The amazing things has been that since I moved into this apartment in September, I've slept incredibly well. I wake up most mornings with minimal fuss despite the fact that I wake up much earlier for my current job than I have since 2001, and while I sleep later on the weekends, most of the time I'm still awake at a pretty reasonable time. Part of it is the stricter scheduling since I've been here.
Another part is that when I lived alone, my bedroom tended to be a pretty bare and spartan place. My stuff, pictures on the wall, random possessions, furniture, books, music, tended to be displayed in the living room for all of the non-existent guests I had over. Moving into an apartment furnished largely by others, all of these things are in my own room, giving it a more comfortable homey feeling in here. Also, the room itself is just comfortable to me. I love all the windows, the wood floors, the open feeling to the room despite all of my clutter. Finally, I cut back on my PM coffee drinking. Usually if I go to the cafe in the evening, I limit myself to decaf.
If I hadn't experienced this six months of healthy sleep, I wouldn't have been so unnerved by a reverting to my old patterns this past week. Instead, I felt myself growing more irritable each day. By Thursday, I just managing to get through the day at work, then putting my headphones on when I got on the subway, and pretending to read so that none of my co-workers would even make conversation with me. Once home, I'd hide in my room playing video games.
It was in this state that my roommate E first told me that he was moving out at the end of March. For those keeping track, this is the same roommate who had asked me last month to sign the lease with him come June. Yeah, so this tremendously fucks me up. At best, V & I find somebody to take his place right away, and I like the person well enough that I want to sign a lease with them and live with them for a year (finding a new third person in June to take over for V, that person having more flexibility to stay or go in shorter periods of time as it's absolutely necessary for there to be two people on the lease). Worst case scenerio is that we don't find anybody for April, meaning we probably scrap the search for May, in which case I pay out extra for rent both months and have to find a new apartment with less money in the bank. Only today is the utter badness of this situation fully hitting me.
The nice thing is that over the past couple of days, my general isolation has lifted a little. My X (yes, that's capital x, as opposed to any other exes of mine who are all pretty minor) called me the other night, and we had a really good and long conversation branching off into the topic of reading literature in translation and the reasons to do so and not to. It had rather recently occurred to me that we've now been separated/divorced for longer than we were married, and that our conversations over the past year had been so sporadic and stilted that I was unsure if I even wanted to put forth further effort, so it was great to actually talk to her as a friend again. Then yesterday, friend who had gone MIA last June sent me an e-mail admitting he was a schmuck and suggesting we grab a beer together. I should probably be angry with him for blowing me off for 9 months, but these days anger is just something that passes through me quickly. I consider it a result of my lowered expectations. And really, I'd just be happy to have a single friend in town again. I adore the various couples I'm friends with, but there's something different about a single friend. Less planning involved at least.
And has it occurred to me that this could be the solution to the roommate dilemma? It has, but I'm trying not to get hopes up. Drinks on Tuesday night, and I'll see what he has to say for himself.
Disappointing bit of all this is that until I know what comes next, I have to be a bit more frugal, and with the weather starting to warm up, I was going to continue my research for WaS, MaS. After all, there is one thing that always gives me an entirely good night's sleep.
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