Print Story she takes his name
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By webwench (Wed May 02, 2007 at 04:36:02 PM EST) (all tags)
or not


Tell me what you think about the whole notion of the bride taking the groom's name. Please?
< Eep! | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
she takes his name | 123 comments (123 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Ok. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed May 02, 2007 at 04:42:33 PM EST
I'm watching American Idol and having a brainless night, so I'll try to reconstruct my thought processes....

I kind of went back and forth for a while, since I dislike both my middle name and my father (who gave me my last name). But then I realized that my name really is my name, and not my father's. And there's a bunch of paperwork to fill out if I change my name (social security stuff, work forms - stuff for HR and IT and who-knows-who else. My family was somewhat scandalized, but they got over it quickly. They still send me stuff to "Mrs. $Toxic  $Fur" rather than "Ms" but I don't much care.

If you decide to keep your name, then be prepared to talk to telemarketers who ask to speak to "Mrs. $partner_last_name." Or just say that no such person lives at your house. :)

Last random thought before I go pour myself a glass of whiskey - ana and I don't feel like less o a family because we don't share the same last name. And I'm not trying to sway you one way or the other, because I didn't have a strong feeling one way or the other before I got married, but I am glad I kept my name.
-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye

you still get telemarketers? by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #54 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:07:03 AM EST
You want to get that fixed

[ Parent ]
I get them too. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #57 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:17:23 AM EST
But only illegal ones pumping shares.

[ Parent ]
a specific subset of telemarketers: by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #58 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:18:34 AM EST
i.e., anybody we have an existing business relationship with (fucking Verizon, for instance, and the cable company), and all manner of charities, people wanting to do surveys, etc. No actual cold-calls in the sense that we got before the no-call list, but it's still annoying.
-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
[ Parent ]
Mrs ToxicFur by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #78 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:24:43 AM EST
according to the research we did on what the proper way to address a married woman who kept her maiden name, that is correct. you are married, hence the mrs, yet your legal name is TF.
---------
Dance On, Gir!
[ Parent ]
But- by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #79 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:27:04 AM EST
Ms is appropriate for both married and unmarried women, and being the good lesbian-ish feminist that I am, I prefer the ambiguity that Ms brings with it. :)
-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
[ Parent ]
and that is also what i told nick by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #81 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:37:26 AM EST
but he wouldnt have it. i suggested to him that we address your invite to ms, because you'd probably like it better, but he had to go and be offically correct.
---------
Dance On, Gir!
[ Parent ]
It isn't something I get all wound up about :) by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #82 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:45:38 AM EST
n/t
-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
[ Parent ]
officially correct by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #85 Thu May 03, 2007 at 09:45:02 AM EST
Ms. is officially correct.

Etiquette requires you to use the person's preferred honorific, but that being said, I don't make people call me Dr.

Unless they piss me off.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
IMO hyphenation doesn't scale well by dmg (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed May 02, 2007 at 04:56:26 PM EST
And there is a perfectly acceptable working solution in the traditional approach.

Why fix it if it isn't broken?

Call me old-fashioned, but in the unlikely event this ever became an issue for me, it would be a deal-breaker...
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.

why is that? by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #48 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:10:43 AM EST
it's just a name.  (why to not change it - because doing so is a HUGE hassle)

and would you be willing to change your name?

[ Parent ]
Of course I wouldn't change my name - I'm a MAN! by dmg (2.00 / 0) #91 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:31:38 PM EST
As I said, I'm a traditionalist.

The unwillingness of a potential spouse to change her name indicates to me that she has some sort of ill-conceived feminst 'chip on her shoulder', and that we would likley disagree on a whole host of other issues.

Having said that, the women that I have been involved with recently are not really marriage material. But that's another story...
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.

[ Parent ]
don't forget the lazy! by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #94 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:57:52 PM EST
i'm unwilling, only beacuse i'm lazy!

seriously, it's a lot of work to get one's name changed.

[ Parent ]
Well that's fine. by dmg (2.00 / 0) #107 Fri May 04, 2007 at 12:07:17 PM EST
Don't change your name then. I don't really care what other people do, and that's as good a reason as any for not changing it. However, the whole issue of what to name the offspring is more complicated.

Maybe the best way forward for people who desire equality in this area is to flip a coin, after all, if the guy changes his name, that's just replacing one form of repression with another...
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.

[ Parent ]
NoT really by Mrs FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #116 Wed May 09, 2007 at 03:28:49 PM EST


[ Parent ]
yes, really by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #120 Thu May 10, 2007 at 03:06:00 AM EST
maybe it was because i owned a house, etc. but it took me months to even get the little bit changed that i did.  the amount of paperwork i had to get together was quite staggering-just faxing a copy of my marriage license wasn't enough for a lot of places, i had to get additional forms signed and notarized.

and other places wouldn't accept faxes or copies, they had to see an original of my marriage license...which meant either ponying up quite a bit of cash or waiting in rather long lines.

[ Parent ]
I never did get my name changed by webwench (2.00 / 0) #122 Thu May 10, 2007 at 07:03:51 AM EST
on the deed for my last house... I never could figure out how exactly to do it, to be honest with you. After being divorced for seven years, I had to sign the sales contract with my old married name so everything would match :P


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

[ Parent ]
i asked my title company about that by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #123 Thu May 10, 2007 at 07:19:02 AM EST
they told me it was a massive hassle, and to not bother.  they said if i sold the house, just show up at the closing with my marriage license, and that would work.

i never got beyond that before my ex moved out, so it never mattered.

[ Parent ]
deal breaker by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #86 Thu May 03, 2007 at 09:46:35 AM EST
It was a deal breaker with one fiance. That's why he became an ex-fiance. To me it indicated a lot of other hidden expectations.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
Exactly by dmg (2.00 / 0) #92 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:32:42 PM EST
Its a proxy for a whole world-view :-)
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
[ Parent ]
Oh, you mean that world view where... by iGrrrl (4.00 / 2) #96 Thu May 03, 2007 at 01:39:27 PM EST
...women and men are equal?

(signed)
Dr. iGrrrl

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
Don't try to troll me with talk of 'equality' by dmg (2.00 / 0) #106 Fri May 04, 2007 at 12:03:54 PM EST
I was referring to the world view in which this issue has any bearing whatsoever on men or women's real or imagined 'equality'.

I mean, It's not as if I'm putting a gun to any woman's head and saying  ' change your name' - there are free choices being made on both sides, what could be more equal than that?

Like all relationships, there is an element of give and take.

You can pretend that you're 'equal', keep your own name and lose out on all the fantastic benefits being married to me would surely bring,  OR you can recognise that equality is a somewhat complex issue, change your name, and enjoy years of married bliss with a solvent, physically attractive, intelligent and well-adjusted guy.
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.

[ Parent ]
Heh by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #108 Fri May 04, 2007 at 12:12:53 PM EST
OR you can recognise that equality is a somewhat complex issue, change your name, and enjoy years of married bliss with a solvent, physically attractive, intelligent and well-adjusted guy

But I have married bliss, going on 18 years, with a physically attractive, intelligent and well-adjusted man, who is also a good bass player.

I also have a rock-solid reputation at work, pull 90 hour weeks when needed, and love my children, who are bright, funny, and also well-adjusted.

I'm a damn good cook, too.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
To clarify by dmg (2.00 / 0) #109 Fri May 04, 2007 at 12:53:06 PM EST
That wasn't a proposal.
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
[ Parent ]
didn't think it was by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #112 Sat May 05, 2007 at 02:56:51 AM EST
Just pointing out that I'm a counter example to your trollish bait. Didn't have to change my name to have the things you mentioned.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
MY trollish bait???!!!! by dmg (2.00 / 0) #113 Sat May 05, 2007 at 03:49:42 AM EST
I express my honest opinion and suddenly I'm trolling?

I'm glad you found a workable solution to the very unimportant issue of whether to change your name...
Would all those wondeful things be any less wonderful if you had changed your name?
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.

[ Parent ]
now you say it's unimportant? by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #114 Sat May 05, 2007 at 02:24:08 PM EST
The troll comment was in reference  to your choice of links.

And yes, I'd be a little different if I changed my name. $my_nickname $his_name together sounds like a bird call (think "bob-white"), and my last name is a bit unusual. To have changed my name would have changed the way people interact with me about the first thing they generally learn about a person, and also changed me in a subtle, butterfly effect sort of way. I'd still be a good cook, though.

Done now.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
I question by persimmon (4.00 / 2) #110 Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:01:32 PM EST
Whether you can claim well-adjustedness while still holding non-name-changing as a deal-breaker. You prefer it, sure, but that preference seems if not irrational, at least a-rational*; why is your preference on someone's name more important than hers?

I mean, I'd put future-spousal insistence on my name-changing in the potential deal-breaker column**, but I've never claimed to be particularly well-adjusted.

*Not a real word.
**Which column is now entirely hypothetical.

-----
"Nature is such a fucking plagarist."

[ Parent ]
I'm well adjusted, not perfect... by dmg (2.00 / 0) #111 Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:38:41 PM EST
And it's not irrational. To me changing a system which isn't broken is the irrational act. And if that makes me a penis-wielding member of the oppressive phallocracy, so be it.
--
It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
[ Parent ]
I've by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed May 02, 2007 at 04:58:35 PM EST
kept my maiden married name in use professionally and officially with the government. No hyphen so it's YH Maiden Married. 

Of course, everyone now things that my maiden is my middle name.

If I ever got struck by a meteor got married again, I'd probably switch to using the married name at least in a non formal setting.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

I like your approach by webwench (4.00 / 1) #74 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:50:28 AM EST
that way I am keeping/using both names, but without the hyphenation bit, which is unwieldy.


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

[ Parent ]
I think it's an uneeded relic by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:04:01 PM EST
as far as kids last names though...I have no idea.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

Easy. by mrgoat (4.00 / 3) #12 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:46:12 PM EST
Child's last name can just be "(Mother's last name)dotter" if the child is female, and (Father's last name)son if the child is male.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
My parents winter in Florida by wumpus (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed May 02, 2007 at 06:10:25 PM EST
where my Grandfather used to winter (so the folks there mostly knew him). When down there I have to resist the urge to introduce myself as the $wumpus-son-son-son ($wumpus-son being the surname).

Wumpus

[ Parent ]
Heh. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #53 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:02:19 AM EST
Actually I had that backwards, should be the parent's first name, so as to confuse the heck out of everyone not from Norway.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
picking of the nit by bobdole (4.00 / 1) #64 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:17:40 AM EST
That would be Iceland, not Norway. Which is also why they list their phonebooks by firstname...
-- The revolution will not be televised.
[ Parent ]
This nit, it vibrates? by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #70 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:37:50 AM EST


--top hat--
[ Parent ]
Children by komet (4.00 / 3) #32 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:43:17 AM EST
should be named by semantically mashing up the two surnames involved.

Examples:

Mr. White and Mrs. Black's children are called Grey.

Mr. Miller and Mrs. Cooper merge into the Flourbarrel family.

Mr. Knight and Mrs. Saltrivers have children called Rusty.

And so on.

--
<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.

[ Parent ]
I though a mashup by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #59 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:28:44 AM EST
would be more like
Smith + Jones = Smones
Springsteen + Ten Eyck = Ten Spring

You know, sort of in the Benifer/Tomkat mold.
--

[ Parent ]
Tell that to Filliam H. Muffman. by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #84 Thu May 03, 2007 at 09:27:00 AM EST


--top hat--
[ Parent ]
we're naming our dude by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #49 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:12:23 AM EST
with clock's surname.

[ Parent ]
It was a sign of true love by georgeha (4.00 / 4) #5 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:10:26 PM EST
for Mrs. Ha to exchange her simple, common French name of 8 letters for my complex, German, easily mispelled 11 letter long name, though a hyphenated 20 character name sounds horrendous.



well, that by yankeehack (4.00 / 4) #6 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:13:00 PM EST
and the fact that the "little german" had already invaded french territory a few times.

Sorry, just had to...
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
I met a guy once by lm (4.00 / 4) #7 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:17:40 PM EST
He was born to parents each of whom had hyphenated last names and each of whom kept those names after marriage. His legal last name was the two hyphenated names hyphenated together.

Names are symbolic. To a certain extent they reflect what you want out of the marriage. For some, they want their names to reflect the new unity that arises out of the former duality. (This doesn't have the be the wife taking the husband's name. The husband could take the wife's name - although I only know one in person example of that and it didn't end well. Or the couple could pick out a new name together.) For others, this is less important.

In any case, I think it's a decision that should be approached together.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
I think... by Vertical Frankenstein (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:29:26 PM EST
...you should make him change his last name to your last name to make up for years of oppression.  Reparations and all.

Not really.  Both of you should keep your current names.

I hyphenated by R343L (4.00 / 2) #9 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:29:28 PM EST
This is a minor piece of tension in our relationship. And in any case, it ended up using the latter half of the hyphenation most of the time.

And changing the name with everyone is a PITA. I still can't convince the bank to, even though I've brought in my marriage license, my driver's license, etc. So a bunch of financial documents use my maiden, gov't uses the hyphenated, and casually it's the married. Can't I just start being "Rachael the $CoolAttribute" and screw last names?

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot

it was an easy choice by misslake (4.00 / 2) #10 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:36:23 PM EST
for me and 256 anyway,
since mrs. my first his last and mr. his first my last both sounded ASTOUNDINGLY terrible.

we remained mr. 256 and misslake.

my personal opinion, heavily influenced by my mother, sister, and grandmother is that taking the  husband's name was archaic and unfeminist. the woman giving up her name was symbolic of submitting to the man's ownership (rather than entering an equal and consentual partnership) and therefore totally unacceptable.
all three women were not offended when someone called them mrs. husband's surname, but my grandmother and mother both would have preferred to live in an age when they could have kept their maiden names. my sister proudly remains Ms. W. Lake, and i intend to remain Ms. C. Lake. i think that unless you or your spouse feel particularly strongly about either name you should just keep the names you have already have.

a story by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:42:12 PM EST
that doesn't actually give any guidance in one direction or another, but: Once I had a job where the head of the department went by a tripartite name, where all the parts were themselves female given names -- we'll say it was April May June, though that wasn't it (that was someone my sister went to school with).

Anyway, we knew she'd been twice married (and twice divorced), with a daughter by Mr. June, who bore his name. One day, April's assistant got a call for her from someone whose voice she didn't recognize. So she asked who was calling, and the man on the other end said. "This is Dr. May. Her ex-husband."

After she transferred him, or took a message, or whatever, she said to the rest of us, "Did you realize May was actually her first husband's name?" and we all pondered the improbability of someone marrying two men who had women's names as their surnames.

Anyway, and I guess this does sorta tie in after all, I kinda like the First Maiden Married thing, depending on how attached you are to your middle name. Though that wasn't actually what I did (my middle and maiden name began with the same letter, so I collapsed them into an initial which stands for neither or both, but this obviously isn't an option I can advocate for everyone).

--
"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

my friend by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed May 02, 2007 at 06:06:24 PM EST
Hyphenated his name, her name first.

--
Click
Survival of the fittest by aethucyn (4.00 / 5) #14 Wed May 02, 2007 at 06:09:50 PM EST
This idea is not mine, but came up when I was attending a same-sex wedding. Who would take whose name, as there's no real tradition regarding it at all. You can hyphenate but what about the kids, hyphenated last name meets hyphenated last name and then they're the Jones-Smith-Doe-Goldsteins. So let's just cut it off right from the start. Regardless of the gender, you just go with the better last name. And don't give me any nonsense about how do you decide better, I think a lot of the time it's pretty clear which name is fittest.

IAWTP by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed May 02, 2007 at 07:08:54 PM EST
If he's got a cooler last name than yours - take it. Otherwise, keep 'wench'.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.
[ Parent ]
My Ex took my last name by Phage (4.00 / 1) #23 Wed May 02, 2007 at 10:20:23 PM EST
As she hated her last name and used to get a lot of stick about it at school. She didn't like her father much either.

N surprised me. We had discussed it and both names were equally dull. So I told her that she'll always be N $name to me because that was the name I knew her by when we were kids. It was all set - then she changed her mind at the last minute and took mine.

I don't know what this all means. Other than it probably matters less than people think.

[ Parent ]
To avoid extended hyphenation by Herring (4.00 / 6) #25 Wed May 02, 2007 at 10:54:44 PM EST
for the new surname, take the surnames of the new spouses and generate an MD5 hash.

This will also please future generations of genealogists.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

[ Parent ]
SHA512 please by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #38 Thu May 03, 2007 at 01:29:29 AM EST

It'll serve those genealogists right. And lead to rather long debit cards.

Yours,

Mr. e3a2b2359a6a15bd74d0623e4e5426d30d7f4a612f84220a045751819540370a
616d4b1907d52e7b8541292ba14a21f2d9c218929c95f930b774adf9972bd9f2


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
I used to think by persimmon (4.00 / 3) #16 Wed May 02, 2007 at 06:53:49 PM EST
That changing to the husband-surname was antiquated and anti-woman. My mom didn't do it; its era was over.

Then all my cousins started getting married, and every single one of them switched over. So did a good friend from college; I was horrified. What I didn't realise was that pre-immigration, Chinese women might use their husband's name as a title, but Leung Siu-ling wouldn't automatically become Moy Siu-ling, even if she was the legal Mrs. Moy.

So my mom was actually just being stodgy in her own way, and also avoiding extra paperwork--which is a venerable family tradition in its own right. I went through my own adolescent phase of being annoyed that I had my dad's surname, although that was saddled with the complexity of ethnic identity in my case. Eventually I decided, much as did toxicfur, that wherever my name had come from it was my name.

My spousal unit was quite willing to change both our names to some combination of my mom's, my dad's, or his dad's, but I kept freaking out about a combo that didn't include my birth surname, plus it's a seven-letter name which makes hyphenation  unwieldy. I would have had anywhere between nine and fifteen letters, and lost my very nice initial+surname default username.

Mostly because of my freakage over the existing alternatives, we both kept our birth names, and it's a choice I'm satisfied with today. He's antix, I'm mmon, and together we are the antix-mmons. I get plenty of mail from his family addressed to Mrs. Antix, and that's ok; I regard it as the title and not the name. They can can call me whatever they want, but that doesn't make it correct.

We also sorted out ahead of time what we are going to do should we spawn, based on how much our respective parents care. My parents have a strong preference for family first names; his dad has a strong preference for the traditional male-lineage surname, so there we go.

(Fortunately, I have a big enough family that some of them have pretty good given names.)
-----
"Nature is such a fucking plagarist."

Wow! by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #62 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:12:54 AM EST
"avoiding extra paperwork--which is a venerable family tradition in its own right."

My family has that tradition too!

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I believe it's so in many cultures by persimmon (2.00 / 0) #97 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:08:19 PM EST
Much like the sitting around discussing what was recently purchased inexpensively, the determining of who is related to who and how, and the use of pork products for almost every festive meal.

All of which I was surprised to discover that the Chinese share with the Mennonites, but I really shouldn't have been.
-----
"Nature is such a fucking plagarist."

[ Parent ]
In laws and names by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #98 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:13:38 PM EST
Not sure why your comment sparked this, but...

I don't use my legal first name, and instead have a nickname used by everyone but legal and medical professionals. It never entered my mind to change it, and my in-laws knew this. Shortly after our marriag, they sent me a nice birthday check to $nickname $his_las_name, who has no legal existence, at least as applies to me. I endorsed it as $nickname $his_las_name, Mrs. $his_name $his_las_name (since his name was on the account), $my.initials. $my_lastname.  When she got the check back from the bank, she said, "Are you trying to tell us something?"

Really, I was just trying to cash the check.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
er, by the second "it" in the second... by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #99 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:18:56 PM EST
...  sentence, I meant my last name.

Although it led to a funny moment when I was re-introduced to someone I knew before I got the nickname.

"I heard you got married. What's your name now?"

"$nickname."

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

[ Parent ]
the proximate motivating factor by persimmon (2.00 / 0) #101 Thu May 03, 2007 at 07:19:50 PM EST
for adding theantix to the bank account formerly known as mine (since he had until that point resided in Canadia) was the quantity of wedding-gift cheques written to "Mr. and Mrs. The Antix".
-----
"Nature is such a fucking plagarist."
[ Parent ]
Mrs 3 by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed May 02, 2007 at 06:56:42 PM EST
took the name, which suprised me.  I dont think you need/should/must take the name.  Hold on to your heritage unless you want change it.

----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

Do whatever *you* want to do. by lb008d (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed May 02, 2007 at 07:12:57 PM EST
He shouldn't give a rat's ass one way or another.

it's your name, do what you wish by MostlyHarmless (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed May 02, 2007 at 08:26:46 PM EST
janra didn't take my last name, and it hasn't caused too much of a problem. She's not fussed if something comes addressed to "Mostly and Janra Harmless", but if asked for her name, she invariably answers "Janra $janralastname".

The biggest confusion has been at Taekwondo where we have been called everything from "Mrs Harmless", "Ms. $janralastname", and even "Mr. $janralastname". Now that our names are stitched onto our belts, it's less of an issue though :-p

The minor irony1 is that when hitting a site that required a lastname janra did, in fact, use Janra Harmless.

What to do about the kids though, is a Discussion Yet To Be Had. Neither of us are wild about hyphenation...

-mh

1 not using the Morissette definition of ironic here...
--
[Mostly Harmless]

heh by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #27 Wed May 02, 2007 at 11:35:40 PM EST
My husband turned up as Mr. Mylastname on our travel insurance once.

[ Parent ]
In the Eyes of the Lord, you'll be his property... by chuckles (4.00 / 3) #21 Wed May 02, 2007 at 08:44:06 PM EST
so he can name you whatever he wants.

"The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin [...] would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities"
Gees Mrs C must be old skool by creo (4.00 / 2) #22 Wed May 02, 2007 at 09:32:28 PM EST
I would have had a fight on my hands if I had have suggested that she keep her maiden name.

BTW she had a very happy childhood and has extremely strong family ties, so it's nothing to do with leaving behind the past.

My own view is it is horses for courses - except that hyphenation is crap. Pick one or the other (or keep your own) and be done with it. WRT to kids, I like whomever suggested pick the "best".

Cheers
Creo.

"I shall do what I believe to be right and honourable" - Guderian

Mrs. duxup by duxup (4.00 / 1) #24 Wed May 02, 2007 at 10:31:16 PM EST
Mrs. duxup took my name.  For a while she was thinking of keeping her own but agreed the kids would pickup my name.  After a while she chose to take my name.  I'm not sure why exactly...

I do know she was quite irked when I discovered that when filling out the marriage certificate we could take the opportunity to put ANY name we wanted.  Sure the office was about to close any minute but an opportunity like that should be discussed properly  IMO.  She shut down that process after my first suggestion of Mr. and Mrs. CheeseBomb.

I could have been Mr. CheeseBomb . . .

Anyway I think it is a personal decision although I'm not entirely fond of hyphens.  I guess names are a part of a person's history but IMO the hyphenated last name system is more history than I care to deal with every time I deal with someone's name. 
____

I didn't by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #26 Wed May 02, 2007 at 11:33:24 PM EST
There were a few reasons, mostly practical.
-It would make my name the same as my sister-in-law and we lived in the same house at the time.
-I'd have to change a username in 100s of places.
-I don't trust the banks to get a name change right when they can't do an address change.
-Ditto with the govt. stuff. Imagine years of social insurance going missing?
-It wound up my conservative US relations while delighting my unmarried great-aunt.
-I don't understand the need.
-I'm that name.

I didn't refrain out of some idea of it putting me beholden to my husbands identity yada yada. From experience, overall attitude more than details makes you distinctive and the type of people to do that to you will do it anyway, regardless of name.

Mrs. H. by Herring (4.00 / 1) #30 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:37:03 AM EST
Did become Mrs. Herring (interestingly enough her previous married name also began with 'H' [Halibut]). She gets post for Mrs. Herring, Mrs. Hallibut and Ms. Sterotypical-Welsh-Surname.

Yes, passports, credit cards, driving licenses and bank accounts were a PITA and she'd only changed back from Halibut to Sterotypical-Welsh-Surname a couple of years previously. I think that's the only reason she doesn't divorce me.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

[ Parent ]
Ah yes, that well known expression by TPD (4.00 / 1) #33 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:43:23 AM EST
Keeping up with the Sterotypical-Welsh-Surnames

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
[ Parent ]
Wrong - it's the other SWS. [n/t] by Herring (2.00 / 0) #34 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:46:36 AM EST


christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
[ Parent ]
Which one? by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #39 Thu May 03, 2007 at 01:34:45 AM EST

Thomas, Evans, Williams, Davies, Edwards, Pritchard, Hughes, Morris? Other?

The English only have "Smith" ...


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Yes. One of those. [n/t] by Herring (2.00 / 0) #40 Thu May 03, 2007 at 01:48:11 AM EST


christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
[ Parent ]
What's in a name by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #28 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:31:43 AM EST
You're getting married to him, why not take his name. Unless of course he happens to be Richard Head in which case he should take yours.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
He'd be "Richard Wench"? by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #56 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:09:10 AM EST
That's not a whole lot better. Though, the other way 'round, and she'd be "Web Head", which could attract snickers.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
Dick Wench by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #61 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:11:26 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Oh, I got the joke. by mrgoat (2.00 / 0) #63 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:13:55 AM EST


--top hat--
[ Parent ]
I didn't by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #77 Thu May 03, 2007 at 07:33:55 AM EST
That's why I had to write it down.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Well, by komet (4.00 / 1) #29 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:31:59 AM EST
would he be prepared to take your name? If not, why should you take his, or indeed want to have anything at all to do with him? If yes, swapping names is interesting, but confusing and you might as well just leave things as they were.

Of course, don't listen to me; I think marriage is an anachronism in general.

--
<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.

Mrs D by TPD (4.00 / 1) #31 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:40:52 AM EST
is in actual fact Dr T, except when it suits her purposes (for junk mail - etc).

Kiddies are both D though (though Pepsi does have T as a middle name).

Does that makes sense? thought not!

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM

Dr T? by ambrosen (4.00 / 2) #41 Thu May 03, 2007 at 02:06:48 AM EST
As in Dr Thrustgood?

Well I never!

[ Parent ]
I'm fairly sure it's a different Dr T by TPD (4.00 / 1) #42 Thu May 03, 2007 at 02:26:46 AM EST
I know this because she's been driving for several years now.

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
[ Parent ]
Wife taking the groom's name by Herring (4.00 / 1) #35 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:48:10 AM EST
Surname - maybe; first name - probably not; both - definitely not. HTH.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
My thoughts by ShadowNode (4.00 / 1) #36 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:50:24 AM EST
I've bounced around the idea that if I ever got married, I'd like to come up with something new to both of us. Perfectly fair, and avoids hyphen nonsense.

Be modern by DullTrev (4.00 / 1) #37 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:52:10 AM EST

A marriage is a new stage in your life, a new era, and needs to be commemorated as such. So yes, change your name. To Mrs Wench v2.0. Or Mrs Wench 2007. Or Mrs Wench-Vista! I'll stop now.

Personally, I don't get it. My brother is getting married this summer, and I was surprised to find his fiancee would be taking his name. Surprised because she has Scottish heritage, and is very proud of it, and her name reflects it. My family's last name certainly does not.

If it was me, I wouldn't mind if my hypothetical wife took my last name or not, though I wouldn't change mine to hers. I mean, I am who I am. If anything, I might be vaguely freaked out by someone who enthusiastically took my last name, so willing to give up their identity. (Of course, that's probably because I am bitter and dead inside, with no scrap of romance left.)

When it comes to kids, however, I'd want them to have my last name. It's something akin to chest-beating in gorillas.

I guess it comes down to the two of you. Forget about what parents, co-workers, the post office, the government, religion, people on the street and, most importantly, random people on the internet think. What feels right to you two?


--
DFJ?
I didn't because by paperdoll (4.00 / 1) #43 Thu May 03, 2007 at 02:52:03 AM EST
a friend told me she had a terrible time getting her transcripts when she went back to school to get her Masters because of the name change.  At the time we both had planned on me eventually going back to school.  We discussed it and decided it was more hassle than anything else, so I didn't. 

hmmmm by Mrs FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #118 Wed May 09, 2007 at 04:11:42 PM EST
I changed my name at the school (community college) years after I left there & have no problem getting transcripts. They go by SS# & DOB. Plus they always ask for all names you have gone by. At least here in Cali that's how it is done.

Wheeee...Flyin` is Fun!!

Wheeee...Flyin' is Fun!!

[ Parent ]
wow, lot of responses by alprazolam (4.00 / 2) #44 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:03:19 AM EST
i have to say i don't think it says anything bad about you to take his last name. imo it means you think it will last, that you won't "need" your maiden name again. i don't really see it as a "symbol of subservience" or anything silly like that.

Missing Poll Option: by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #45 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:04:31 AM EST
  • All of the above.
  • Talk it over with him. If you come to an agreement, do that. If not, do what you want. Just be consistent once you've decided.

    well... by clock (4.00 / 1) #46 Thu May 03, 2007 at 03:44:22 AM EST
    ...you know what we did.  and it caused a little confusion at the last ultrasound.

    nurse: is there a $clock[official_neverused_firstname] here?

    wating room ... crickets ...

    me: uh...maybe?

    nurse: c'mon. 

    me: uh...i might be seeing something i'm not supposed to see?

    nurse:  your wife said that you two have different last names because she was too lazy to change hers.

    me:  that's my girl!

    in short, why bother?  paperwork is the enemy.  and who needs another aka?  other than me...


    I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

    personally by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #47 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:08:55 AM EST
    i was too lazy to do it the 2nd time.  i changed my name for my first marriage, and the whole process sucked.

    i didn't even get to things like the house, or mortgage or anything like that (which turned out for the better in my case).

    people can call me Mrs. clock until they're blue in the face, and that doesn't bother me a bit.  but the thought of all the phone calls, faxes, certified signatures, standing in lines......yuck.  no thanks, i'll just keep my name.

    that's what I said by webwench (2.00 / 0) #66 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:25:34 AM EST
    He feels it would place him second to my first husband, whose name I took... :/

    Actually, his last name is pretty cool.


    Getting more attention than you since 1998.

    [ Parent ]
    you never changed back by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #68 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:37:01 AM EST
    after your divorce?

    [ Parent ]
    I did by webwench (4.00 / 1) #71 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:44:48 AM EST
    I was an A$ before the first marriage, became an S$ during marriage, and went back to A$ as part of the divorce. In his mind, among other considerations, me not changing from A$ to B$ for him means I am making less of a commitment to him than I did for Mr S$. I see his viewpoint, even though that's not my motivation, at all, to be reluctant to change my name.

    That said, if it is that important to him, which it is, it's important to me to take that into account.


    Getting more attention than you since 1998.

    [ Parent ]
    i always laugh at the argument by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 4) #76 Thu May 03, 2007 at 07:26:24 AM EST
    "if you don't change your name, it means you're not committed to me!"

    ok, dude.  so, what equivalent gesture are you doing for me to prove your commitment?

    [ Parent ]
    Well.... by dmg (2.00 / 0) #93 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:44:29 PM EST
    Guys are generally expected to give up sleeping around...
    --
    It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
    [ Parent ]
    not equivalent by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #95 Thu May 03, 2007 at 12:58:58 PM EST
    stop sleeping around = doing less work.

    [ Parent ]
    TX must suck by Mrs FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #117 Wed May 09, 2007 at 03:56:18 PM EST
    Or maybe things have just changed since 1997. I didn't have any hassle at all here in Cali, when changing my name. I've done it 3 times now, each time was pretty darn simple.

    Wheeee...Flyin` is Fun!!

    Wheeee...Flyin' is Fun!!

    [ Parent ]
    stuff with the state was easy by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #121 Thu May 10, 2007 at 03:07:28 AM EST
    but every other institution had its own set of rules on how to get my name changed.

    [ Parent ]
    Marriage is a solemn vow... by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #50 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:22:36 AM EST
    My feelings on marriage is that an individual should be jumping into it wholeheartedly.  By agreeing to a change of name you are agreeing to a true commitment.  I do find it sexist that only the woman traditionally changes her name, so I'm not against him taking your pre-marriage name.  Hyphenation is too liberal for my tastes, and I'm a social-liberal.  If you're going to commit then commit all the way.  Otherwise live together because there isn't as much commitment involved. 




    ---------------
    Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
    if only by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #51 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:28:42 AM EST
    businesses agreed with you.

    did you know I had to actually go to Time Warner and show them the official copy of my marriage license in order to get my name changed for my cable bill?  They would only accept an official legal certified copy (kinda pricey, especially considering it's freakin' cable!) or my showing a copy in person to one of their reps.  totally stupid.

    credit card companies were awesome "what name would you like on your credit card?"  i could have been "Stacky McRacky" for all they cared.

    [ Parent ]
    Oh, I remember, but by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #52 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:32:29 AM EST
    Just remember that legally you can use any name you want anywhere you want.  On legal documents you have to use your legal name.  So Social Security, the IRS, and the DMV are the only places that really matter.  It does impact your work, and I know that the IT people are dicks when it comes to changing accounts, but all the rest is really irrelevant and can be done whenever it needs to be done.

    And in the end, going through all that still shows your commitment to the adventure. 

    And more men should consider taking their wife's name.  When I got married it was a serious discussion we had.  We also considered choosing a new name that neither of us had before.




    ---------------
    Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."

    [ Parent ]
    actually, you can't by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #55 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:07:53 AM EST
    in this day and age, everything has to match.

    if i pay with a credit card and my ID doesn't match the name on the card....it's a problem (this happened when i was between names).

    and i had a huge issue at the airport one day - i had to purchase the ticket in my married name (it was a freebie frequent flier ticket), because the airline hadn't updated their records yet.  all my IDs were in my "new" maiden name.  BIG problem.

    and then there was the whole time warner thing.

    and my electric company had some issues when i was between names, as well.

    oh, and i got a speeding ticket while between names, and had to explain everything to the cop, which he had to x-reference, etc.

    you have to pick 1 name for all of your paperwork and stick with it.  unless, of course, you either a) want to carry a copy of your marriage license with you everywhere or b) you just don't have any kind of document trail and never plan on making one.

    when i got married the first time, i made what i thought was an awesome suggestion - we combine our names!  he has an irish name, so it made sense to me to combine them - McIrishname!!!  OMG just about everybody i told had a complete and total cow "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!"  uh, why not?  of course, he was a controlling butt-head who absolutely refused to even entertain my suggestion.

    [ Parent ]
    That's who is destroying marriage by Herring (4.00 / 1) #65 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:22:26 AM EST
    it's not the homos, it's American Business.

    And also UK business - we ended up having to get (my mother having to get hold of the vicar to get access to the marriage registry) a copy of our marriage certificate to change some of Mrs. H.'s stuff.

    christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

    [ Parent ]
    he somewhat sees it that way by webwench (4.00 / 1) #73 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:47:29 AM EST
    When I suggested that perhaps he could take my name, though, that was unthinkable, which I find funny, from my viewpoint.


    Getting more attention than you since 1998.

    [ Parent ]
    vows, indeed by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #104 Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:46:43 AM EST
    My marriage vows are one of my two sets of guiding vows, but changing my name wouldn't have made any difference in my behavior. To me, the behavior matters, not the label.1

    It also mattered to me that he was more than happy for me not to change it. It symbolized to him that I was an autonomous person who was part of this partnership, an equal. But it's a partnership, down to the roots, and we getting close to 20 years.

    So, the name (or not) change has the meaning one ascribes to it.

    1. Considering the behavior and higher divorce rates among blue state Christians, I'd say that clinging to the label may, in that case, be an attempt to cover a multitude of sins.

    "Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
    (and thanks to Scrymarch)

    [ Parent ]
    I'm just old fashioned by jimgon (2.00 / 0) #105 Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:24:54 AM EST
    For a liberal Democrat.




    ---------------
    Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
    [ Parent ]
    Well, it's all up to you... by atreides (4.00 / 1) #60 Thu May 03, 2007 at 05:47:19 AM EST
    Welsh Girl says she'll take my last name. On the other hand my sister (spiritual since I'm an only child) didn't take her husband's name but the kids one day will have his. Nobody's in a tissy over it so do what feels good.

    More importantly, I know the little one's father is still around, but will the little one and the new hubby have an official relationship?

    He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.

    no official relationship by webwench (2.00 / 0) #67 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:31:03 AM EST
    i.e. there wouldn't be any adoption proceedings or name changes for the kidlet, because the kidlet of course has a full relationship with his dad.


    Getting more attention than you since 1998.

    [ Parent ]
    Just be sure by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #69 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:37:20 AM EST
    My wife waffled, which is the worst thing you can do. She is known at work as Mrs $Wife, the credit card company as Mrs. $Wife-$Khead, other places as Mrs. $Khead. (With other her maiden name or her middle name as the middle name.)
    ---
    [ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
    My wife kept her name, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #72 Thu May 03, 2007 at 06:45:08 AM EST
    and we've had no awkwardness about it, but kids would complicate things.

    My family address us (on holiday cards and such) as either our full names, or with my name.

    It's really no big deal.
    ---------------------------------
    "You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

    We're planning on by barooo (4.00 / 1) #75 Thu May 03, 2007 at 07:21:25 AM EST
    Officially changing her name so that it's $firstname $middlename $maidenname $marriedname, and leaving mine alone, although we also talked about changing our last name (both of us) to be $hername$lastsuffixofmylastname.  That's also the domain name we registered :)

    I work with a Kauffmanschmidt, which is the union of a Kauffman and a Schmidt.


    man, i need a beefy taco now.
    -gzt
    i did by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #80 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:27:53 AM EST
    but i liked his better, and had no particular attachment to my maiden name. i had no professional reputation connected with my name, or any copyrights or patents or anything...

    i had no trouble changing my name on anything. of course, the utilities are still in my old name, because we plan to move soon enough that it wont matter. we have a couple copies of the marriage certificate in case anyone needs proof. the bank didnt even need to see it, just my new license. of course, they also know me there because i see them every week....
    ---------
    Dance On, Gir!

    Successful Professional Women keep their own names by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #83 Thu May 03, 2007 at 09:09:45 AM EST
    LET THAT BE YOUR GUIDE.

    "To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

    Why do you hate Hillary Rodham Clinton? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #87 Thu May 03, 2007 at 09:58:09 AM EST
    She could be our next President.


    [ Parent ]
    I kept mine by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #88 Thu May 03, 2007 at 10:03:37 AM EST
    He wouldn't have it any other way, although his family was miffed. (Also, if you put the name people call me with his last name, it sounds like a birdcall.) The kids have his name. Now that the kids are in school, I get called Mrs. $their_last_name.

    To my surprise, Little K's kindergarten teacher is Miss $name. Ms. seems to be falling out of fashion.

    "Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
    (and thanks to Scrymarch)

    and thank God for that. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #90 Thu May 03, 2007 at 11:24:56 AM EST
    It's an ugly kludge of a word.

    "To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

    [ Parent ]
    It seemed to me by skippy (4.00 / 1) #89 Thu May 03, 2007 at 10:26:27 AM EST
    that my fiancee would keep her last name.  She's independent, proud, etc. etc. and so her taking my name just wasn't too important to me.

    Imagine my surprise when she told me that she was in fact going to take my name!  In her case, I think it was partly because her last name is (naturally) her father's, and she absolutely hates him.

    I don't have anything else to add. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #100 Thu May 03, 2007 at 04:46:03 PM EST
    I just wanted to leave the 100th comment. And, uh, people take names way seriously, it seems.
    -----
    inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
    ONE HUNDRED AND SECOND POST by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #102 Thu May 03, 2007 at 08:27:09 PM EST

    When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

    [ Parent ]
    I don't really care about names by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #103 Fri May 04, 2007 at 01:09:28 AM EST
    After all, I'll have got to know the person I marry by a surname other than my own, so why should what they use matter.

    But I realise I forgot to congratulate you on the forthcoming nuptials, and that won't do. Congratulations! May your (and his) current happiness last for ever, and only grow greater. I guess it makes waiting to your mid 30s all the more worth it.

    We considered a mashup by fencepost (2.00 / 0) #115 Sat May 05, 2007 at 08:17:54 PM EST
    We contemplated a mashup "Milletio," but I suspect that my fiance's going to be changing to Miller. If we go the other way it won't be a big deal except for the headaches of changing names and dealing with everyone going "Wait, you're a guy - why did your name change?"

    On name changing: by Mrs FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #119 Wed May 09, 2007 at 04:25:31 PM EST
    In my first marriage, I changed to his last name, but on my drivers license, bank account & passport it was $First $Middle $Maiden $His_Last_Name. This actually proved helpful in the divorce when I returned to my Maiden name, all I had to do was drop the $His_Last_Name. It was kinda funny though, he wanted to force me to go back to my Maiden name!!! As if his last name was anything special!

    I wasn't gonna change it again, but I love FT so much, I wanted us to "match", plus if we were to ever have kids I didn't want to have any hassles about why the last names didn't match.

    I would have said to keep your last name so it matched your kidlet's name, but since I saw this it is a moot point.

    My brother (who albeit has no spine & no balls) took his wife's lastname. (She had converted to judism from luthern & had made up her last name when she finished her hebrew school & whatever all else she had to do to become jewish.) This deeply hurt my dad. I think mostly because my bro didn't bother to explain anything as to why he chose to do it & dad just saw it as a type of treason against the family.

    But really bottom line it is up to the two of you to decide.

    Congrats again on the impending doom marriage.

    Wheeee...Flyin` is Fun!!

    Wheeee...Flyin' is Fun!!

    she takes his name | 123 comments (123 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback