Print Story on floors and bores
By clock (Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 04:43:48 AM EST) (all tags)
and other stuff.

as some of you may have seen in the photos, it was a busy weekend at house clockracky.  thursday night was demolition and padding.  friday was getting some tasty beef (and amazing apple smoked bacon...i wish we had gotten 10 pounds...) and putting down floorboards.  all 580 sq ft of them.  saturday was quarter round and transitions.  i fucked up 75% of the transitions to the point of having to start over, but in my defense one of them is 92" and one of them leads to carpet that wasn't really cut back far enough.  chalk it up to sucking.

what did i learn?  it's a job for one person and a heavy weight of some sort to hold down the row of boards being layed.  if the weight in question is also carrying your child, it's a bonus because the baby can hear daddy's tone of voice when he's unhappy and can get ahead of the other kids on the playground with the four letter words.  i also learned that my entire body hates spending hours at a stretch crawling around on all fours on a concrete slab. 

everything was complete, furniture in place and all, by about 10 pm saturday.  i have to say, i'm impressed with the speed aspect of it.  we got it done in less time than expected and even under budget.  and that carpet i pulled out?  i haven't seen anything that disgusting in a long time.

the best part of it for me was getting to rearrange my books by subject.  everything is now where it should be instead of being arranged by color and dimension of spine.  i love that woman, really i do.

i will give props to my beloved for being so patient with me.  we work really well together and she was able to take over the mitre saw and knock out those boards like nobody's business.  it made for quick work.  i am not altogether displeased with the results.  stacky's dad seemed on the verge of being impressed but we'll see what happens when my dad comes over for a visit.  ah the true joys of the father/son relationship.

speaking of, i started reading the "sears" book on birthing.  ok.  i know.  i said i'd stop.  i promised i'd stop.  but stacky said this book had some good stuff in it!  i got through three chapters last night and i have decided that this is not the book for people...well...people like me.

i find a few things interesting about reading all of these books on pregnancy and birth.  when my mom was working on her masters degree, she took a class that discussed how most of the canon in literature was written by white dudes of european descent.  since this is the case, women learn to read as men (this is the thesis of the class).  i thought that was pretty interesting.  in fact, i'm usually the first to admit that aside from my height, the world was tailor made for me.  i'm a white dude and things "just work" for me 99% of the time.  i'm pretty happy with that.  i realize that it isn't that way for everyone, but i'm rarely in a position to experience that.  and that brings me back to these pregnancy books. 

reading these books is wild because they either assume that i don't exist or that my existence is purely coincidental.  i am unnecessary and therefore do not need to be discussed any more than the table dressings on the titanic.  it's wild.  and when i take that stance, it makes the experience otherworldly.  it's like i'm reading the literature of an alien culture.

and then i remember that this is my baby too and i get all pissed off.  the sears book is no exception to this experience.

i have decided that when this is over i will rate the guides to pregnancy and labor from my perspective (because that's the only perspective i have).  i thought that maybe a five star scale would be good (0 stars being lame and 5 stars rocking my face off).  instead, i have decided that as the father in this scenario, i will rate them on the "broken condom" scale.  0 broken condoms being the rating for a book that assumes that the father of the child is a willing and excited participant in the pregnancy/birth experience and 5 broken condoms being "you didn't really want him around for this anyway."

as this as my scale, the sears book (after three gut churning and repetitive chapters) gets 4 broken condoms.  it reads like an ad for "non-medical labor assistants" and it's repetitive.  it is constantly reusing words like "empowerment" and "non-medical labor assistant."  and it repeats itself.  again and again.  constantly empowering women to choose non-medical labor assistants.  very repetitive.  and it repeats itself.  iteration after iteration.

anyway, the first mention of the father is on the last page of chapter three when they basically give him the almighty out.  they say (paraphrased as the book is now banished to the shelf beneath my nightstand) "the male donor unit may not be comfortable in the role of doing anything other than providing genetic material.  that's ok.  he was just going to get in the way.  let him sit there and watch you sweat.  it's what he's good at.  trust us, you'll be glad you did.  and he won't know the difference because having a penis makes you unable to appreciate the birth process.  did we mention that the medical establishment wants to give you drugs and your donor unit will enable them?  well, he will.  he can't be trusted.  you should probably kill and devour him now."

at least that's what i remember.  on a serious note, it's clear that these people hated the way that the first 3 of their 8 children entered the world.  it's also clear that as the parents of 8 children they have a lot of experience, certainly more than i do.  i would be wise to read what they have to say and take what works, leaving what doesn't.  but when you write like third grader (no offense to any third graders out there) and take the stance that although there are many choices to list it's obvious that your way is the best and you refer to your reader as a "birth consumer" you've lost me and there's no getting me back.

i will whip through the rest of it tonight if i can stomach it.  then i'll read about the bradley method.  although the naked 70s women in that one scares me a little.  it's like the porn of my doesn't age well.

and speaking of porn, i'm gonna need some.  and not the fretboard journal (best guitar porno mag EVER!).  it seems that being pregnant means being "too sick to have sex" or something.  at least in our case.  whatever.  i've gone longer.  shudder

my dad is still moving to town.  he'll be here monday to look for a place to live.  my mom is pretty pissed (they've been divorced for 1.5 billion years).  time for some of us to grow up, methinks.

work left undiscussed.

when i can lift my arms again, there will be more tunes.  and what's up with 606 not posting the new mfc?  wtf?!  i need deadlines and goals, people!

rtfo, mofos.

< What if we had a *FC | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
on floors and bores | 42 comments (42 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Hmm by Phage (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 04:58:42 AM EST
I have 5 personal spawn and 3 step-spawn.

All child rearing books are crap.
All child rearing advice is irrelevant, but through the vagaries of chance may occaisonally be of some use.
Medical advice should be listened to with a critical mind. Do your own research.

The problem is that each human is a unique snowflake (as near as dammit) so the possible combinations of 'child to parent to parent' relationships is a very large number indeed. So their advice may have worked well for them, but would have led you to climbing a tall building with a rifle...You have to find your own way.

Seems to me like you're doing a great job so far.

this is not a rearing book by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:10:44 AM EST
this is a birthing book.

once you get past the hippie crap, it goes into detail about what happens during delivery, and what choices you can make (how medicated do you want to be?).

my sister had a really bad labor experience last year, and she said this was the only book that even talked about what happened to her.  it gave her the knowledge she needed to make good decisions when the time came for her to make those decisions.

[ Parent ]
Aha by Phage (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:24:15 AM EST
Education is the key as you say. We always found that we were drowned under the 'Doomsayers' advice, but there was very little on birth planning fr'instance.

What problems did she have ? Breach ? Eclampsia ? BP ? I would be enormously surprised if this book was the only one that covered bad deliveries. Our local hospital recommended a book they had written, which was useful, and a good mid-wife, who was extraordinary. She and the GP covered all of the most obvious issues. It was then up to the Ex (I was mostly excluded) to come up with a plan before hand. ie What will we do if the baby is breach, what will happen if we get ecalmpsia etc.

[ Parent ]
nothing so standard by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:35:53 AM EST
i don't remember all the details was head forward (or up, if you're lying down), his shoulders were totally crooked, and she wasn't dialating at a good rate - after 48hrs of labor she was only 1cm.  there was some other stuff, too, i just can't remember all the details.

the midwives, doula, and doctors all said this was one of those 1 in 10 million births - that's why it wasn't covered in most of the books.

at the end of the 3rd day of labor my sister decided to just get a c-section.  a few weeks later, both the midwife and doula met with her to discuss everythign that happened, etc. so she wouldn't be afraid to have another child.

overall, her experience turned out OK - she was educated enough (and had very knowledgable people around her) that it all worked out. 

[ Parent ]
Aye by Phage (2.00 / 0) #21 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:43:41 AM EST
I'm surprised they waited 3 days..

[ Parent ]
some comments by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:02:53 AM EST
first, the books were NOT ARRANGED BY COLOR!  jesus christ, you've beaten that lie into everybody's head within a fucking 10 billion mile radius.

YOU were too tired and lazy to put the books away, and as a result YOU could not walk in the room now known as your studio.  I put the books on the shelves to get them off the floor.  Yes, I arranged them by size (so they would fit on the shelves correctly), but you said that you would re-organize them the next week.  That was over a year ago.  Get the fuck over it.

Secondly, oh look, poor white man isn't being catered to.  Get over it.  The Sears book has lots of good info if you could just get over yourself.  It's the only book out there that even mentions what happened to my sister during her delivery last year.  Being informed is good, and if you can't get over your ego then you can just sit at starbucks with a banjo.

There, that's my over-the-top rant.  Playing "track the hardware somewhere in this giant hospital" really pisses me the fuck off.

punkin... by clock (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:15:30 AM EST
...decaf is better for the baby...and you.

i've never played the banjo at starbuck's.  i don't think i should start now.  but maybe i should serenade you during the birth?  just a thought...

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Wear catcher's gear, including the glove by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:25:58 AM EST
and every time she has a contraction say "Hey batter batter batter! SWING!"

*ducks and runs*

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Asset tracking by Phage (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:15:58 AM EST
Is the bane of my life. If the system/component is anything smaller than a Ford, I could never find it. managers would look at you as if you were crazy when you asked "what happened to system X ? You know, the one we paid a zillion bucks for...". Nowadays, I tend to just to expense as much as much as possible so that I don't have to track them.

At my previous $megaUSbank, I wrote off ~150mUSbux in systems that couldn't be found/no longer existed or represented failed projects that still sat on the balance sheet like cane toads on smack.

[ Parent ]
it's soooo annoying by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:29:01 AM EST
it's scheduled to be installed today.

it seems it wasn't ordered with a PO, so it isn't in our usual system.  I think i'm gonna have to get a cart and schlep down to S/R myself and dig through the piles to find it.  Them, actually - big server box, plus a smaller box with HBAs and Disks.

the hospital where i work is giant - we have 8 buildings of actual hospital/medical stuff, plus another 4 offiste locations.  This tally doesn't include our 3 satelite hospitals.

[ Parent ]
schlep down to S/R myself by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:32:07 AM EST
When are those guys gonna get you a PFY? When you're in the delivery room?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
probably by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:39:01 AM EST
i wish i could understand what they're thinking.

as long as the S/R dudes can get it on the cart for me, i can push it up to the data center myself.  then it will just live on the cart until the CE gets in to do the installation.

heh, i'm picturing myself waddling along (yes, i waddle now) pushing the server cart.  *giggle*

[ Parent ]
I'm picturing a threat of a nasty ADA complaint by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #20 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:42:09 AM EST
after which the PFY magically appears.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
nah by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #25 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:55:15 AM EST
i just won't do stuff.  they'll get a PFY when their projects all come to a halt.

i mean, i've already said "no calls after 9pm period" and they've accepted it.  we'll just see if the people i support stick to it.

[ Parent ]
No PO ? by Phage (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:34:23 AM EST
There's an opportunity for serious arse-kicking there. The bigger the place the more important it is that the procedure is followed for buying Expensive Stuff (tm)

Watch your back with that kit. See if you can get someone to load the cart for you.

[ Parent ]
no PO because by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:41:41 AM EST
we order so much from this particular vendor they went with an open PO for the year.  we do that with some places, so this isn't a total violation of protocol.

they just didn't think about how we'd track the stuff once it was delivered.  why?  they just don't think!

[ Parent ]
LALALalalalala by Phage (2.00 / 0) #22 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:46:15 AM EST
I can't hear you !
There's no way I heard you say 'open PO'.

[ Parent ]
let him have it. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #40 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 10:58:08 AM EST
Color.  Who arranges books by color?  No one.

[ Parent ]
some stories get old by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #42 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 03:55:24 PM EST
especially when they're quite the exaggeration.

plus, i'm allowed to get pissed at something completely different and fly off the handle at the first thing that comes my way. 

because i said so.

[ Parent ]
You cuss if front of your child! by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #3 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:07:59 AM EST
Oh dear. We'll have to report that. It'll go on your permanent record.

You are unnecessary. I mean, once you've provided half of clock jr's DNA, well, what further use does she have for you? Other than putting in floors, that is? At least you're not a praying mantis. Then she would have a use for you.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

he has to feed me by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:12:05 AM EST
when i'm too sick to do it myself.

soon, he'll also have to help me dress (i'm predicting 2 weeks, max).

[ Parent ]
Getting out of comfy sofas by Phage (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:25:59 AM EST
Can be hard...

[ Parent ]
that's why by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 2) #16 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:36:47 AM EST
i'm carrying my dog's tug-rope around the house with me.  she can pull me up when i'm stuck!!

[ Parent ]
Now that's smart ! by Phage (2.00 / 0) #19 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:41:52 AM EST

[ Parent ]
she neglected to mention... by clock (2.00 / 0) #23 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:48:07 AM EST
...that with the new floor the dog has NO TRACTION.  it's funny (and sad) to watch her scramble around the floor.  the dog.  not stacky.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
she has traction by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #26 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:55:55 AM EST
near the charis  - that's where the magical rug is!

[ Parent ]
I'm thinking traction by Phage (2.00 / 0) #27 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:56:02 AM EST
My favorite baby book is A Child is Born by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:16:00 AM EST
This one. It doesn't have any advice, it's more of a coffee table book of a baby's development, written from a liberal northern European poitn of view, with neat pictures, including one of the baby halfway out.

Watch birth movies by theboz (2.00 / 0) #24 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 05:50:59 AM EST
We did a class at the Texas Woman's Hospital, and it was informative. Sure, some of it was nonsense, such as the breathing stuff, but the videos were informative. You see a huge difference in pain levels when it comes to natural child birth and having an epidural. The un-medicated woman might freak out and scream "OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! I CAN'T DO THIS! OH GOD DAMN FUCKING HELL I'M GOING TO DIE! YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING KILLING ME!" while the woman with an epidural would be like, "Oh, it's time for another push. Here we go!" The C section looked even better, other than the whole blood and guts aspect. However, a C section is over in less than an hour, and they can have the baby out in a matter of minutes (with about 45 minutes of sewing your wife back up.)

In either case, I do think that it's best for both of you to be informed. The birth class also showed me how important my role as a spouse is, as I'm going to be effectively the guardian of my wife during that process. Women need a lot of support during the birth process and they need one person who can devote 100% of the attention to them. That's where some of the books have probably failed -- the importance of the "birth partner." Based on what I've seen, you will literally have to put your face in Stacky's and tell her that she's doing ok and massage her the whole time.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

all my research shows the opposite by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #28 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:00:00 AM EST
that the medicated women are the ones freaking out, and all they remember is the pain.

the unmedicated ones generally deal with the whole thing better, and only remember the birth experience not the pain.

no fuckign way i'm going to watch videos.  that shit is GROSS!

IF we do classes, I'll take them at my hospital - they're free!  However, i think we're going to skip classes altogether.  mostly because the ones we'd take are 12 weeks long, and quite pricey.   plus, the books we have are pretty good.  there's a lot of info out there.

[ Parent ]
Everyone is different by theboz (2.00 / 0) #30 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:16:44 AM EST
I don't think there is any "right way" to do the whole birth thing. Everyone does what they feel is the right way. We've found that women who were medicated swear by it, women who were un-medicated swear by it, and women who had C sections swear by it.

As far as the videos go, maybe you shouldn't watch them but clock should. I know he could handle it and it would be helpful as he's going to be the one watching the whole thing go on. He has to stay calm and act like he knows what to expect so he can help you, and at least for me the videos were helpful.

Also, why don't they have any shorter classes at your hospital? The one we took was two Sundays and only about 4 hours each. We took another one last Saturday that was infant CPR and how to stop them from choking for two hours. This Saturday we have another 4 hour class on dealing with what to do after the baby is born. I would think in a 12 week class they're teaching you to become a midwife or something.

As far as the books vs. videos thing goes, it all depends on whether you are a visual person or someone that can read. We've read some books but also found the videos helpful...although there were some moments my wife couldn't watch at all.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]
classes by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #36 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 08:54:40 AM EST
oh, the classes my hospital offers are all short - either 1 day, or 2 part-days.  the classes i would like to take are 12 weeks long (Bradley Method), and not offered through any of the hospitals (as far as I have found).

we'll probably take infant CPR and that's it.

[ Parent ]
i've thought about it and i have my goals. by clock (2.00 / 0) #29 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:08:23 AM EST
i want to walk out of the hospital with a healthy wife and a healthy baby.  i will do anything to accomplish that.  anything.  there are no limits to what i will endure or the hell i will unleash to see my goals realized.

i'm reading through this crap and educating myself.  i figure i want to know all that i can despite the shortcomings of the literature.

we've talked about classes and the only one that i'm insisting on is the infant cpr class.  that's non-negotiable.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
We took infant CPR last Saturday by theboz (2.00 / 0) #31 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:17:54 AM EST
It's pretty good and quite easy. They also teach you how to help a baby that is choking, which is a much more common problem. There was also some discussion of car seat safety, although you can probably just go to the closest fire department and have them inspect it if you want to be sure.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]
my cpr by clock (2.00 / 0) #32 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:28:53 AM EST
is just heinously out of date.  my last refresh was about 10 years ago so although i know the drill, i'd like for it to be fresh.  my dad's an automotive engineer who did safety systems for the big three.  i figure he can pick our a car seat for us.  he's seen enough of them splinter against concrete test walls to know which is the best.

btw, i agree with the video thing.  i may check one out.  i'm really good at that "calm in a crisis" thing and i've been tested a time or two.  i know this will be different, so i'm trying to bone up as best i can.

when are you due again?

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
June 5th by theboz (2.00 / 0) #34 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:48:28 AM EST
However, the basketball in my wife's shirt makes me think it's going to be earlier.

As far as car seats go, we picked one after the recent fiasco with Consumer Reports. They failed a bunch of seats by testing them at like a 70mph crash speed rather than the federally mandated speed, which I think is something like 35mph. As a result, only one car seat passed, which is the one we are getting. It's one of the Graco ones but I forget which.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]
I just read on the internets by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #35 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 08:10:30 AM EST
It's now 30 compressions then two breaths.

And no punching the doctors and nurses when stacky is birthing, ok?

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

[ Parent ]
car seats? by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #37 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 08:56:23 AM EST
pshaw!  just put the kid in your lap while you drive.  it worked for Britney!

[ Parent ]
The key for any hospital experience by garlic (4.00 / 1) #33 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 06:35:18 AM EST
is to know that noone there is your buddy, and Drs don't always know best. Having someone there to help grab a dr. when you need/want medication, or there to help you up or down or around, or to fight for you if necessary is good, no matter why you're in the hospital.

[ Parent ]
no by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #38 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 08:58:27 AM EST
the key to any hospital experience is to realize that the majority of the doctors are very good at reading books and spewing said information back out.  otherwise, most of them are egotistical idiots that can barely tie their shoes on a daily basis.

and nurses have their own slew of issues i won't bother to get into here.

there is a reason medicine is "practiced."

[ Parent ]
birthin' books by webwench (4.00 / 2) #39 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 10:03:55 AM EST
I remember buying the ex a book 'for fathers-to-be' back when the boy was just a bump, and the book was pretty condescending, assumed throughout that the father was at best a bumbling moron when it comes to women and babies, and at worst assumed he was disinterested or unwilling. Sort of sad.

Getting more attention than you since 1998.

very sad... by clock (2.00 / 0) #41 Tue Apr 10, 2007 at 11:08:23 AM EST
...if you ask me. i waited a long time for this and i'm a part of it.  it's good that i have husi or i'd feel pretty alone in the dad thing.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
on floors and bores | 42 comments (42 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback