Print Story I don't know why I came back here
Health
By Orion Blastar (Thu Apr 05, 2007 at 10:21:08 AM EST) schizoaffective disorder, Orion Blastar, recovery, returning (all tags)
I was reading Michael Crawford's Vancouver Diaries and saw that Husi link.

I am not sure why I left here in the first place, maybe because of the teasing?

My health recovers and then gets bad again.



Like Michael I have schzio affective disorder, but unlike him I am not really as liked. Michael was able to continue his IT career while I ended up on disability. I face a lot of stress and hardships from former employers to places on the Internet.

I know that people here have teased me, even wrote some Orion Blastar gay porno fiction stories, etc. Just that my schizoaffective disorder makes me take it all as stress and it makes me sicker. I guess in the past I tried to tease back or attack back when I thought I was being attacked. I am trying to become "nicer" than I was before last time I was here. I've really suffered a lot in my life, so much that in the past it lead to suicidal behavior. Sometimes I create other user names to try and deal with it, and I am trying to stop doing that as well.

I want to write programs again. I used to write in Visual BASIC 6.0 but now I am trying to learn Visual BASIC 2005, Visual C#, and Python. To do something creative again and maybe find a way off of my disability.

I guess I just don't know how to be social, I have a hard time trying to smile or even be happy. I get discriminated against a lot because of my schizoaffective disorder in real life an on the Internet.

I just wonder how other people with schizoaffective disorder can still have careers and have good relationships with other people without the illness getting in the way like it does for me.

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