Print Story I trust my fingers.

Inside, bitching about wounds, but rejoicing in unpacked-ness. You may or may not want to bother with this one, dudes. It's arty, though. I'll give it that.



ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

Fucking Leyendecker

I seriously can't stop whistling the vocoded line from what amounts to the bridge of that song, and it's a little bit out of control. My shuffle was on repeat today, my last day of being a Two Apartment-Having Dude, as I biked the 13 miles home. Just under 45 minutes. God damn stop lights. It ruins your momentum, yo! Oh well, it does give you time to pause and assess just how much that purple watermelon you call an ankle hurts. Play through the pain, bitches. Play through the pain.

My doctor's secretary called to confirm my appointment for Wednesday of this week, scheduled six months ago. Apparently, they haven't received the summons yet. I cancelled. She thanked me for my consideration in letting them know. You called me, dude! OOOH, IS THAT SARCASM? Well, we shall see who gets the joke, when the paperwork arrives. I sure hope that sarcasm can be sprinkled over your Newports and smoked to get you high, OTHERWISE IT WON'T BE VERY FUNNY FOR YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT, WILL IT? KEKEKE! I'm sorry, what now?

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

Again, how I roll.

So, I'm rolling down Stevens Creek (ATTENTION INTARWEB STALKERS: THIS IS MY COMMUTE PATH, JOT IT DOWN AND SAVE IT IN YOUR HOME DIRECTORY, SO THAT WHEN I TURN UP DEAD, YOU TURN UP IN GUANTANAMO BAY WHILE THEY QUIZ YOU OVER WHAT'S ON UR HARD DRIVE, PWNING UR CAREERZ) past where it turns into San... Somethingorother... Carlos, maybe? Oh, if only there were a website one could use to find such things out... Well, anyway, I'm rolling into downtown San José, or, as I like to call it, San José, and what do I spy, but another fucking white dude with a Palestinian flag and a placard, standing on the corner, blathering on about oppression.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

What the fuck. You know, the main reason, besides the long-ass commute, that I don't live in the city, was that I presumed street-corner morons with self-loathing problems and a megaphone were more likely to live up north. And possibly East. SOUTH BAY, BITCH! WHATUP?

Today, I am disappointed in my fellow San Josesians (I don't know exactly how that's pronounced. I'm sorry, I just don't.). I am, however, quite pleased - dare I say - ECSTATIC, about my complex punctuation skillz. Know where I learned that shit?

College.

What does it all mean?

Who cares! My desk is unpacked, and my computer work area cabled, and those cables? They're FUCKING VELCRO'D TO THE FRAME OF THE DESK, SO THAT WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE DESK, YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING SEE THE CABLES! It's called professionalism, people. Look it up.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

Whoa, did I mention that earlier this week, theantix and I saw "Hot Fuzz"? Nobody tell his wife, but it's totally a gay porn movie. For realz. Shhh! That's on the downlow, don't tell nobody I killed nobody.

That's a Pharcyde quote, by the way. Your Honor. Sir. I'm just a post-modern quotin' supergenius, Your Honor, sir.

You guys should totally see my hands right now. They're all withered and scarred, and I have bandaids on three of ten fingers (do thumbs count as fingers, and if so, by what standard? I mean, they're OPPOSITIONEY! That sort of biological behavior shouldn't be promoted, it should be discouraged! WE ARE NO BETTER THAN THE CHIMPS, YOU CHIMPS.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

Fucking Leyendecker. HURRY UP, END UP THE MONTH! What's this talk of this bittorrent shit, again?

Are bloggers journalists? Sure, they're retarded journalists. With no training. Or skills. Or any other redeeming qualities as human beings. ROUND. THEM. UP.

Why, given that one was in a position to enjoy the low-hanging fruit inherent in Empire, would one not do so? I love me, bitches. I. Love. Me.

And I want my free fucking oil. I recall the slogan being something along the lines that would indicate the amount of blood spilled would result in some free oil by now. Just sayin', is all.

Whoa, it's kind of like mindless, knee-jerk slogans are pretty much bitter, petty and in bad taste, all the time! Weird. I need to send some emails to some dudes.

But, anyway, what I wanted to say to you people is that I trust my fingers. I put them on the keyboard, and I send them shit, and they do my bidding. I give them tools, and they use those tools, and sometimes they end up hurting themselves, but never too bad, really. TIMEX IS WHAT THEY ARE LIKE.

I just hope the poor saps who read this whole thing heard it in my voice, with that fucking BATTLES song playing over and over, like it sounded here when I wrote it. Lates.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

Holy shit, that was supposed to be ironic.

Also, Jason Calacanis is a Douchebag. Googlejuice gets your fingers sticky.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

)

I'll bet you thought I forgot, didn't you. Well, I didn't. All part of the plan. Now, nothing to see here, move along, please. YOU, IN THE BACK, I SAID MOVE ALONG. MOVE ALONG, OR BE ADDED TO THIS LIST HERE!

I had bangers and mash for dinner, and some Smithwicks. Not the best meal I ever had, but it was across the street, so there's that. It's almost civilized.

ooooooh, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhh ooooooo oooh oohoo oh ohoh ohohoh ooooooooh oooooooeeeeeoooohhhh

DUN NUH, DUN NUH, DUH NUH, DUH NUH

< Rough few weeks. | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
I trust my fingers. | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Mmmm... NEWPORTS by ammoniacal (4.00 / 3) #1 Mon Apr 30, 2007 at 09:09:04 PM EST
I suppose that's some sort of Manchurian-Candidate-esque code word for activating my killing skillz.

WILCO

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

ROGER, OVER. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #10 Tue May 01, 2007 at 05:21:15 AM EST

RADIO SILENCE UNLESS THERE IS A MISSION CHANGE, OVER.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
periodically by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #2 Mon Apr 30, 2007 at 09:31:45 PM EST
there are strange protests on the corner of el camino and jefferson in redwood city. they always leave me somewhat taken aback.
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
I already think protesting is a waste of protestor by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #9 Tue May 01, 2007 at 05:20:28 AM EST

time, but one or two dudes standing on a corner, trying to persuade people who don't make policy that a major policy change is necessary? Seems like their time would be better spent at home, getting high, and playing video games.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Sounds pretty lame by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #13 Tue May 01, 2007 at 07:08:35 AM EST
I much prefer San Francisco, where you've got things like the guy pacing back and forth in front of Abercromby and Fitch with a sandwich board containing a rant about the Whore of Babylon.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Crazy street-corner nutjobs of the entertaining by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #20 Tue May 01, 2007 at 06:18:53 PM EST

variety would be a welcome sight. We have one of those, apparently, though I've not seen him myself. He has odd hours, probably as a result of being crazy. At least that's the excuse I always use for having odd hours.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Actually by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #23 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:40:44 AM EST
From what I've seen, the truly wacked-out, batshit insane protesters are extremely punctual.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Agreed. by dmg (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue May 01, 2007 at 11:37:41 AM EST
The only worthwhile/useful form of protest is trolling the living fuck out of people on the internet...
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It's horribly inaccurate, oddly biased, and to top it all off they misspelled Linux.
[ Parent ]
Whoa, I'm a dirty protestor? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #21 Tue May 01, 2007 at 06:24:58 PM EST

Alright, where did I leave that wire brush, anyway...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I was reading your diary ... by me0w (4.00 / 2) #3 Tue May 01, 2007 at 02:27:59 AM EST
And all of a sudden I had to go make poops! Thank you!!


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

That's why I'm here, me0w by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #8 Tue May 01, 2007 at 05:19:06 AM EST

Happy to spread a little having-to-go-poop sunshine, wherever I go!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Do you pronounce it by blixco (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue May 01, 2007 at 03:10:39 AM EST
San Ah Zay?  Or San Ho Zay?
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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
I go with San ho ZAY by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #7 Tue May 01, 2007 at 05:18:24 AM EST

Or sometimes, if I'm feeling saucy, "The Ho". I don't feel saucy that often. Mainly, I'm tired and beat down.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Are bloggers journalists? by jimgon (4.00 / 2) #5 Tue May 01, 2007 at 03:50:05 AM EST
You should ask Bill Moyer.  He seeems to be the only one left alive who cares about the profession.




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Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
Strangely enough, I have a friend who is a by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #6 Tue May 01, 2007 at 05:15:29 AM EST

journalist who works for Bill Moyer. I'll just ask him at band practice.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
But for the record by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #11 Tue May 01, 2007 at 06:05:06 AM EST
I agree that they only qualify if you assume a journalist doesn't need education, duly noted research, or common sense.




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Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
[ Parent ]
Humanity is going down the crapper, I tells ya by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue May 01, 2007 at 06:17:17 PM EST

I say flush twice, to get rid of all the stains.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
True, true by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:08:29 AM EST
I just hope the roaches use a seat liner when it's their turn to run the show.




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Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
[ Parent ]
Their turn? by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #24 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:42:02 AM EST
They already run the show...we're just here to provide them crumbs.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
You are a gentleman and a scholar, sir! by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue May 01, 2007 at 07:06:23 AM EST
I'm sorry, but "retarded journalist" is redundant.

You should have moved to Walnut Creek. No one protests anything here. (Except maybe the lack of stroller parking at California Pizza Kitchen.)

Now that you are a bicyclist, will you be joining Critical Mass so I can flip you off as you ride by?
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

i bet by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue May 01, 2007 at 07:46:16 AM EST
if you put up clotheslines in your front yard, you could get the neighbors to protest.

or sue.

isn't suing the upper-middle-class method of protest?
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
heh by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue May 01, 2007 at 10:14:53 AM EST
Not my neighbors. It's a very polite cul-de-sac.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
upper middle class protest by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue May 01, 2007 at 01:00:06 PM EST
buying a volvo instead of a mercedes.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

[ Parent ]
See, that's what I'm talking about by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue May 01, 2007 at 06:16:29 PM EST

The shitty retard-journalists ruin it for the good ones, and ruin the whole "news reading experience" for the general populace.

I dated a girl from Walnut Creek, once. Actually, she was born in New Jersey, but she went to hochschule in Walnut Creek, and, man, did she ever know how to... uh, what was I talking about here? Oh yeah; stroller parking. And the lack thereof. And how heinous that is of California Pizza Kitchen to not fix the problem.

Also, while I'm not the sort of asshole who joins Critical Mass (which is not to say I'm not another kind of asshole, as I most certainly am), you can still feel free to flip me off as I ride by. Just don't wave your Palestinian flag in my face! I am, after all, human, and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.

Obviously, that was a joke. I don't have the faintest interest in being loved, and I think people, in general, could likely do without such delusion if they were forced to. At least I intend to try and find out. Not you, though. You're cool. After all, you gots a cute little dude, and, damnit, that's almost as awesome as a puppy!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
feel the love by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed May 02, 2007 at 05:43:15 AM EST
Oh come on, I love ya man...I almost love you enough to buy a Palestinian flag!
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
I trust my fingers. | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback