Print Story Fucken Nerves
Diary
By Pasofol (Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:02:50 AM EST) nerves, madness, anger, insanity (all tags)
The last two days were perhaps the worst days of my life.  Not because something happened to make it so but because I've never felt so miserable before.


  The source of it I'm not sure or maybe it's something I'd rather not talk about here.  My blood pressure was through the roof and my body was full of adrenaline I worried that I'll have a heart attack at times.  The duration of time that it lasted scared me since I didn't know what to do to turn it off.  The amount of self restraint that it took for me not to hurt myself or someone else seemed impossible.  There were several close calls like a coworker coming up to me and trying to make a joke but the only urge I had was to throw a punch (likely didn't act on it).  I managed to just break couple things at work and some other things at home but nothing that's important.  Most of the time it was just overpowering things like slamming the door closed, smashing bottles open and other stupid acts.

Went to the cafe during an unscheduled break and tears started coming out, a coworker noticed before I even knew what the hell was happening to me.  I'd prefer to have a break down somewhere else. Was trying to decide if I should go home or what not but managed to pull myself together and finish the shift.  

I'm thankful the adrenaline has gone away maybe it's just because I tired myself out but I hope that's not the case.  I'm still a nervous wreck but I'm starting to feel better and am able to think normally not as if I'm about to go insane.  I'll take a nice long bath to relax and might go out to a bar before work for the same reason.  Not sure why but Disturbed the Sickness album manages to claim me down.  I believe it normally has the opposite affect on people but hearing a track from it on the radio seems to be doing just that.

Anything else I should try to relax my nerves?
I have some tea that might help. 
Alcohol seems to just be putting fuel to the fire. (Increasing stupid behaviour.)

< i'm in holland | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Fucken Nerves | 27 comments (27 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
ok. by clock (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:08:19 AM EST
i've been there.  what works for you, i'm not sure.  but what works for me:

1.  long, hot shower.
2.  cup of hot herbal tea
3.  soft music.  think mild string quartet.  or even big band jazz.
4.  a book with a known quantity ending.
5.  do not try to sleep.  let that happen.

good luck, mate.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

And by blixco (4.00 / 4) #2 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:10:05 AM EST
heavy, heavy, heavy physical activity.

Heavy.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
pull ups by Pasofol (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:21:48 AM EST
Seem to be working but besides that my hands/arms are too shaky and dont want to hurt myself by lift things then dropping them.

[ Parent ]
....Push ups, by blixco (4.00 / 2) #6 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:51:17 AM EST
jumping in and out of a box with 24" high sides, situps, squats, run like hell from one side of the room to the other....
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat
[ Parent ]
Thanks by Pasofol (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:55:59 AM EST
but you are starting to sound too much like my highschool gym teacher.

[ Parent ]
That's part of the by blixco (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:04:17 AM EST
point.

Hard fucking physical work will quiet your body and your head.

It has to be really, really hard.  But it will work.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
yes but by webwench (4.00 / 4) #12 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:28:04 AM EST
will there be a montage? because such a spurt in both quantity and variety of physical training methods deserves a good montage.


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

[ Parent ]
Hell yes. by blixco (4.00 / 3) #14 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:32:42 AM EST
With full orchestra and/or the band Asia performing something really inspirational during said montage.

"Heat Of The Moment" would be great.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
My daily meditation involves push ups, sit ups by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:07:44 AM EST
and a 3 mile walk. And I still weigh 60 lbs more than I did in the Army. Put on 10 since I quit smoking.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Where do you find the time? [n/t] by Herring (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 11:27:26 AM EST


christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
[ Parent ]
One hour a day is all it takes by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri Mar 16, 2007 at 03:21:31 AM EST
Usually after dinner.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Christ, I sound like an advertisement. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #26 Fri Mar 16, 2007 at 03:25:51 AM EST
For what, I don't know.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
IAWTP by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #22 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 09:18:12 AM EST
Get a shovel and turn the garden over. Or someone else's garden. All of it.

If you live in the right part¹ of the country, dig a bunch of post holes.

Clean out the cellar or the garage.

¹ "right" is the geographical sense², not the pseudo-moral sense

² i.e., "rural" and "unfrozen"

--
Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together

[ Parent ]
Do you like gladiator movies? by georgeha (4.00 / 3) #10 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:23:18 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison? by wiredog (4.00 / 4) #15 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:06:23 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
One of my uncles travelled the world by cam (4.00 / 2) #18 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:10:34 AM EST
on a shoestring back when he was in his twenties, so this is probably thirty-forty years ago now. When he was in Turkey he couldn't find a place to stay so he went down to the beach and decided to sleep there. A turkish copper woke him up, and after some broken english/turkish worked out why my uncle was sleeping there. The copper ended up telling him it isnt safe to sleep there, and he can offer him a cell for the night where it will be warm, dry and safe. So my uncle stayed in a Turkish cell for the night.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

[ Parent ]
Distraction by Phage (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:11:11 AM EST
Often works. Occupy yourself with something immersive (like a game/book/model building) that crowds out all other thoughts.
Tea and some carbs (like, oh, biscuits) will help too. You probably should not be at work.

Laughter is the best medicine by Herring (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:15:18 AM EST
when you can't obtain diamorphine.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
Bananas... by Metatone (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 05:54:33 AM EST
potatoes, comfort food generally. Especially after some exercise...

Some people find water helpful, floating in the bath, or even going to the swimming pool (although there tends to be people there, so that might not be good at this minute.)

Some people find that alcohol isn't helpful overall, as it calms for a bit and then seems to leave more anxiety behind. Ditto coffee.

I have to echo clock's statement about "known quantity books" same goes for film and TV shows. The distraction is good and the familiarity can help calm.

Some people find some places help calm them. Some go out into "nature," others like to wander in a city centre. Whatever works for you, but it's important to be careful about how much time you spend at home, as you can feel a bit trapped and thus feel more of a need to lash out.

then there's always the obvious... by webwench (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:26:53 AM EST
THERAPY.


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

Thanks by Pasofol (2.00 / 0) #13 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:31:05 AM EST
that put a smile on my face.

[ Parent ]
Time to change your lifestyle by wiredog (4.00 / 4) #17 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:09:07 AM EST
You need more coffee, cigarettes, and blow.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

also by webwench (4.00 / 3) #19 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:12:52 AM EST
hookers.


Getting more attention than you since 1998.

[ Parent ]
and guns by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #20 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 07:48:42 AM EST
lots of guns.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Try some meditation by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #21 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 09:13:04 AM EST
I do it off and on (more off than on lately) and once you get into the rhythm of it it has a great calming effect.

I'd also recommend talking to your doctor. Really.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

*hug* n/t by duxup (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 11:12:19 AM EST

____
break from the routine by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri Mar 16, 2007 at 03:31:13 AM EST
Step completely outside your normal places and habits so you're clear enough of the triggers to think about them without it flattening you. And then accept that it may do that anyway and you just have to ride it out and pick yourself up afterwards.

Fucken Nerves | 27 comments (27 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback