Chuckie, the epitome of "sloth", is supposed to be the system administrator for $DynaCorp. A few months ago he asked mommy about a problem he was having. Mommy asked him to tell her all about his troubles. Chuckie didn't want to give away everything at once and Mommy spent two months trying to extract the information she needed from a sullen and stubborn Chuckie. As Mommy continued to tell Chuckie that $VPN software looked more and more like the culprit with every update, Chuckie finally just stopped responding rather than sending in the logs we needed. No further response. Root Cause: 6-Customer Error. Case closed.
REC: And that should've been the end of it.
All: But it wasn't. It never is.
Hi! We have had an ongoing issue with hangs when we work with attached files. Please see ticket FS-041206C9 for details. We now know the hang is related to attachment size and can happen very intermittently. The client has $VPN installed. Note it does not need to be running just installed. I'm looking for information on what is generating this issue. Please assign this ticket to European resources! Thanks, ChuckieWTF? Chuckie's in Cali-fore-nye-ae. Why would he want someone in the EU to handle this? The fuckwits normally bitch if the monkey they get isn't in their same goddamned time zone. Clicky-clicky let's find out what the hell Chuckie's been up to.
I thought so. Chuckie has asked a few different Mommies, all of whom responded in the same nurturing, tender fashion. And now?
REC: Chuckie decided to ask daddy.
All: Who's yo daddy?
It's time for a little tough love, and my father's admonition all those years ago was pretty close to the answer I sent to Chuckie:
ReallyEvilPuppy,Get rid of $VPN or talk to their support. If the problem happens even when $VPN isn't running but only on machines on which it's been installed, it's changing DLLs and registry values and fucking things up for $OurBigApp. If you're an administrator you should be able to at least understand this basic logic.
Three times you've asked your mother if you could go to a movie and three times she's told you to first show her the listings. Then you came to me and said she agreed that you could go -- hoping that I wouldn't check up or contradict her -- when she said no such thing. She said you could go if I said it was OK, which I never did.
Under no circumstances will you be allowed to go to an R-rated film. If you want to go to the movies again you will bring us the movie listing and reviews. Is that clear?
One mommy happened to be on-line and I let her know that Chuckie's back. She wrote back that she let her DynaCorp ticket go on longer than it should've to give Chuckie the benefit of the doubt. Oh yeah? Well if he comes back this time without the movie lis..., I mean, server and Ethereal logs, Daddy's gonna send him out to the woodshed.
This ticket, as with all those handled by the mommies before, will close with a Root Cause:6, but Chuckie's asking the same goddamned question five times and refusing to invoke the simplest bits of logic help build the case for my demand: Give us monkeys a Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit!
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