Votes: 23 Results | Other Polls
I kind of went back and forth for a while, since I dislike both my middle name and my father (who gave me my last name). But then I realized that my name really is my name, and not my father's. And there's a bunch of paperwork to fill out if I change my name (social security stuff, work forms - stuff for HR and IT and who-knows-who else. My family was somewhat scandalized, but they got over it quickly. They still send me stuff to "Mrs. $Toxic $Fur" rather than "Ms" but I don't much care.
If you decide to keep your name, then be prepared to talk to telemarketers who ask to speak to "Mrs. $partner_last_name." Or just say that no such person lives at your house. :)
Last random thought before I go pour myself a glass of whiskey - ana and I don't feel like less o a family because we don't share the same last name. And I'm not trying to sway you one way or the other, because I didn't have a strong feeling one way or the other before I got married, but I am glad I kept my name.----- inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
Etiquette requires you to use the person's preferred honorific, but that being said, I don't make people call me Dr.
Unless they piss me off.
"I don't have time for martial law, I have to get to the gym!" zarathus [ Parent ]
Why fix it if it isn't broken?
Call me old-fashioned, but in the unlikely event this ever became an issue for me, it would be a deal-breaker...-- It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
and would you be willing to change your name?[ Parent ]
The unwillingness of a potential spouse to change her name indicates to me that she has some sort of ill-conceived feminst 'chip on her shoulder', and that we would likley disagree on a whole host of other issues.
Having said that, the women that I have been involved with recently are not really marriage material. But that's another story...-- It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.[ Parent ]
seriously, it's a lot of work to get one's name changed.[ Parent ]
Maybe the best way forward for people who desire equality in this area is to flip a coin, after all, if the guy changes his name, that's just replacing one form of repression with another...-- It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.[ Parent ]
and other places wouldn't accept faxes or copies, they had to see an original of my marriage license...which meant either ponying up quite a bit of cash or waiting in rather long lines.[ Parent ]
Getting more attention than you since 1998.[ Parent ]
i never got beyond that before my ex moved out, so it never mattered.[ Parent ]
(signed) Dr. iGrrrl
I mean, It's not as if I'm putting a gun to any woman's head and saying ' change your name' - there are free choices being made on both sides, what could be more equal than that?
Like all relationships, there is an element of give and take.
You can pretend that you're 'equal', keep your own name and lose out on all the fantastic benefits being married to me would surely bring, OR you can recognise that equality is a somewhat complex issue, change your name, and enjoy years of married bliss with a solvent, physically attractive, intelligent and well-adjusted guy.-- It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.[ Parent ]
But I have married bliss, going on 18 years, with a physically attractive, intelligent and well-adjusted man, who is also a good bass player.
I also have a rock-solid reputation at work, pull 90 hour weeks when needed, and love my children, who are bright, funny, and also well-adjusted.
I'm a damn good cook, too.
I'm glad you found a workable solution to the very unimportant issue of whether to change your name... Would all those wondeful things be any less wonderful if you had changed your name?-- It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.[ Parent ]
And yes, I'd be a little different if I changed my name. $my_nickname $his_name together sounds like a bird call (think "bob-white"), and my last name is a bit unusual. To have changed my name would have changed the way people interact with me about the first thing they generally learn about a person, and also changed me in a subtle, butterfly effect sort of way. I'd still be a good cook, though.
Done now.
I mean, I'd put future-spousal insistence on my name-changing in the potential deal-breaker column**, but I've never claimed to be particularly well-adjusted.
*Not a real word. **Which column is now entirely hypothetical.----- "Nature is such a fucking plagarist."[ Parent ]
Of course, everyone now things that my maiden is my middle name.
If I ever got struck by a meteor got married again, I'd probably switch to using the married name at least in a non formal setting.**** You know what is funny? I voted for McCain in 2000 and Obama in 2008. (And let's not forget Edwards in 1998.)
When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?
Years pass, things change, you end up living in Kansas. But the bag of dicks never leaves your side... - blixco--top hat--[ Parent ]
Wumpus [ Parent ]
Examples:
Mr. White and Mrs. Black's children are called Grey.
Mr. Miller and Mrs. Cooper merge into the Flourbarrel family.
Mr. Knight and Mrs. Saltrivers have children called Rusty.
And so on. -- <ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica. [ Parent ]
You know, sort of in the Benifer/Tomkat mold.--[ Parent ]
Sorry, just had to...**** You know what is funny? I voted for McCain in 2000 and Obama in 2008. (And let's not forget Edwards in 1998.)[ Parent ]
Names are symbolic. To a certain extent they reflect what you want out of the marriage. For some, they want their names to reflect the new unity that arises out of the former duality. (This doesn't have the be the wife taking the husband's name. The husband could take the wife's name - although I only know one in person example of that and it didn't end well. Or the couple could pick out a new name together.) For others, this is less important.
In any case, I think it's a decision that should be approached together.
Not really. Both of you should keep your current names.
And changing the name with everyone is a PITA. I still can't convince the bank to, even though I've brought in my marriage license, my driver's license, etc. So a bunch of financial documents use my maiden, gov't uses the hyphenated, and casually it's the married. Can't I just start being "Rachael the $CoolAttribute" and screw last names?"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot
we remained mr. 256 and misslake.
my personal opinion, heavily influenced by my mother, sister, and grandmother is that taking the husband's name was archaic and unfeminist. the woman giving up her name was symbolic of submitting to the man's ownership (rather than entering an equal and consentual partnership) and therefore totally unacceptable. all three women were not offended when someone called them mrs. husband's surname, but my grandmother and mother both would have preferred to live in an age when they could have kept their maiden names. my sister proudly remains Ms. W. Lake, and i intend to remain Ms. C. Lake. i think that unless you or your spouse feel particularly strongly about either name you should just keep the names you have already have.
Anyway, we knew she'd been twice married (and twice divorced), with a daughter by Mr. June, who bore his name. One day, April's assistant got a call for her from someone whose voice she didn't recognize. So she asked who was calling, and the man on the other end said. "This is Dr. May. Her ex-husband."
After she transferred him, or took a message, or whatever, she said to the rest of us, "Did you realize May was actually her first husband's name?" and we all pondered the improbability of someone marrying two men who had women's names as their surnames.
Anyway, and I guess this does sorta tie in after all, I kinda like the First Maiden Married thing, depending on how attached you are to your middle name. Though that wasn't actually what I did (my middle and maiden name began with the same letter, so I collapsed them into an initial which stands for neither or both, but this obviously isn't an option I can advocate for everyone). -- "If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn
N surprised me. We had discussed it and both names were equally dull. So I told her that she'll always be N $name to me because that was the name I knew her by when we were kids. It was all set - then she changed her mind at the last minute and took mine.
I don't know what this all means. Other than it probably matters less than people think.The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick[ Parent ]
This will also please future generations of genealogists.I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. - Bill Bailey[ Parent ]
It'll serve those genealogists right. And lead to rather long debit cards.
Yours,
Mr. e3a2b2359a6a15bd74d0623e4e5426d30d7f4a612f84220a045751819540370a616d4b1907d52e7b8541292ba14a21f2d9c218929c95f930b774adf9972bd9f2
Then all my cousins started getting married, and every single one of them switched over. So did a good friend from college; I was horrified. What I didn't realise was that pre-immigration, Chinese women might use their husband's name as a title, but Leung Siu-ling wouldn't automatically become Moy Siu-ling, even if she was the legal Mrs. Moy.
So my mom was actually just being stodgy in her own way, and also avoiding extra paperwork--which is a venerable family tradition in its own right. I went through my own adolescent phase of being annoyed that I had my dad's surname, although that was saddled with the complexity of ethnic identity in my case. Eventually I decided, much as did toxicfur, that wherever my name had come from it was my name.
My spousal unit was quite willing to change both our names to some combination of my mom's, my dad's, or his dad's, but I kept freaking out about a combo that didn't include my birth surname, plus it's a seven-letter name which makes hyphenation unwieldy. I would have had anywhere between nine and fifteen letters, and lost my very nice initial+surname default username.
Mostly because of my freakage over the existing alternatives, we both kept our birth names, and it's a choice I'm satisfied with today. He's antix, I'm mmon, and together we are the antix-mmons. I get plenty of mail from his family addressed to Mrs. Antix, and that's ok; I regard it as the title and not the name. They can can call me whatever they want, but that doesn't make it correct.
We also sorted out ahead of time what we are going to do should we spawn, based on how much our respective parents care. My parents have a strong preference for family first names; his dad has a strong preference for the traditional male-lineage surname, so there we go.
(Fortunately, I have a big enough family that some of them have pretty good given names.)----- "Nature is such a fucking plagarist."
My family has that tradition too! Earth First! (We can strip mine the rest later.)[ Parent ]
All of which I was surprised to discover that the Chinese share with the Mennonites, but I really shouldn't have been.----- "Nature is such a fucking plagarist."[ Parent ]
I don't use my legal first name, and instead have a nickname used by everyone but legal and medical professionals. It never entered my mind to change it, and my in-laws knew this. Shortly after our marriag, they sent me a nice birthday check to $nickname $his_las_name, who has no legal existence, at least as applies to me. I endorsed it as $nickname $his_las_name, Mrs. $his_name $his_las_name (since his name was on the account), $my.initials. $my_lastname. When she got the check back from the bank, she said, "Are you trying to tell us something?"
Really, I was just trying to cash the check.
Although it led to a funny moment when I was re-introduced to someone I knew before I got the nickname.
"I heard you got married. What's your name now?"
"$nickname."
---- I am a crime against humanity -theantix
The biggest confusion has been at Taekwondo where we have been called everything from "Mrs Harmless", "Ms. $janralastname", and even "Mr. $janralastname". Now that our names are stitched onto our belts, it's less of an issue though :-p
The minor irony1 is that when hitting a site that required a lastname janra did, in fact, use Janra Harmless.
What to do about the kids though, is a Discussion Yet To Be Had. Neither of us are wild about hyphenation...
-mh
1 not using the Morissette definition of ironic here...-- [Mostly Harmless]
Skateboarding is a crime.
BTW she had a very happy childhood and has extremely strong family ties, so it's nothing to do with leaving behind the past.
My own view is it is horses for courses - except that hyphenation is crap. Pick one or the other (or keep your own) and be done with it. WRT to kids, I like whomever suggested pick the "best".
Cheers Creo.
"I shall do what I believe to be right and honourable" - Guderian
I do know she was quite irked when I discovered that when filling out the marriage certificate we could take the opportunity to put ANY name we wanted. Sure the office was about to close any minute but an opportunity like that should be discussed properly IMO. She shut down that process after my first suggestion of Mr. and Mrs. CheeseBomb.
I could have been Mr. CheeseBomb . . .
Anyway I think it is a personal decision although I'm not entirely fond of hyphens. I guess names are a part of a person's history but IMO the hyphenated last name system is more history than I care to deal with every time I deal with someone's name. ____
I didn't refrain out of some idea of it putting me beholden to my husbands identity yada yada. From experience, overall attitude more than details makes you distinctive and the type of people to do that to you will do it anyway, regardless of name.
Yes, passports, credit cards, driving licenses and bank accounts were a PITA and she'd only changed back from Halibut to Sterotypical-Welsh-Surname a couple of years previously. I think that's the only reason she doesn't divorce me.I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. - Bill Bailey[ Parent ]
Thomas, Evans, Williams, Davies, Edwards, Pritchard, Hughes, Morris? Other?
The English only have "Smith" ...
Of course, don't listen to me; I think marriage is an anachronism in general.-- <ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
Kiddies are both D though (though Pepsi does have T as a middle name).
Does that makes sense? thought not! Rock Hard Abs are just a sw-sw-swivel away!
Well I never![ Parent ]
A marriage is a new stage in your life, a new era, and needs to be commemorated as such. So yes, change your name. To Mrs Wench v2.0. Or Mrs Wench 2007. Or Mrs Wench-Vista! I'll stop now.
Personally, I don't get it. My brother is getting married this summer, and I was surprised to find his fiancee would be taking his name. Surprised because she has Scottish heritage, and is very proud of it, and her name reflects it. My family's last name certainly does not.
If it was me, I wouldn't mind if my hypothetical wife took my last name or not, though I wouldn't change mine to hers. I mean, I am who I am. If anything, I might be vaguely freaked out by someone who enthusiastically took my last name, so willing to give up their identity. (Of course, that's probably because I am bitter and dead inside, with no scrap of romance left.)
When it comes to kids, however, I'd want them to have my last name. It's something akin to chest-beating in gorillas.
I guess it comes down to the two of you. Forget about what parents, co-workers, the post office, the government, religion, people on the street and, most importantly, random people on the internet think. What feels right to you two?
Wheeee...Flyin' is Fun!![ Parent ]
Talk it over with him. If you come to an agreement, do that. If not, do what you want. Just be consistent once you've decided. ~ There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.Kha-Nyou
nurse: is there a $clock[official_neverused_firstname] here?
wating room ... crickets ...
me: uh...maybe?
nurse: c'mon.
me: uh...i might be seeing something i'm not supposed to see?
nurse: your wife said that you two have different last names because she was too lazy to change hers.
me: that's my girl!
in short, why bother? paperwork is the enemy. and who needs another aka? other than me...Clock is right. [nt] --vorheesleatherface
i didn't even get to things like the house, or mortgage or anything like that (which turned out for the better in my case).
people can call me Mrs. clock until they're blue in the face, and that doesn't bother me a bit. but the thought of all the phone calls, faxes, certified signatures, standing in lines......yuck. no thanks, i'll just keep my name.
Actually, his last name is pretty cool.
That said, if it is that important to him, which it is, it's important to me to take that into account.
ok, dude. so, what equivalent gesture are you doing for me to prove your commitment?[ Parent ]
did you know I had to actually go to Time Warner and show them the official copy of my marriage license in order to get my name changed for my cable bill? They would only accept an official legal certified copy (kinda pricey, especially considering it's freakin' cable!) or my showing a copy in person to one of their reps. totally stupid.
credit card companies were awesome "what name would you like on your credit card?" i could have been "Stacky McRacky" for all they cared.[ Parent ]
And in the end, going through all that still shows your commitment to the adventure.
And more men should consider taking their wife's name. When I got married it was a serious discussion we had. We also considered choosing a new name that neither of us had before.[ Parent ]
if i pay with a credit card and my ID doesn't match the name on the card....it's a problem (this happened when i was between names).
and i had a huge issue at the airport one day - i had to purchase the ticket in my married name (it was a freebie frequent flier ticket), because the airline hadn't updated their records yet. all my IDs were in my "new" maiden name. BIG problem.
and then there was the whole time warner thing.
and my electric company had some issues when i was between names, as well.
oh, and i got a speeding ticket while between names, and had to explain everything to the cop, which he had to x-reference, etc.
you have to pick 1 name for all of your paperwork and stick with it. unless, of course, you either a) want to carry a copy of your marriage license with you everywhere or b) you just don't have any kind of document trail and never plan on making one.
when i got married the first time, i made what i thought was an awesome suggestion - we combine our names! he has an irish name, so it made sense to me to combine them - McIrishname!!! OMG just about everybody i told had a complete and total cow "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!" uh, why not? of course, he was a controlling butt-head who absolutely refused to even entertain my suggestion.[ Parent ]
And also UK business - we ended up having to get (my mother having to get hold of the vicar to get access to the marriage registry) a copy of our marriage certificate to change some of Mrs. H.'s stuff.I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. - Bill Bailey[ Parent ]
It also mattered to me that he was more than happy for me not to change it. It symbolized to him that I was an autonomous person who was part of this partnership, an equal. But it's a partnership, down to the roots, and we getting close to 20 years.
So, the name (or not) change has the meaning one ascribes to it.
1. Considering the behavior and higher divorce rates among blue state Christians, I'd say that clinging to the label may, in that case, be an attempt to cover a multitude of sins.
More importantly, I know the little one's father is still around, but will the little one and the new hubby have an official relationship?
He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.
My family address us (on holiday cards and such) as either our full names, or with my name.
It's really no big deal.--------------------------------- "You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
I work with a Kauffmanschmidt, which is the union of a Kauffman and a Schmidt.
i had no trouble changing my name on anything. of course, the utilities are still in my old name, because we plan to move soon enough that it wont matter. we have a couple copies of the marriage certificate in case anyone needs proof. the bank didnt even need to see it, just my new license. of course, they also know me there because i see them every week....--------- Dance On, Gir!
PMSbuddy.com -- Saving relationships, one month at a time!
To my surprise, Little K's kindergarten teacher is Miss $name. Ms. seems to be falling out of fashion.
"I don't have time for martial law, I have to get to the gym!" zarathus
PMSbuddy.com -- Saving relationships, one month at a time![ Parent ]
Imagine my surprise when she told me that she was in fact going to take my name! In her case, I think it was partly because her last name is (naturally) her father's, and she absolutely hates him.
