I haven't taken a standardized test since 1998 or so, so I wasn't feeling good about the LSAT; I will feel so awful that I couldn't even keep my tenses straight. To make matters worse, I understand that poor performance has resulted in summary execution in the past; fortunately, I don't live with my parents, so that's out.
The professor administering the test was a total professor type; bookish, unfunny jokes, with nerd timing and that awful g**k self-satisfaction that rubs us all so very much the wrong way. I didn't take the LSAT to endure some egghead boffin's wry humour. I took it so that I could get a contract for selling my soul. (I was hoping to use promissory estoppel to get out of the payment clause, by the way.)
The test itself was dreary, and the whole time I was taking it, I felt like I was prying to parallel-park a semi in a space the size of the semi, blindfolded and with four tabs of acid in me. (If anyone gets that reference, well, he's a g**k.) It was no consolation whatever to me that at the break, gunshots were heard from all the bathrooms and prospects were seen openly smoking tobacco cigarettes. I don't know how anyone could act so frivolously literally in the middle of a seriously sphincter-loosening life experience. Picking my way between the dead and dying, I made it back to my seat just in time to get shot between the eyes with a question admitting of no possible answer.
Since I only got 177/1000 on the exam, I guess it's back to the mulch pits for me. While they drag me away kicking and screaming to my certain doom, I sincerely hope that all you smug bastards going to law school suffer unbelievable torment in perpetuity in the afterlife, because my dreams of doing the same lie in ruins. Ruins.
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