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Educashun
By Horatio Hellpop (Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 01:26:00 AM EST) (all tags)
DAY 3: Wherein I bitch, lest I assplode.

WARNING: Extremely Misanthropic Content Inside

  • ATTENTION: ROBOTIC-VOICED-CAFETERIA-CASHIER INFIDEL
    Though I suspect you're from some obscure Eastern European nation, that is no valid excuse for your robotic monotone. If you hate your fucking job that much, then fucking QUIT NOW and find suitable employment. Knock that shit off, or I will torment you for the next 11 months.

  • ATTENTION: FUGLY-BLACK-CHICK-SITTING-AT-OUR -BREAKFAST-TABLE INFIDEL
    Looky here, woman, I don't give a shit if you get a fucking discount for your your kids' shoes from all of the merchants at the mall, where your "wife" works, but DO NOT continue to say the phrase "my wife" 19 fucking times in rapid sequence. WE ARE NOT IMPRESSED. FIND OTHER MORNING CHATTER.
    If you are doing this for some kind of "shock value", be advised that the only shocking (pink) bit to this is the fact that you are so God-damned ugly, that the thought of you licking carpet, or some other licking yours, while I'm trying to knock down my Cheerios before class, is so fucking WRONG that I threw up a little in my mouth. Thanks for fucking up by breakfast, you ugly, militant bitch.

  • ATTENTION: INSTRUCTOR INFIDEL
    We have been in your course for 3 fucking days. We have not memorized the textbook that, apparently, you wrote. When you junp around the fucking thing like you're Dorothy Fucking Hamill, TELL US WHAT FUCKING PAGE YOU ARE READING.

  • ATTENTION: MOUTHY-GANGSTER-BITCHES-IN-ROW 2
    We DO NOT want to hear about your Traffic Citation Incident while the instructor is explaining new material. Shut The Fuck Up K?THNX.

  • ATTENTION: LOUD-AZN-POWA-CHICKS-IN-SEATS B3 & C3
    HEY! LET'S NOT COMPARE AND/OR CONTRAST THE PAIN LEVELS INCURRED BY MENSTRUAL CRAMPING AND OBSTETRIC LABOR, PARTICULARLY 5 MINUTES BEFORE OUR SCHEDULED LUNCH. YES, YOU HAVE LOOSE AND SLOPPY VAGOOS, CAUSE BY SQUEEZING OUT SOME MORE ESL STUDENTS, IN SPITE OF YOUR TEENY, TINY LITTLE AZN BODIES. WE. GET. IT. OUCH. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • ATTENTION: NEANDERTHAL-CHICK-AT-MY-CAFETERIA-TABLE-DURING LUNCH INFIDEL
    Hey, I sat there, because I'm trying to be nice to you kids on Campus, but I want you to try lifting your PAINFULLY HEAVY sandwich TO YOUR MOUTH, instead of lowering your jaw directly to the plate. You eat like you were a fucking beast from the fields. Yes, I get on my son for this shit, but if I see you doing this tomorrow, I'll spill hot coffee on you. Accidentally.

  • ATTENTION: SPOILED-FILIPINA-BRAT-SITTING-TOO-CLOSELY-TO-ME INFIDEL

    YES, your Daddy is a bum, Baby, and I'm crying on the inside that he bailed on you and your Mommy and went back to the safety of the Philippines, but I'm starting to understand why he did it!
    I'm sure your Mommy's not out sucking off sailors to pay for your tuition, and I'm sure that second job at Starbucks will cover your books and supplies, so SHUT THE FUCK UP and move your fucking counterfeit Gucci bag away from my chair wheels, or I WILL FUCKING RUN OVER IT. If you are 2 days late for the course, YOU. GET. NOTHING. GOOD DAY!

  • ATTENTION: WOMAN-IN-E3-MAKING-GOOGLY-EYES INFIDEL
    KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF. SERIOUSLY. NOT INTERESTED.

  • ATTENTION: KOREAN-PROPRIETOR-OF-GHORM'S INFIDEL
    LISTEN UP, BITCH-- I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF REFRIGERATORS ARE FUCKING OPTIONAL BACK HOME IN KOREA, BUT IN THE OLD RED, WHITE AND BLUE, WHEN ONE DOLES OUT DIP CUPS OF TARTAR SAUCE (A MAYONNAISE-BASED FOOD, BTW) ONE PUTS THE MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE FUCKING COOLER AND DOES NOT STACK THEM IN AN EVER-SO-GEOMETRICALLY-PLEASING ARRAY ON THE COUNTER-TOP.
    ALSO, do NOT tell me that "some people like warm Tartar sauce" when I point out your fucking HEALTH CODE VIOLATION. FUCK. YOU.
    If the shit's still out on the counter tomorrow, I will personally escort a Health Inspector to your fucking joint and LAUGH HEARTILY as he/she writes a giant fucking citation for you. DON'T WANT TO CATCH THE "YELLOW PERIL" FROM YOUR FILTH. K?THNX.

  • ATTENTION: TARGET-EMPLOYEE-MINIMUM-WAGE-EARNING INFIDELS
    The ONLY correct response to my comment of "There's something spilled on the floor, by the greeting cards" is YES, SIR! We'll get that safety hazard rectified immediately, before that old lady busts her hip on our cold, hard and glossy floor."
    I HAVE YOUR MANAGER ON SPEED-DIAL, BITCHES, SO FUCK OFF AND DIE.
< Bridge Is Over | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

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OP: Back To Skool | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Sounds fine to me. by Phage (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 04:45:25 AM EST
Although I have a vocabulary failure.
ESL ? AZN ?
#6 ? That drives me up the wall. See mine and herring's multiple posts on the subject. Isn't it strange how the people who eat like it's a trough, also eat with their mouths open. <shudder> A sound not unlike walking across a muddy field, only with added visuals...

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick


Translations by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 05:41:31 AM EST
English as a 2nd language, and Asian.

I'm a pretty poor eater myself (sloppy, slow and pissed off looking), but chewing open mouthed seems to be the world's easiest habit to get rid of, surely.

I'm sure condiments are normally safe for exposure at ambient temperatures, but I can see the grossout factor in that, too.

[ Parent ]

I sense a lot of misogin, mysoj, mys... by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 08:30:50 AM EST
not-to-happy-with-female-human feelings in this diary.

And dislike of lower class retail establishments.



Keep it up by debacle (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 09:13:21 AM EST
This is almost as good as ADITL.
"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie



Why do you have wheels on your chair? by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 09:18:06 AM EST
Why is this not on the front page?




So I can cavitate during the slow bits. by Horatio Hellpop (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 09:31:04 AM EST

"You can't really know something until you ruin it for everyone." -some guy who used to have an account here
[ Parent ]

Your chair is submersible ? by Phage (4.00 / 2) #10 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 10:16:17 AM EST


The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick
[ Parent ]

ANGRY UPDATE: by Horatio Hellpop (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 09:37:43 AM EST
ATTENTION: SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR INFIDELS
PAY FOR YOUR WINZIP LICENSES, YOU CHEAP FUCKS.

"You can't really know something until you ruin it for everyone." -some guy who used to have an account here


Please to be using UPDATE feature of edit function by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 01:53:18 PM EST
Or is that only available to trusties?

[ Parent ]

No by Phage (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 10:14:55 AM EST
It's a rant. Try and keep up.

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick


Actually, for once . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #12 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 02:06:33 PM EST
. . . he's right - this does not belong in the diaries section. The only reason it hasn't been moved, is because of who wrote it.

bloody favouritism.

[ Parent ]

But Horatio has a wheelchair by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #14 Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 08:13:21 PM EST
so he's a minority.


[ Parent ]

OP: Back To Skool | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

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