at least one spinal disc has deteriorated so badly that it is crushed, leading to a permanent bed rest.  It's difficult interpreting three layers of obfuscation (Doctor -> mother in-law -> wife -> me) but I think the "rehab" that is recommended for my mother in-law is essentially a longer term hospice stay.  This is only from reading about the long term prognosis at various googled sites.  I'm not sure if my wife is refering to "rehab" because that's her way of dealing with the situation or if the prognosis is better than I realize.

Right now she's getting daily radiation treatments for her spine, but the doctors are not treating the arm and skull tumors.  I guess the arm is minor enough they'd rather concentrate on the spine and the skull is not an area conducive to radiation treatment.

Right now I alternate between sad and angry.  Ad for obvious reasons and angry at my MiL for ignoring her health for so long.  Both her parents died of cancer and she has smoked for all her adult life.  Instead she nursed everyone else rather than herself.  I'm also angry with my father in-law for saying things that just get my wife more upset.  I don't know if it's just his way of showing his attachement, or if he's seriosu but he says stuff like "I can't live without you." and has apparently said he'll be dead shortly after his wife passes.  I had been looking forward to my children growing up with all their grandparents.  Now I know my kids will be saying goodbye to their Mima soon and their Grandpa isn't acting much better.

That's really the one thing upsetting me the most right now.  I just can't tell if my father in-law is simply grieving or is serious.  I hope he's just grieving but it's really upsetting my wife.  I'm fairly certain how I'd act in that situation and it's certainly not like that.  He's got two adult children and two grandchildren so far.  He's only in his late 50s and still has so much to do.  Loosing his wife will hurt but we are there for him.

Soon I'll be leaving work so I can get my younger son from my wife and pick up my older son from school.  Working an hour away from home is not helping the stress levels of this situation at all.  Hopefully the local preschool can squeeze the younger son in full time.  He already goes part time but they are technically full for the full time program.  That plus their after school program will make life much more manageable.

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Dana Farber | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Wow. :-( by ana (4.00 / 2) #1 Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 11:30:05 AM EST
*Hugs*.

And it's my experience that in situations like this, people can be quite accommodating. Ask the day care folks; maybe they can work a small miracle for you.

Take care of yourself, your wife, and your kids.

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin


I wish the best for your family... by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 01:48:18 PM EST
whatever the best is -- and there's no way to know this. I don't know your in-laws, but I imagine your FiL is grieving. When my grandmother was dying, my grandfather said similar things -- and even said he wished he hadn't had heart by-pass surgery that would extend his life. He still lived 14 years after my grandmother died (to the age of 88), and they were -- except for the last one -- very good years, enjoying his grandchildren, his dog, and his friends. I hope it's the same for your father-in-law, both for your wife and your kids (and you, of course). I'm keeping your family in my thoughts.
-----
If you don't get a Bonnie, my universe will not make sense. --blixco


I'm sorry and I feel for you by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 02:05:59 PM EST
but I have to say that you really do not know how you will act or feel until you are put in exactly that situation¹. Your FiL needs support, not criticism, no matter how crazy he's acting. He's losing his wife.

¹ May that never happen.
--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.


FiL by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 02:26:49 PM EST
Regardless of the sum total of the rest of your support system, losing the one person your whole life centered around (as was supposed to keep centering around) is a crushing blow. I'm sure he's in a worst-case sort of mood, so things may well turn around for him in the end. Just try to suppress the anger and help him deal with things.



This is so hard, and I'm so sorry. by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 10:10:58 PM EST
I just can't tell if my father in-law is simply grieving or is serious. 

Yes.

I don't mean to be flip, but I saw this in my step father when my mother died of SSLC. But after her death, he began to make plans for his future.

The Farber is a good place for the situation, but at this point, cure is so very highly unlikely. I am so sorry.

"I don't have time for martial law, I have to get to the gym!" zarathus


Dana Farber | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

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