Print Story Non Developmental Motivic Cells ... THIS DICK.

Ether This, Ether That, Eat This Sandwich
Sing the hook, whooooayyyyohhhh.



How Multicam Was Invented

Thank God the killing at Virginia Tech is done; now the weblog punditocracy can get back to the important business of bickering with each other about whose politics caused the whole thing. You know, you see something awful happen, and then the people dealing with the tragedy are being noble, and you start to say, "well, I guess humanity's better aspects come out under great trauma", then you look at the Internet, and all the metaphoric knobgobblers (used in the Sixth Gradian sense of the term) are blathering on, despite the fact that no one asked them what their opinion was. OMFG, DUDES WHO STALK WOMEN LATER KILL PEOPLE! OMFG, GUNS KILL PEOPLE! OMFG, PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE!

Blogs: A net loss for humanity.

Takes On Shades of the Surrounding Environment

Seriously, people, who let Bruce Schneier out of his cage, anyway? I remember the days where Schneier used to discuss cryptography and computer security all the time. These days, when he's not poopooing every physical/national security idea with less than 100% guaranteed success, he's proferring even dumber ideas, like the idea that we should all be really nice to security threats, because kindness kills! First off, when the fuck did Bruce Schneier go and learn about physical and national security? I keep looking at his resume, and all I see is nerd shit. I see nothing indicating any credentials on physical security, other than his predictable BUSHITLAR reactions every time something about DHS makes the news.

Schneier: go back to talking about what you know. Let the grown-ups take care of the other stuff. They have, you know, training in that stuff, lamer.

Disguises Volume and Shape

Poops for the last week have been pretty soft, if not outright liquidy. Chalk it up to stress, I suppose. Today, however, thanks to the miracle of Lasagna For Dinner Last Night, my poops were hard like little rocks, and left no trail of fecal doom whatsoever. VIRTUAL NO-WIPER, Y'ALL!

Balanced Scale and Contrast

Could someone please cancel water service at the old apartment, and call Rentacenter to get them to pick up my beds and washer and dryer now that I no longer need them? Well, I mean, I need the bed for two more days. But not really. Anyway, I'm just really busy, and it seems like everything is closed in the evening when I'm finally clear to do stuff.

Battles Battlefield Intel Debriefing

I've talked about Battles before. Through the proverbial "small world" phenomenon, I am familiar with Stanier and Williams of the band "Battles". For one, we know people in common from Chicago. The band also shares their practice space with another friend of mine from New York, Mr. Randy Costanza, of the Victoria Lucas.

Anyway, this week, I started seeing hints that Battles first full length album, "Mirrored" is finally almost ready to come out. They've released a single, called "Atlas", which is available from the iTunes Music Store currently. It also has a video, viewable on Youtube. The comments on that thread are, at times, highly amusing. Seems you either love Battles, you just don't get Battles, or you're too busy posturing yourself as a cynical post-rock knowitall to accept the Fact that Battles is the Most Rockinest Modern Band of Our Age.

What is it about music that makes people think their uninformed opinions are just as valid as anyone else's? I'll never understand that. You rarely hear dipshit gas station clerks spouting off about design flaws in Jarvik's artificial heart, or about the need to rewrite network syslog server software from the ground up. You know why that is? It's because they don't understand those things, and they know other people do. Somehow, though, every dipshit on Earth thinks they're entitled to an opinion about what is, and is not, "good music".

I don't see the need to use so many instruments :( the rythm is hypnotic but nothing else... it says nothing, they're just a band of common guys trying to sound COOL but even they doesn't know what the he.. are doing.
Yeah, they "don't even know what the hell they're doing". Well, someone doesn't know what the hell Battles is doing, but it isn't Battles, douchebag. It's you. In fact, you're only marginally less retarded than this douchebag:
The minimalist accumulation of non developmental motivic cells ( which are largely rhythmic in this track), just isn't that interesting. This just sounds a bit lost methinks, perhaps falling awkwardly between pop and math rock. What a shame, they were my fav band of recent years.

You know what's not that interesting? Dudes who use phrases like "non developmental motivic cells". I only know two types of those dudes: music teachers (those who cannot do, teach, and then make up terms to describe the activities of those who can do), and dudes on the Intarwebs looking to appear smarter than they are. Listen to "Atlas". If you don't hear development of "motivic cells", you are fucking deaf or retarded. Or both.

But fuck all that noise; no number of shitbrained critics commenting on the untouchable Battles, and how they look like "a bunch of gay college boys", will ever do a better job of persuading you that they rock than the music, itself, will. Prepare yourself!

Battles Rocks, Bullshit Walks.

I think that pretty much makes my case. And now, a short, shameful, but awesome, confession: I've basically listened to "Atlas" non-stop for the last four days. It's the only song on my iPod shuffle.

Yeah, my iPod shuffle is named after that adorable German baby polar bear. What the fuck else would I name such a device of that level of cute-itude?

OK, time to go get the electric car and cruise around the Dairy Queen parking lot, y'all. See you there. I'll be the dude touching his own junk in public.

Update [2007-4-18 21:14:47 by MohammedNiyalSayeed]:: I figured I should add this link for our European Overlords, should they care to venture out to see the MOST ROCKINEST MODERN BAND OF ALL TIME. Hell, fuck it, I'll just copy and paste the schedule, too...

  1. May 9 2007 8:00P, Halfenclan Exil , Hamburg, Germany
  2. May 10 2007 8:00P, Maria , Berlin, Germany
  3. May 11 2007 8:00P, JZ Kamp , Bielefeld, Germany
  4. May 12 2007 8:00P, Studio 672 , Koln, Germany
  5. May 14 2007 8:00P, Paradiso (room 2) , Amsterdam
  6. May 15 2007 8:00P, AB  , Brussels
  7. May 16 2007 8:00P, Scala (+ Clark)  , London
  8. May 17 2007 8:00P, The Corporation (+ Clark) , Sheffield
  9. May 18 2007 8:00P, The Cooler , Bristol
  10. May 19 2007 8:00P, ATP Festival , minehead
  11. May 20 2007 8:00P, Stylus Uni (+ Clark & Beans)  , Leeds
  12. May 22 2007 8:00P, Academy 2  , Manchester
  13. May 23 2007 8:00P, ABC 2 , Glasgrow
  14. May 24 2007 8:00P, The Barfly , Birmingham
  15. May 25 2007 8:00P, Birmingham , Dublin
  16. May 26 2007 8:00P, Maroquinerie , Paris
  17. May 27 2007 8:00P, Le Grand Mix  , Roubaix, Lille
  18. May 30 2007 8:00P, MJC Oullins  , Oullins
  19. Jun 1 2007 8:00P, Dissonanze Festival , Rome

Go, or punish yourself by not going. THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

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Non Developmental Motivic Cells ... THIS DICK. | 45 comments (45 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Dilly Bars represent, yo by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 12:48:40 PM EST
Also, to further your ennui, Cory Doctorow.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Oh, look who's behind the drum kit! by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 01:06:03 PM EST
Why, it's John Stanier, formerly of Helmet!

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
And I know him. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 01:11:32 PM EST

Nicest. Dude. On. Earth. Also, HUMAN BEAT MACHINE. I've seen him play drum and bass-style breaks without missing a single beat at about 180bpm. Truly staggering.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Fucking stand-out effort on Live at the Roxy by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 01:25:22 PM EST
Looks like I'll have to stealbuy some of their stuff.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
If you get the chance to see them live, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 04:08:12 PM EST

you absolutely must. Unfortunately, they've finished their East coast leg already, and are in Europe now, and, worse yet, there is no West Coast leg. I may have to fucking fly to NYC to see them again. I guess I shouldn't complain, the occasional visit to the House is always nice.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
good music. by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 01:00:54 PM EST
rather than say they look like "gay college boys" I'll go with weezer circa 1994 FTW.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

I don't think Battles put much thought into by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #5 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 01:13:29 PM EST

wardrobe, preferring, instead, the awesome dress-yourself-with-garanimals style I prefer myself. They are not, however, fashion models; they're musicians, and, as such, should concentrate on BRINGING THE ROCK, as opposed to "lookin' good for dudes on youtube".

But you know that.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
My favorite security professionals by wumpus (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 02:06:03 PM EST
were the generals at Los Almos. Von Neumann wrote a bit about their procedures.

Wumpus

Well, my single-prong search turned up naught by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #13 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 03:03:54 PM EST

You wouldn't care to elaborate* on those procedures, wouldya?

[*] - or simply provide a link
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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
He probably meant Los Alamos and Feynman by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 03:07:50 PM EST



[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by wumpus (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 03:21:17 PM EST

This comment has been deleted by wumpus



[ Parent ]
dammit, you're right<NT> by wumpus (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 06:54:07 PM EST


[ Parent ]
Normally I like Schneineneener. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 02:06:10 PM EST
But I saw that one today, and thought, "wouldn't a real bank robber ... shoot someone?" Or was he suggesting that being really really nice, would get a person hell-bent on robbing a bank to go away with a roll of quarters and a smile instead of a big bag of money?

I think he put that up so he could do his bit on it not having much bad impact on a false positive. Unfortunately, it's a tactic that (I think, as I'm not filled with this elusive "training") has exactly zero effect on a real positive. I know it helps against shoplifting in retail stores, but I doubt anyone's trying to nick a cd from the bank teller.

--top hat--

When he's not doing that, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 03:02:26 PM EST

he's blathering on about how every threat he hears about sounds like it's from a movie. I think he watches too many movies.

Really, though, my problem is that he *does* know his shit when it comes to systems or data security, but somehow he's managed to convince even himself to believe that nerd "security" has any remote relationship to physical "security". I don't care how many firewalls you can set up in a day, it will never, ever, ever enable you to pop the head off a suicide bomber at a distance of 200 yards. Those skill sets aren't just different; they're completely unrelated, aside from all the pointing and clicking that both require.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Indeed. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 04:00:32 PM EST
He tends to try to relate real-world things in ways people can understand, which often aren't really accurate, but certainly help explain the technical side of security to management.

He used to do a lot more when it came to relating real-world security to his realm of expertise in terms of theory, but he's been doing less of that lately. The theory seems similar on the surface - the practice of it is wildly different. Sure, a badge is an "authentication mechanism". Yeah.

Nowadays, it's (his blog at least) getting to be all about how movie plots are retarded, and it's stupid to call the bomb squad in to deal with every piece of circuitboard, backpack, or tube of hairgel left in public. I agree with lat last part, but that's really not the point anyway. The real point is:

Squid Fuckin' Rule

--top hat--

[ Parent ]
So by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 05:00:10 PM EST
Can you point to just one incident in which a suicide bombing was prevented because the bomber had his head popped off at 200 yards?

Just one?

(Not counting "24".)
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
Yes, I can. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 07:29:14 PM EST

It's anecdotal evidence, though. No blogger confirmed the story, so my Israeli sniper friend obviously made it up, in an effort to discredit Bruce Schneier.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
A friend told you, huh? by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #39 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:25:05 AM EST
I'll ask snopes.

In the meantime, I'll just note that something like three suicide bombers go up in Baghdad a day. Which means that if the US is using the "pop him at 200 yards" strategy, it isn't going so well and thus even if successful once perhaps isn't a good security strategy.

See, the thing is, stopping suicide bombers is not about how you kill them. It's about how you notice them before they go up. Most suicide bombers who are stopped are stopped not in cinematic fashion by a highly trained Isreali sniper. Most suicide bombers are stopped by regular soldiers frantically firing at a moving car 10 yards away.

As such, I suspect a better strategy to stop suicide bombers is to spend lots of time training regular soldiers how to spot them. They pretty much already know how to kill them.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
Right. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #45 Fri Apr 20, 2007 at 06:51:05 AM EST

I'm not sure what case you thought I was making, but just for clarity, I'll make it again; nerds who deal with computer security are not automatically qualified to deal with physical security.

This way, we don't have to get bogged down in dissecting my off-hand examples, since I'm not particularly interested in going into an in-depth exploration of a fraction of a sentence I wrote, that wasn't the crux of what I was saying, anyway.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
You watch too many movies by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #19 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 04:58:31 PM EST
The vast majority of bank robbers are only armed with a threatening note.

Most bank robbers are poor schmucks who are cash poor, desperate and stupid. And since most bank robbers get caught and jailed, most bank robbers are also novices, often on their first job, and terrified.

The other important bit is that being nice has absolutely no cost, so in terms of cost/benefit ratio, it's an obvious win. The banks have long known that any kind of confrontational approach has huge potential costs and little benefit. (Given that most bank robbers are caught fairly quickly and most bank robbery hauls are pretty small.)
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
Sure. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 05:05:09 PM EST
As long as we're talking about ass-stupid bank robbers, who aren't really the point here. Ass-stupid bank robbers aren't a threat either way.

--top hat--
[ Parent ]
The point is by ucblockhead (4.00 / 3) #22 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 05:56:10 PM EST
Smart criminals don't rob banks...at least, they don't rob banks by walking into them.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
There's only one part of what you're saying by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #25 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 07:33:20 PM EST

that I disagree with; being nice to dudes you don't know is costly TO THE SOUL!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Actually, many robberies are . . . by slozo (4.00 / 1) #30 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 03:29:53 AM EST
. . . successful, you just don't hear about it. The banks wouldn't want you to be getting any ideas now, would they? For the public to hear about the kind of bank robbery where a guy goes in with a note and leaves quietly, if he gets caught, you may hear of it. If he is successful multiple times, you may hear of it.

In my opinion, robbing a convenience store with a handgun? That's stupid. Robbing a bank with nothing more than a note? That's pretty clever, considering the risk/reward . . .

[ Parent ]
risk/reward by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #36 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 05:38:09 AM EST
In the US bank robberies get the FBI after you. Long term, bank robbery isn't a great career choice. I've got a couple friends who work at banks.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Yeah, well - long term . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #38 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:08:28 AM EST
. . . shouldn't be in your vocabulary if you plan on geting away with bank robbery. It's gotta be a large amount of cash, and only one or two times - three at the most. People who get caught generally make it easy for the authorites to catch them . . .

[ Parent ]
banks by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #41 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:29:31 AM EST
Most people vastly overrate how much cash a bank has available. A typical bank robbery might bring in $2500.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
That's pretty accurate. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #43 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:57:18 AM EST
Walk into any normal bank and ask for $10,000 cash, and they'll tell you to order it in advance.
They just don't keep it on hand.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
My wife was once a bank teller by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #44 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 07:00:15 AM EST
She went through two real robberies, and a training program that included a mock bank takeover. The two real robberies were both some schmuck with a note who got the contents of one till. Though present, she didn't even know either real robbery had occurred until the guy was out the door.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Bank robbers by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #40 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:28:47 AM EST
It's not hard to get away with one. Most get caught before they've done ten.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
HOO RAH by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #9 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 02:45:10 PM EST
bitch, you told me nothing about a video

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I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

If you peruse your logfiles, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #10 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 02:56:44 PM EST

I believe you will find what you say to be inaccurate, although, admittedly, my pointer to the video was, shall we say, a little opaque. I believe.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Yeeaaaah, Schneier! by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 02:57:00 PM EST

Go back to what you're good at! ...

... which is developing state-of-the-art, completely IP-unencumbered, almost certainly unbreakable ciphers and PRNGs which we can all leverage to make phat stacks without paying you a goddamn thing, you selfish schmuck.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
GET THOSE SHOES OFF by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 03:04:38 PM EST

AND GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN, BRUCE!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
+1 FP -- Knut Content! by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #26 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 07:36:27 PM EST

Weeks after I first saw Knut videos friends from Berlin emailed me batches of Knut photos. Our office computer has a Knut wallpaper.

I'm voting for Knut during Eurovision ... (oh, wait. Damn, I won't be there to vote. Anyway)

If only we can get him to roar on command... by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #28 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 11:47:27 PM EST
...we could work that into the chorus and totally own the contest this year no matter how totally shite the song we'll inevitably have is. Then again, we couldn't win with the best fucking song last year, scoring as badly as that shitty Elf Dance from Norway. The Scandinavians throw all their points at each other, the Baltics do the same, and strangely enough Israel never gives Germany a single point.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
grr by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #27 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 07:51:56 PM EST
cannot find battles torrents.

Also, anyone that intellectualizes about music needs a weekend rave in big sur and a few pills. If they can't enjoy that it is time for the wrist razors.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

Well, here's something to distract you: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #35 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 05:36:51 AM EST

AIREDALE PUPPY!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
The Corporation (+ Clark) , Sheffield by gazbo (4.00 / 1) #29 Wed Apr 18, 2007 at 11:49:22 PM EST
I'm currently sat about half a mile from there.  Maybe I should go and "check them out".  Though I fear they may very well not be my cup of tea.

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

I hear 'Clark' and 'Sheffield', by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #32 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 05:31:31 AM EST

and I'm immediately thinking of Boystown in Chicago.

You should go, though. You cannot possibly regret going! ROCKINEST MODERN BAND EVAR!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
good shit, yo... by clock (4.00 / 1) #31 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 04:38:03 AM EST
...but i prefer Tras as it's more badasser.

but that's just me.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

Tras rocks more than Atlas, to be sure by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #33 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 05:32:15 AM EST

The good news is that there's a full album of niceties headed down the pipe.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
less talk, more album... by clock (4.00 / 1) #34 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 05:34:08 AM EST
...make with the pressuring.  i need more better commute tunes.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Video by stark (2.00 / 0) #37 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:03:09 AM EST
A better quality version of the Atlas video in .mov format.

Although I still prefer the bunnies in the Groove Armada video.
--
U.S. Patent 5443036 concerns a device for encouraging a cat to exercise by chasing a light spot.

Battles, rocking, ect by Ravinoff (2.00 / 0) #42 Thu Apr 19, 2007 at 06:49:26 AM EST
Saw Battles about a month ago in Atlanta, they were even more amazing than I was expecting (and my expectations were pretty high).  The one thing I looking forward to more than the new Battles album is the new Sleepytime Gorilla Museum album, judging from the live recordings of their recent tour I think its gonna rock so hard that the mere physical presence of the album might cause people to flee in fear.

Non Developmental Motivic Cells ... THIS DICK. | 45 comments (45 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback